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User Topic: Self Esteem
Lonelygirl10
Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

How do you get your self-esteem back? Mine is destroyed.

My Wbf has been trying to be more open and honest since this weekend, and we were texting today about me going to gym for first time in months. It made me wonder whether he had ever talked badly about me to her, and he said no. I started getting upset, and he called. In the phone conversation, he again said that he never said anything negative about me to her. But he did admit that she said negative things about me. I asked for an example. He said that in February, she said "no one wants to date the model and *uck the attorney. Everyone wants to date the attorney and *uck the model." And she also said that she's prettier than me. I asked him if he responded, and he said no. I said "well, she's right. You did want to date the attorney and *uck the model." And he said "yeah, you're right." And then apologized again.

I guess one problem in their A was that he wanted to date me. I'm the attorney, and she's the model. She is a bathing suit and underwear model, and her pictures are online. She's gorgeous. She's one of those tiny girls, probably weighs around 100 pounds. Perfect, smooth body. Dark skin and dark, long hair that curls perfectly just like in the movies. She has some poses in a thong online, so I can pretty much see all of her. She's perfect.

And I'm not. I'm 5'7, and around 150 pounds. I have short hair, and I freckle instead of tan. I know rationally that I'm attractive, but I don't feel like I even come close to comparing to her. When I show her picture to people, the first response is always "wow how did he get her?" I feel inadequate.

I went to a concert with a female friend on Saturday, and there was a girl there that looked like OW. Perfect, small body with dark skin and long hair. And I almost started crying right there. I can never look like those girls. Even if I spent every day in the gym, I can never look like that. My build is bigger. My chest is bigger. My skin won't tan, and my hair gets frizzy if I grow it out.

And I just keep thinking that I want someone to want to date and *uck me. Why can I never have that? I dated one guy for four years, and he cheated with a girl that looks almost identical to this OW. And now my current relationship the same thing happened. How am I ever supposed to feel confident about myself?

[This message edited by Lonelygirl10 at 7:48 PM, July 22nd (Monday)]


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1034 | Registered: Jul 2013
Markone
Member
Member # 30291
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

It's natural to feel like your self-esteem has been crushed. It's natural to compare. But since we're on the topic, let's:

You're an ATTORNEY, she runs around in her skivvies for a living. You have a brain (the sexiest part of someone as they say)

You're a thoughtful person, she's not

Beauty is skin deep, and she's ugly (case in point here)

You have class, morals...she doesn't

Oh and btw, "small" bodies aren't attractive to all men (one right here)

on and on.

Don't go there LG.

180 - focus on yourself. Go to the gym FOR YOU. Go out with friends. Stop making him the center point of you. You're better than that.


DD 11/28/10
Me (BH)
Her (WS)
Separated and filed (7/13)

Posts: 410 | Registered: Dec 2010
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

There is an old bumper sticker that says: "No matter how hot she is, somebody, somewhere is sick of her shit."

This isn't about you and it isn't about her. It's about what's wrong in his tiny little brain.

As for her, well of course she had to put down your looks. You think you're the only one who is insecure but she knew she couldn't compete with you mentally. So she talked down your appearance. Unfortunately for her, most men don't want to bring the slut who sleeps with them behind their girlfriend's back home to mom or ever put a ring on it. And people who are so focused on their physical appearance that they use it as a comparison tool in the who's better game tend to get annoyingly neurotic when the looks start slipping because they've got no other valuable assets. And trust me, honey, we all get wrinkles and succumb to gravity eventually.

Focus on what's inside of you and you'll be beautiful, both inside and out.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 3968 | Registered: Sep 2005
Twentyplus
New Member
Member # 39593
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

LG, I can only tell you that the entire first year after DDay I dug like hell to figure out what the OW had that I didn't, because it was not looks and it was not brains and it was not personality and it was not talent. I obsessed and obsessed about what it could be: sexual, spiritual, emotional? On and on it went for months. I wasted so MUCH time stalking her every step. I haven't posted my entire story yet, but it is colorful. Not the least of the color was my violently jealous thought process and behavior. It was a diversion from the healing process for myself.

Fast forward another year and I have finally and fully comprehended that she never had ANYTHING AT ALL to give him that was "better" for him than what he had with me. His insanely destructive behavior had nothing to do with her, and was solely about his screwed up emotions and behavioral issues. And I have them too, surprise, surprise.

Now the work is truly under way...


"But we must supply our own light." - Stanley Kubrick


Posts: 50 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: The Big Blue Sea
Lonelygirl10
Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

Unfortunately for her, most men don't want to bring the slut who sleeps with them behind their girlfriend's back home to mom or ever put a ring on it.

This is what keeps going through my mind. He told me multiple times that he wants to marry me, not her. That he wants me to raise his kids, not her. It all sounds like good things.

