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New Beginnings
User Topic: What is it.
Sue1964
Member
Member # 37057
Default  Posted: 2:05 AM, July 21st (Sunday)

When starting again after couple of years of hell.
How do u know if your starting again on the rebound or if its love or lust????

Posts: 287 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Uk
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, July 21st (Sunday)

I knew that my first dating experience after my XH was a rebound because I chose it. I knew that the dating experiences that followed weren't because I am self aware, held myself at arms length, was cautious, and discussed it all with my IC as I made conscious choices.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13748 | Registered: Jul 2011
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, July 21st (Sunday)

was cautious, and discussed it all with my IC as I made conscious choices.

OMG! I do this same thing too!! I love my IC....she is like family now! I tell her about all of my possible conquests and we discuss.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, July 21st (Sunday)

I don't think we can always know when we are starting something whether our motives are "pure" or if we are beginning a noble adventure.

I know that I can tell myself a lot of stories and I did so when I started dating after my separation. I told myself, "I'm ready" and "It is too soon, but that is okay". A friend's daughter, age 25, asked about that first dating partner "Do you think it is just a rebound" my reply, "I guess I will know when it is over"...and that is truly the only way I knew, once I stopped telling myself the stories and let the relationship run it's course.

For me, that first relationship after going through hell was a combination of lust and rebound and opportunity...but that is only in retrospect...

It's been 2 years for you though Sue...how long have you been alone? are you okay with being alone? what work have you done to heal? Those are questions I wish I had asked and answered before I began dating...


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3130 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 5:22 AM, July 22nd (Monday)

When starting again after couple of years of hell.
How do u know if your starting again on the rebound or if its love or lust????
That is why you take it slow. You can't always be sure in the beginning so you need to take the time to truly get to know the other person and get a "feel" for how you relate to each other without the physical stuff getting in the way. 6 month minimum is what I feel it takes....because that is when reality starts kicking in and you realize you aren't going to be able to live on "love" alone....still need to pay those bills, figure out the logistics of your life and theirs.....

Make sure you aren't dating just to try to fill a void. That can prevent all kinds of misery.....


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15231 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 5