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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Divorce/Separation ... and Pets...
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, July 20th (Saturday)

Here's a weird one.

Around DDay, my dog kept urinating on WS. In the car, in the bedroom, IN THE BED. She wouldn't let him walk her anymore. She wouldn't go near him.

After DDay and separation, she continued sort of reversing her housetraining. I was crying a lot, clearly in distress. She kept peeing in the bed at night and elsewhere in the house.

In the last week, I've improved quite a bit. I'm not crying as much and able to pay more attention to her with walks, talking to her, etc. As of two days ago, she's stopped peeing on everything, etc.

Anyone else have a pet act strange during DDay/D/S?


BS / D

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jun 2013
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, July 20th (Saturday)

Not in that way, but he spent a lot of time with our dogs. On D-Day, we had a 100+ pound collie. He was a very gentle soul.

He became very protective of me. If wxh and I were arguing, he would stand between us, blocking wxh from trying to hurt me.

He became my constant companion, until he passed away a year later. I still sense him in my bedroom at night- it feels like he's checking up on me. I miss him so much.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7038 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, July 20th (Saturday)

After DDay our cat started wanting to sleep with me & the kids, not STBX.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8792 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Pringle
New Member
Member # 39708
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, July 20th (Saturday)

Yes, mine would follow me around the house constantly and not him. They would both sleep on my side of the bed, whereas before one would be on mine and one on his. Also, when I would take them for walks, they were a lot calmer and did not pull as much as they used to,I guess because they could feel how drained I was. Animals are very intuitive-they can sense when something is wrong and will react in some way or another.


Me: BFiance 30
WFiance 33
DD 15.03.2013
In limbo

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jun 2013
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, July 20th (Saturday)

Yup. The dog would lay on top of me at all times. When he would freak out, she would lay on my feet. She wanted to be next to me at all times.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd; free of the overgrown baby
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 634 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, July 20th (Saturday)

Yes.

Our Lil' Elder Cat has taken to peeing on the furniture and it makes me cry every time I find it. She did not do this before he left, ever.

I told myself for a while that it's her age, as we had a "rental cat" that was one we kept for a relative for a time and he did this, but they learned it was his age and "innards", as my father called it-basically he lost function of his bodily movements.

Anyway...I think animals are really smart and know when something isn't right in their environment.

Lil' Elder Cat has also taken to sleeping on my head when I cry and the vet said it could be a way of reaching out. She never did this before, either.

I notice that she lets STBX pet her, but not like before and it's brief.

It's also very funny when she ignores him, as it doesn't help the narcissism to not have attention!


Ashland 13

The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge


Posts: 1965 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Rainbows
Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, July 21st (Sunday)

Yes, mine did too. I remember reading that dogs have the emotional intelligence of a 3 year old child, so they have some understanding of what's going on during separation/d.

My dog started having asthma attacks after arguments. I can tell its stress related because she never has them when he's not around.

She's also aware of my emotions. As soon as I start to sniffle, she immediately jumps up and stares at me. She comes to cuddle if the sniffle turns into crying.

It's sad because it affects them, too.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 362 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, July 21st (Sunday)

I had a terrible nightmare last night (in it he called to tell me he had moved in with her and was "really in love"). I woke up in a cold sweat and started crying into my pillow.

She (my dog) woke up, saw I was crying, and crawled over me so she could get into "the nook" and cuddle. The poor thing is 17 years old, can barely walk and everything hurts-- so this was a true act of love. I immediately tried to pull it together for her.

Sometimes I think to myself that I get that he did this horrible thing, figured out how to blame me for it and now has doubled-down on his "new" life because he's got a PD and he's a coward. Fair enough.

But I don't get how he could have left the dog. I know that sounds silly... but here is this innocent animal who loved him unconditionally and who can't even begin to figure out how to understand and respond to all of this beyond wetting the bed and giving kisses. It's so sad.

For people with children, it must feel a million times worse.


BS / D

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jun 2013
LadyQ
Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, July 21st (Sunday)

My cat started peeing outside her litter box. She'd get in it, prepare her site, and then hike her little hiney high enough in the air that the pee would go outside the box.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, July 21st (Sunday)

Mine was peeing all over the house and car (not just the bed).