But every time we have sex, I keep thinking that I bet he wants to be having sex with her instead. He came back to me because that's the mature, responsible thing to do. He had his fun, and now he wants to settle down with the good attorney. He has never said this to me, and he keeps saying over and over that he finds me more attractive. But regardless, I keep thinking it.

And when he said that today, it struck me that he didn't defend to me her. Now granted, I know that he had sex with her and that SHOULD be a lot worse. But it just somehow hurts that he let someone talk like that about me.

Oh and btw, "small" bodies aren't attractive to all men (one right here)

Really? It seems every man I've dated likes 100 pound women. This is encouraging. I want to be valued for my brain... but honestly I want a man to think I'm hot too.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1034 | Registered: Jul 2013
Markone
Member
Member # 30291
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

Yes, really.


DD 11/28/10
Me (BH)
Her (WS)
Separated and filed (7/13)

Posts: 410 | Registered: Dec 2010
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

This isn't about you...its about THEM (WS and their AP).

I have heard this, read this, and seen posts on here about this. Early on, I too had trouble believing this...but now I do. (Yay!, just took hundreds of hours of reading, somewhere north of $3,000 in counseling and weekend retreats, and lots of praying....but I do finally get this!).

My wife and I are about the same as far as society defines beauty. My wifes AP is about 20 pounds heavier, double chin and rounded gut....the thought of her doing that with him is grotesque....but it did happen. No underwear model there!

Point here is that a decision to have an A is really about two people who are broken in the same way and are willing to attempt to fill that brokenness with lies and thoughtless actions....I don't believe physical beauty plays into it much at all.

For the record...I find all sorts of women attractive....I find intelligence attractive as well....strong character is something I strive for and look for in a woman as well. Lots of attractive women out there.... That is why I have put in place firm boundaries for decades. I don't think I would be tempted to cheat, but have been concerned enough to keep my opportunities to an almost nonexistent level.

And, yes, what you describe of yourself I would define you as an attractive woman and I would have to have firm boundaries up while interacting with you.

Attractiveness can change through interactions. Words of affirmation is one of my strongest love languages...the more a woman uses those on me the more attractive she would become to me...this, I am aware of and am taking actions to keep from allowing this to happen.

I gotta tell you....the rejection and self esteem hit this does to a person is beyond words...I don't care who you are, this hurts like heck...but it will recover. Mine has mostly recovered now. Most of my self esteem was just hidden, but some was really lost...and that is coming back as I loosen my boundaries just a bit and have my ego fed. But I am cautious about what this could lead to....

God be with you.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 9:28 PM, July 22nd (Monday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

But it just somehow hurts that he let someone talk like that about me.

Of course that hurts! It's disloyal. When you love someone, you stick up for them (even my kids know that you never let someone talk trash about your sister!).

When I show her picture to people, the first response is always "wow how did he get her?" I feel inadequate.

Who are these people? WTF. It's easy to "get" a woman whose self esteem is so low that she'll let a broken guy use her to cheat on his girlfriend. Good looks do not correlate with strong character or mental health.


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
nomistakeaboutit
Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

LG,

Bottom line, you want someone who loves and is attracted to the totality of you. There will always be someone who is better looking, or smarter, or richer, or......

The problem isn't that the 100 lb. model is super hot. The problem is that your BF chose to sleep with her.

So, just a quick example. When I was married, there was a hot woman who worked for me. She was pretty hot! For arguments sake, let's say she was hotter than my wife. But I would never have slept with her, because I was married and I loved my wife. So, for arguments sake, let say the 100 lb. model is hotter than you. Your BF slept with her. Do you follow this? Thr problem is not that you are 150 lbs and she is 100 lbs. The problem is that your BF chose to sleep with her.

Please, please, please, choose to spend your life with someone who cherishes the specialness of you. Choose someone you can trust. Choose someone who loves you enough that even when presented with the opportunity to sleep with someone super hot, they would not do it, because they love and are committed to you.

You know what? My xWW had her A with a total stud. He is rich, athletic, handsome, smart and successful. You know what else? He'll never be me. And that 100 lb. model will never be you.


Me: BH 56.........Her: WW 43
DD: 6..........DS: 4
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 919 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
ArableSands
Member
Member # 39830
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

LonelyGirl,

For what it's worth: I work in a field that has a lot of models. Really gorgeous women who are small, tight, fit, and often astonishingly pretty. Handsome male models too. Very handsome.

I befriended a few of them, of both genders. We often go out drinking or just socialize. One thing that was absolutely common among them is a deep-seated insecurity. The less self-aware ones were clearly screwed up and had self-worth issues. The smarter ones were quite articulate about how they were aware that their shelf lives are not long. Modelling is a tough, unforgiving field where you are chewed up and spat out, and the models know it.


Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vancouver, Canada
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, July 22nd (Monday)

I don't want to come off as being full of myself but I know what my assets are....it's my body and my looks. My husband cheated on me with a girl that works for him and who isn't very attractive. Gaps so big between her teeth, you drive a mac truck through them. (I know that's mean but I'm angry and jealous right now) Very plain jane. Thing is she is smart. Way smarter than me and I hate that. I'm so jealous!! I feel like he thinks she is so perfect at everything and can fix all of his problems. I wish he saw me that way. All I'm good for is to stand there and look pretty. Even my therapist says I'm like a trophy to my husband. He has destroyed my self esteem and I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get it back. I compare myself to her constantly. I keep trying to convince myself that he picked her not because she was better than me, but because she's just different than me.

Posts: 569 | Registered: Jul 2013
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

...as I think about your post...and what I find "attractive"...it really is more then a specific body shape or style.

My wife has given birth twice...I have seen her gain and loose probably 50 pounds...seen her body parts change shapes and sizes along with that...and with each "new" look of her physical body I find beauty in it. I have known and seen her for 2 decades now...age has had an effect on her too...still found her attractive....and the stress of this trial has sped up that process of aging in both of us. I have also seen her throwing up, with bad breath, sunburned...I have seen the whole of her (something her AP never did...he just got the "pretty" girl) and I still find her attractive.

But her choices to commit adultery and to hurt me so deeply HAVE changed how I see her. I can't explain it as I have not fully processed it yet. I can tell you I still find my wife attractive.

Just wanted to add this additional post to try and convey how important it is to understand that most men (and I consider myself to be "everyman" in my appreciation for what is beautiful about a womans body) are not locked into a ridged set of characteristics to find a woman attractive.

And it is through this appreciation I am hopeful you can find some peace and move past the singular characteristics of a specific body size and realize there is far more to one person finding another person attractive.

But through all of this particular struggle...keep in mind our WS's choice to have an A really and truly does not have anything to do with us....how we looked, how we did or did not express our love, where we prioritized our marriage in relation to the rest of our life--all of those things added to an unhealthy marriage. But we are a part of that same unhealthy marriage and yet, we did not choose to committ adultery.

I just mention this to nudge you away from the line of thinking that if you were thinner, or had smoother skin that your husband would have never cheated. That is simply false.

WS's chose not to work on their marriage but to selfishly go after the one or two or three things that they were not getting from WITHIN their marriage OUTSIDE of their marriage....without the courtesy of attempting to fix the marriage from within. That is the part of them that is broken...and the part that makes us feel so vulnerable now.

And this is serious trauma.

How many books have you read that surround the issue of a husband falling asleep on the sofa shortly after coming home from work...and the "trauma" that this causes the wife? Or books written about how "traumatic" it is for a husband to be married to a woman who eats nothing but twinkies and lets her health and looks go? Any books written on the steps to recovery from your spouse burning dinners or leaving their dirty clothes all over the place?

My point is BS's did do things that hurt intimacy....but nothing on that list intentionally hurt the spouse or comes anywhere close to justifying or validating the WS's decision to chose to have an affair and bring that level of pain and hurt to their BS.

There is an intentionallity about an A that is unarguable. No matter how "innocently" A's start, at some point a WS intentionally decieves the BS.

It changes the dynamics within a marriage when one spouse invites another person into the fold.

God help us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 8:21 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

Hey LG

Start taking little steps for you, every day.

Go to the gym, take a walk, go to the local shelter and help out. Read a book...stay with your IC and dig into your why's.

What happened through your life that you would be accepting of anything less than what you deserve? Where does it come from...find it and beat it.

You can...it starts with changing one thing at a time. Eventually the mind will follow .... and then you will no longer want this

And I just keep thinking that I want someone to want to date and *uck me.

You will want someone who will respect, value, love and trust you. Someone with their own mind and money that can walk next to you through life. A partner, equal but with enough difference that you can challenge one another.

You are deserving. I hope you can see that one day LG.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3774 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

I'm the same height as you and your current weight is my goal weight (my pre-pregnancy weight). You're at a healthy weight for your height. And I'd kill for some bigger boobs, so right here is one person who's already envying your body type if that makes you feel better!

What makes YOU feel good about YOU? Find that, and do it. Don't try to get your self-esteem from your boyfriend. No offense, but he's messed up in the head. Whether or not he is going to work on it is up to him, but don't derive your self-esteem from someone with a messed-up head.