Wonder if it was some kind of "reclaiming" of the territory.


BS / D

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jun 2013
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

My cat didn't do anything weird, but the dog's behavior changed. When XWH was still here and we would fight, the dog would press against me and shake, especially when XWH would start yelling. He was clearly terrified but he would not leave my side. He stopped interacting with XWH at all, and stopped waiting for him at the top of the stairs each evening. He pretty much ignored him.

For his part, XWH started ignoring the dog too. I agree with you totally, Phantom. His total neglect and abandonment of an innocent little soul who was devoted to him strikes me as one of the cruelest things he did throughout the S/D. Pathetic. What a dirtbag.

I worried the dog would miss him and pine for him. But he has not done so at all. I love this little dog so much, I would have lost my mind without him over these last few months. He's lapped up a lake of tears, and listened patiently to every meltdown.

What would we do without our pets??


Me: BS, 45 Him: XWH, 45
Together 8 yrs, married for 5
DDay 04.10.13 Divorced 05.14.13
Two furbabies

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ JK Rowling


Posts: 567 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

Our oldest dog (10 yrs) is my baby (okay, they all are, but is number one baby). He has always been momma's boy. When he was younger he would actually sleep with me and POS, then POS decided he had enough and kicked him out of the bed. Granted, he is 120 lbs and does take up a lot of room.

Well, I just ordered him some stairs so he could climb back in bed with me (his age is showing with arthritis issues), bought and old beat up comforter that I don't care if it gets destroyed and a waterproof pad to put under his side. As soon as those stairs get here he is going to be sleeping with me in POS's old spot for the rest of his life! The dog is much better company and his last year(s) will be spent sleeping in comfort knowing he is loved. He will be helping me emotionally as well on those sad, lonely nights.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs, started 1994? - never stopped
Kids - 22, 20, 17
M Dissolved 2013!!!

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare


Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

My oldest dog, who is the sweetest, gentlest soul you could ever hope to meet developed really severe separation anxiety. He had it when we first got him but it had gone away over time as he became more secure with us. That all went away with her abandonment.

The other dog had been pretty severely abused as a puppy and then put in the pound for four months. She has issues to begin with. She became hypervigilant and developed some issues with aggression. I'm still trying to work with both dogs.

I really can't understand any of it, but I really can't understand how she could do it to the dogs. The consequences of her actions will probably lower the older one's standard of living for the rest of his life.


Posts: 1323 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
MissMouseMo
Member
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

We had old friends with a parrot and a lot of people don't stop to think that parrots are "flock animals" (think: "pack animals," like dogs).

When we take them from their flock, WE become their family, their best friends, their extended social net, their everything. Cruel really but I digress.

It happened that this bird was afraid of storms so when heavy weather would come he would call every family member by name (yes, he knew their names and used them), to make sure they were safe - until he either saw they were ok or the rain stopped. These are smart animals.

During the divorce, this bird was absolutely distraught. Unable to cope. He could not find peace to the point he began to self-harm by pulling his feathers out. He almost killed himself.

We are so arrogant in imagining that animals do not have a highly sophisticated emotional life.


It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed

Posts: 117 | Registered: Feb 2013
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

One of my girlfriends went through a split and was crying all of the time. Her dog started to pull out the hair on its paws and her two cats went bald. You would go over her house and it was like the land of misfit animals.

You're right, MissMouseMo. They do have complex and sophisticated emotional lives.

And my elderly little pup knew before any of us that he needed to be kicked out of the pack. Tried to warn us with all of the pee. :) He wasn't her daddy anymore.


BS / D

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jun 2013
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

When I was divorcing XWH#1, my collie became very protective. She had always been a gentle dog before, then she started to try and bite anyone that came near the house. It was so strange to see her act like that. She was still gentle with the kids and I, but anyone else was off limits. One day she just disappeared from the yard and I never did find her. I am not sure if she ran away or what, but I still remember the sudden change in her personality.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 16