ETA: My H cheated on me with a woman who outweighs me by a good 30-50 pounds, and who dresses like a whore (based on her facebook pics). I'm a college-educated professional who works for a multi-billion dollar international engineering company. She's a nail tech who he picked up in a bar. He also cheated on me with an escort. I spent LOTS of time raging about how men want to date/marry the good, responsible girl and have fun with the slut. It's not fair. I know. But it's on THEM, not on us.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 8:41 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6556 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Lonelygirl10
Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

I don't want to come off as being full of myself but I know what my assets are....it's my body and my looks. My husband cheated on me with a girl that works for him and who isn't very attractive. Gaps so big between her teeth, you drive a mac truck through them. (I know that's mean but I'm angry and jealous right now) Very plain jane. Thing is she is smart. Way smarter than me and I hate that. I'm so jealous!! I feel like he thinks she is so perfect at everything and can fix all of his problems. I wish he saw me that way. All I'm good for is to stand there and look pretty. Even my therapist says I'm like a trophy to my husband. He has destroyed my self esteem and I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get it back. I compare myself to her constantly. I keep trying to convince myself that he picked her not because she was better than me, but because she's just different than me.

This helped me to see that regardless of whether we think the OP is more or less attractive, it still hurts because we feel that they had something we don't. I'm sorry that you're going through this.

Who are these people? WTF.

The people who say that are my friends. The guys I show her picture to say that. The girls point out that she has small boobs. But it's pretty obvious by looking at her that she's gorgeous. My BF is very attractive. I always got butterflies looking at him. But, honestly, she's more attractive than he is. She's gorgeous. Why did she go after him? And she did. She worked with him for a year, doing little things that made me jealous, before anything happened between them. She would show him pictures of herself at work, and he would ignore her and tell me about it. One time they went out drinking with their boss, and she stripped down to her underwear and danced on the table. He said that he left the room, and told me about it the next day. A year later, he ended up having sex with her. Why did she want him so much? Maybe because he kept telling her no?

I just mention this to nudge you away from the line of thinking that if you were thinner, or had smoother skin that your husband would have never cheated. That is simply false.

This does keep going through my mind. Every time I look in the mirror, all I see are my flaws. And I think of them laying in bed, with her talking about how she's prettier than me. I know that him having sex is a huge sign of disrespect toward me, but I feel like he should have at least stood up for me when she talked badly about me. I was fighting the urge all last night to ask what else she said about me, but I'm not sure if I really want to know. I want to know, but I know it'll hurt.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1034 | Registered: Jul 2013
Lonelygirl10
Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

ETA: My H cheated on me with a woman who outweighs me by a good 30-50 pounds, and who dresses like a whore (based on her facebook pics). I'm a college-educated professional who works for a multi-billion dollar international engineering company. She's a nail tech who he picked up in a bar. He also cheated on me with an escort. I spent LOTS of time raging about how men want to date/marry the good, responsible girl and have fun with the slut. It's not fair. I know. But it's on THEM, not on us.

Yup, this upsets me. Right after Dday, I went through this horrible phase where I started trying to dress like the OW (short skirts, low cut shirts). He said in MC that he was attracted to her because she was the center of the room wherever she went. That makes me feel like I'm the person in the corner, and it hurts. But I don't feel comfortable dressing like that. It's not me.

I sometimes feel like either way women lose... if they're slutty, men don't want to marry them. If they're the good girl, their partners cheat. It's just not fair.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1034 | Registered: Jul 2013
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

He said in MC that he was attracted to her because she was the center of the room wherever she went.

There are some women who, due to their own issues, have to have all the penises pointing in their direction. Just think back to your past, in school, at work, in your social circle, and I bet you can think of a few. I'm thinking of a few right now. Some were super hot, some were mediocre, some were not attractive. But they do whatever it takes to get that attention. It's terribly sad and pathetic if you think about it. What kind of person needs to have every man in the room paying attention to her? What screaming need does she have inside of her to make her do that? It must be hell.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6556 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

LG, for an OW to tell the man she is cheating with that she is 'prettier' than the wife tells you right there what she is made of. Nothing. She is made of nothing. Clearly 'pretty' is all she has going for her. I call these type of OW's 'a hole without a soul'. That's all she was, a willing hole. She may have been all wrapped up in a pretty little package, but guess what? That package will not last. It will age, it will wrinkle, it will sag, and not a damned thing she can do about it. Then she will have nothing going for her. She will be a bitter, venomous, soulless, empty shell of a human being.

And you sweetie, will still be the beautiful 5'7" 150lb (and BTW lonely girl, there is NOTHING wrong with 150 lbs, Jesus, many women would kill to be 150!), beautifully freckled, highly intelligent, successful, competent, HONEST, loyal, faithful person that you have always been. Your character and soul are intact. YOU my dear, are the prize, not the 100lb hole without a soul.

Fuck her.

I know the hit this takes on ones self esteem. It's horrible. It is devastating. And it is one of the most difficult parts of all this, especially for us women. I feel your pain. But you will get thru this. I promise.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7021 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

LG10...you are dang right he should have stepped up for you when she may have been running you down...but he should have stepped up for you much sooner then that...like before he decided to committ adultery.

Keep mindful of revenge affairs. I wrestled with that hard...the need to ease the rejection you are feeling is a strong force. And there are plenty of men out there who would gladly oblige you in your current, but not forever, state of being.

Just look at the numbers of members on this site alone and that should tell you there is plenty of opportunity for all of us to make the same, horrid choice the WS have made.

If you continue to struggle with the whole outward appearance issue...dig through this site and find the links that allow members to post pictures.

I have viewed this...and it is shocking. I also know people at work who committed adultery...and it is shocking.

What do I mean by shocking? I mean a lady I work with is a rounded grandma and she cheated. The pics I have viewed on here range from gorgeous BS women to very ugly WS men...and many, many, many regular folks. Again, I very much enjoy regular folks so this is not a put down.

Just, if you can, think about the statistics regarding affairs....30-80% of all marriages have infidelity enter them at some point. That means on the low end 1 in 3 will experience it...on the high end 3 out of 4 will experience it.

Even without looking at pictures or knowing real people who have cheated this should tell you that there are not enough "hot" Applebee waitress's out there to fill this insatiable societal "need" to committ adultery.

Honestly, I don't know if this makes it better or worse. The thought of my wife snuggling into her AP's double chin or having his gut spill onto hers is so gross to me that I almost wish he were a Chippendale dancer body type instead. Add to that his lack of remorse or willingness to engage me (he displays mouse like behavior) as I run into him around our small town makes me scratch my head even more. She left me for that?! is my response now.

You will get there LG10...I know it in my heart.

God be with you.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 9:22 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

janagreen...your post made me laugh out loud. I work with such a woman.

I have nothing to add...just thanks for making me laugh.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

janagreen...your post made me laugh out loud. I work with such a woman.
I have nothing to add...just thanks for making me laugh.

I worked with one of those too (and we all were overjoyed when she quit). She had affairs with two married men in the brief time I knew her. She flew into a rage one day when we were walking down the hall together and a male coworker complimented my toenail polish ("What am I???!? Chopped liver??!!?") These people are so ridiculous and exhausting. They can be charming for a little while but then you start to get a sense of the huge black hole of need inside them, and the only healthy response is to RUN AWAY!

That's what you're comparing your awesome self to, Lonely Girl.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 9:56 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6556 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Lonelygirl10
Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

Just, if you can, think about the statistics regarding affairs....30-80% of all marriages have infidelity enter them at some point. That means on the low end 1 in 3 will experience it...on the high end 3 out of 4 will experience it.

This is so depressing. I've had thoughts off and on of I don't deserve this, I'll find someone who won't cheat no matter how pretty the girl is. And then I think about this, and how many people are going through it. It's so depressing knowing that I'll likely have to go through it no matter who I date or marry.

And you sweetie, will still be the beautiful 5'7" 150lb (and BTW lonely girl, there is NOTHING wrong with 150 lbs, Jesus, many women would kill to be 150!), beautifully freckled, highly intelligent, successful, competent, HONEST, loyal, faithful person that you have always been. Your character and soul are intact. YOU my dear, are the prize, not the 100lb hole without a soul.

Thank you. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm whiny. Before Dday, I felt confident about my body. I always knew that I wasn't a 100 pound girl, but I wore clothes that emphasized my good features. I felt okay in a bathing suit. Now I just think about the OW in a bathing suit. I hate, hate, hate going to the beach with my wBF now because I know he saw her in a bathing suit. I doubt you could pinch any fat at all off that girl.

The one thing that does sometimes make me feel better is that she criticized him all the time. She said that he needed to wear better clothes, and she allegedly told him that he was bad in bed. But, he also told me that he gave her an O. I told him that girls fake that all the time, and he said that she wasn't the type of girl that fakes it. Doing that is very important to him, and he can't make me. So it's another way that I feel inadequate.

With the ONS, he said that she wasn't attractive. He said that she was a lot larger than me, and a different race (which he isn't attracted to). That one is hard to understand too. It's almost like the ONS would make more sense if it was a pretty girl, and the A would make more sense if it was someone he loved. But nope, that's not it. And it doesn't make any sense.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1034 | Registered: Jul 2013
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

LG, I personally know an incredibly gorgeous young lady, (the daughter of a friend). She actually became Miss XXX (my state) about 4 years ago.

She is incredibly insecure. She posts pictures of herself all over Facebook constantly, under the auspices of 'I'm working out, watch my progress'. The pics are very revealing and IMO totally inappropriate for Facebook, ie, pulling up her shirt, and pulling down her shorts almost revealing her vajayjay, supposedly to show her abs. Other pics of her actually arching her back and showing off her buns of steel in work out shorts so tight she may as well be naked.

Of course she gets zillions of comments saying how fab she looks, (especially from guys). In some of the shots she takes from home, you can see her little toddler boy in the background, and she rarely of ever mentions him, or posts pics of him. It's disgusting.

Where as most young mothers I know are posting pics of their children 99% of the time, this young women is soooooo insecure that she thrives and feeds on the comments to her Facebook pics.

It is quite disturbing. And if I were her mom, I think I would slap her silly!

These types are so wrapped up in themselves they have absolutely nothing to offer the world but a pretty picture and a vajayjay. Sad. Just so sad.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7021 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

I hate, hate, hate going to the beach with my wBF now because I know he saw her in a bathing suit.
I totally get this. We live on the coast, and the beach used to be a huge part of our lives. Now it is all but ruined for me. (Try being 55 and putting on a bathing suit and sitting on the beach watching your H watch all the pretty young things strutting around. ). I can assure you, it is not fun.

Sweetie, you are young, and I hate to see you paralyzed by feeling of inadequacy about your body. Please please please enjoy and appreciate your YOUTHFUL body now! God how I wish I had enjoyed mine. But even then, I picked myself apart, finding fault with every little flaw. Now I could kick myself looking back. I was perfect, I was gorgeous, I was young.

DO. NOT. WASTE. YOUR. YOUTH. FEELING 'less than' that soulless whore your BF made a sperm deposit in.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7021 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Althea
Member
Member # 37765
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

(((LG))) We all go through a major self esteem his after Dday. My WH's AP was an older, less attractive, heavier version of me. BUT the thing he kept complimenting her on was how successful she was. You see, I too am an attorney and quit my job a couple of years ago to be a SAHM, she is a working mom. It made me so angry and I felt so undervalued. It all hurts no matter what they saw in the AP, but don't try to change yourself or beat yourself up for not measuring up. It is a waste of time.

I have a 5 year old daughter you is starting to ask questions about physical appearance and compare herself to her sister or other people; and I always tell her that the most beautiful part of her is her heart; and I mean it. I struggled with self esteem issues for most of my life, and the A brought some pretty ugly skeletons out of the closet; and it pains me to see my daughter or any woman doing this. You sound like a smart, kind, attractive woman. You have the whole package.

This woman is pathetic. I mean seriously pathetic. It doesn't matter what she looks like, she is always going to be pathetic. Don't do this to yourself.


Taking it one day at a time.

Posts: 441 | Registered: Dec 2012
cancuncrushed
Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

it really is two screwed up people who happen to run into each other. Both feeling lonely and both pumping each others needs. I hate to say it, but its not much different then when we met. You just bump into each other at the perfect time. I also believe if it wasnt her it would be someone else. His neediness had peaked. She came along. SOmeone else would have. SHe happened to be hired. ......


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 885 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
cancuncrushed
Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

Painpaingoaway. I am also 55 and headed to the beach, and my H has stared at young pretty college age girls. Yes, looking is instinct. Stalking in a trance like state is not. He is working on it. Last beach trip was better. I get all antsy. I am in shape. But you always pick yourself apart. I cannot compete with 25. ANd he makes me feel like sh it. We have business there. Otherwise, we have been planning trips without beaches. Its been a rain out for weeks. I am hopeful.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 885 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Lonelygirl10
Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

I met with my IC today, and she helped me to feel somewhat better. She also said that it's none of my business what BF and OW talked about, and that I shouldn't ask questions like that. She said that the answers will only bring me down, and I shouldn't listen to stuff like that.

I am going to continue to go to the gym. It will help me feel better and also to work out some anger


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1034 | Registered: Jul 2013
CarlisleW
New Member
Member # 39834
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

LG, plenty of women can't O from stimulation/s*x with their bf/h and actually I think it's worse to fake it, and I think his little tart probably did fake it. You are in no way inadequate, you are a vibrant, young, intelligent, sexy woman and (for me anyway) O isn't the be all and end all of making love, it should be about sharing a wonderful, intimate, loving experience with your SO.

I believe it's very important for both sexes to realise you shouldn't want to MAKE your partner have an O, you should want to HELP them reach O. Anyone who tries to make someone O just puts both parties under pressure and will probably fail!


Posts: 5 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United Kingdom
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

She also said that it's none of my business what BF and OW talked about, and that I shouldn't ask questions like that.
WHHHHAAAATTTT?????? Are you kidding me? Where'd she get her license, out of a box of cracker jacks? Sorry, but she has a screw loose. IMO it is every bit your business what they talked about. Will it hurt? Absolutely, but you DO have a right to know.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7021 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
BeautifulEmpty
Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

I understand this very well and big ((hugs)) to you but I want to point out something:
Notice how everyone has their story and while a few are different, most contain a bit of this same thing...an older, less attractive AP who thought it was awesome to have an affair with a committed man...a young, fabulous thing who thought it was awesome to have an affair with a committed man. You either know or can bet that most of these women were feeling pretty high because they could take what was someone else's. notice too, that these AP's are vastly different from each other in looks but they ALL did pretty much the same thing, with the same heart and spirit.
Gorgeous, young and hot.
Older, rounded grandma.
Older, fatter, uglier, younger, beautiful, plain...THEY ARE ALL THE SAME.
Believe me, as any other BS can tell you, it hits the self esteem NO MATTER what the AP looks like or has supposedly going for them.
And in the end, none of it is you.
None of it at all.

Perspective...I was fantastically gorgeous. I was a bigger built girl, not fat but not tall and willowy. I had my own fan club. I mean, actually...not figuratively. I did some modeling as an artists model. I was the icon for one of the sites that causes many spouses troubles. I was no 100 lbs but it made no difference.
You know what? I got cheated on.
I got very sick, gained a lot of weight....even so much fatter, I still attracted tons of attention although there was no way I'd get in a bathing suit. I got cheated on.
I lost most of the weight, worked out a lot, changed many things in myself for the better. Older, much wiser (that took real effort!) and...I STILL got cheated on.
I am struggling with wondering why, no matter what I do, I'm never good enough...but in truth, I'm pretty amazing...it isn't me. I've got my issues but I'm also pretty self aware and always working on being more so. It isn't me.
It isn't you.
I think of my ex MIL. She is a smug, self righteous woman. Ugly as home made sin. Unapologetically bearded, teeth missing, feet that can out stink a skunk any day. She's no beauty...inside or out. Very hurtful. Her husband never cheated on her and has always treated her like a queen that he has undying passion for. He's cuddly, cute and playful with her. He hugs her and pinches her butt. He never cheated on her.
Was it her? Nope.
It's him....
It's not us. It's not you and it sure as fuck isn't the AP. They are just willing and there. They are different. No one can compete with different because everyone is different.
It's him.
I'm willing to bet, you are quite lovely. I'm willing to bet your combination of brains, motivation, heart and freckles is more than enough to cause any number of men to feel giddy.
If you wanted to be a home wrecker, you could be but you clearly don't want that...and that IS you.
WS will often not know what to say when their AP says something negative about the BS because they are shook out of fantasy world and when they are shook, they know it isn't true and they suddenly know that THEY aren't true. They often don't want to say something to piss off the AP because they don't want to dwell on the reality of their BS or family etc...they don't want the intrusion of reality in the fantasy bubble...so they say nothing so it will go away.

You sound amazing. Go be amazing and recognize his failings as his...not yours.

As for the O thing...she may have faked it, she may not have. There are a billion things that can make it happen or not. He may have taken that as an ego boost and you have taken it as a hit but I'd suggest that it indicates nothing. O can happen at the oddest moments or not at all even though deep love and desire were present. If he really wanted to feel an ego stroke, he should have been investing in you and your O.
Sorry for the ramble. I feel you but really, you sound fabulous.


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 241 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

I'll chime in and say that I think one of the biggest hit parts of us is our self esteem.

It's one of the biggest differences I'm finding about this new person that nearly ExH has become...he gets his ego boost and self esteem from other people and mine comes from inside.

It's not easy "being happy with what we have or are given", as we are told to do, is it? Since I can't do anything about the short body I've been given, my greying hair and ever-changing waist line, I can find instead, other ways to feel nice about myself.

There are a few posts already on this thread that say "don't get self esteem from a bf or gf" and that's something I agree with, but also not easy.

FWIW, I will share that I am happy with myself when I consider my accomplishments, even in the face of massive adversity. I've only seen one picture of OW, but was very, very shocked.

And don't forget, I think it really isn't always about appearance but abut willingness and control and other types of things.

I have a friend who is this gorgeous, tall blond woman and she is also a betrayed person. I have an acquaintance who is a tall blond brunette with everything in it's place and she has a similar history, with abuse included.

I don't want to generalize but know for certain that OW in the case of nearly ExH was simply...available and pretty darn loose. And they made up things they wanted to about what they were doing, not seeing life, or the people in it, in a "real" way.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

P.S. Yep, nearly ExH also claims they "never" speak of me, but I don't buy it. I asked him what I died of, as he lied about being married to OW and he tried to say, "it never came up." I just wanted to know what story he used and was very curious, as were some friends.

I'm glad you're feeling better, LG.

And only 28 and a practicing lawyer-major accomplishment to be a source of pride!!!!!!


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
notquiteoverit
Member
Member # 32919
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)

I'm no great beauty, but I am attractive, in great physical shape and at 51, people still think I'm in my early forties. I also have a great career, and am very creative and artistic.

My WS cheated on me with a woman who was a couple of years older but looks 60, has a scrawny body, works in a dead-end job and lives in poverty due to her bad choices.

My self esteem is destroyed. What did she have that I didn't? Bigger tits. Saggy and droopy, but still bigger than mine. This ridiculous thing still bothers me.

Just because you think that OW is prettier, doesn't mean that she has more value. She doesn't. She is broken, insecure and has no morals. And, you are still much smarter than she is and I guarantee you that bothers OW. She can't compete with you and she knows it.


Me - BS 50
Him - WS 49
SOW - 52 destitute loser
D-day 1/28/11

Posts: 570 | Registered: Jul 2011
SuperSadWife
New Member
Member # 39896
Default  Posted: 12:31 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Well I'm short but not skinny and my WH went for an ugly short but tiny filipino not skinny by Asian standards but compared to me very.. Even though I have lost almost 80 pounds I will never be like that tiny petite whore. Yes I am much pretty but she's half my age and no one is repulsiveness by a 25 yr old body.. Several years Before that he was flirting all summer with a 23 yr old. Playing in the sand and burying him with her crotch and boobs in his face. He kept looking at me and laughing. So yeah no self esteem. I lose.


Me (50)BW
Him (46) FWH
DD 17 and seriously hurt by this all..
Married for 18 years..together 20yrs
EA 2009- 23 yr old that has a childhood crush on my husband. named her child after my husband...sick girl on & off +2years stopped when he started

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
Ladyogilvy
Member
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 1:26 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

We all know of Hollywood beauties who've been cheated on by their men with skanky hoes and yet we all end up feeling unattractive when it happens to us. I was magazine cover beautiful. I even did some modeling. When my WH met me, I was in college. I was such a nice person. Well traveled, well educated... I was the whole package.

WH never did admit who OW was. He claims the A I caught him in was with a much younger woman. If that's true, there probably was more that one A at that time because the one I have evidence of is only a couple of years younger than me, looks an awful lot like me. She was a secretary where he worked, her home number showed up on the phone bill he didn't want me to have access to but I got anyway. She sings with a band at at least one of the bars in our town. WH is an alcoholic and I didn't even know he went to bars. He hid his drinking from me even though it was obvious that he was passed out drunk every night, snoring like a jack hammer. He has since admitted to going to many different bars and liquor stores to keep any one of them from knowing just how big a drunk he was. My guess, he found someone who he could get drunk with.

Doesn't matter. I still feel old and and tired and like I'm not the nice person I was and physically like I'm falling apart from all the stress he's put me through. I know, objectively, even at 49, I'm still a head turner. But, I don't want to be desired by strangers. I want to be the only one my husband wants. He say that all the time now. He never even used to compliment me before but now he says I'm the only woman he wants. That would have meant so much more before he decided he wanted someone else.

It is not about how we look. It is about how they have made us feel. That is the problem. We have to find away to take back our confidence.


Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1512 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:52 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

My self esteem has been demolished. Logically I know I'm not unattractive, in fact ow is not pretty at all. She's smaller than me but she doesn't have a perfect body. Where I feel she's got me beat is my ws is obsessed with her. There is not one damn thing I can do to change it. This woman your talking about may look perfect but the ow my ws sees is not and he still wants her. I read this time after time on SI...its not the looks that make our ws cheat. It still damages our self esteem though, it just sucks and I'm sorry your feeling like this. I am too.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4729 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Lonelygirl10
Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

now he says I'm the only woman he wants. That would have meant so much more before he decided he wanted someone else.

This is very true. My Wbf says this all the time to me now. He keeps saying "you know you're the only one I want. You know I find you attractive." And I sound like a broken record saying, no, I don't know that. I knew that. But I don't know that now. It's like it just doesn't get it. He doesn't see how what he did makes me feel bad about my looks or myself. He gets that he disrespected me, and he apologizes constantly. But he doesn't get how it changed the way I look at myself.

WHHHHAAAATTTT?????? Are you kidding me? Where'd she get her license, out of a box of cracker jacks? Sorry, but she has a screw loose. IMO it is every bit your business what they talked about. Will it hurt? Absolutely, but you DO have a right to know.

Yup, she said that. I argued with her at first, and we kind of got into a debate about it. She's said a few things that seem odd to me. It's the first time I've ever done IC though, so I've just kinda started thinking that she's the expert and my expectations in relationships are WAAAAAY off.

For example, boundaries... I've been struggling with what boundaries I can create after the A. She has told me that I can't tell him to do or not do anything, because that's being his mother. There's a friend that I don't like that he has, and she said that I can't tell him to stop seeing the friend. She said that the problem isn't the friend, it's him. Which, granted, I can see that. I don't know. My IC sort of makes sense at the time I'm talking to her, but then I struggle with what she's said later in the week.

Just because you think that OW is prettier, doesn't mean that she has more value. She doesn't. She is broken, insecure and has no morals. And, you are still much smarter than she is and I guarantee you that bothers OW. She can't compete with you and she knows it.

He's told me that her ego was huge. She could never understand why he wouldn't want to date her, and he said that he was the first guy to ever reject her. I'm not sure how much of it I believe. He has sworn up and down that he is the one that ended it because he wanted to date me. But she had him arrested for stalking her, and she got a BF 2 weeks after that. He said that she filed the charges because her ego was hurt when she found out he was still dating me. But on my bad days, I wonder if she dumped him and he really did stalk her, and I'm second choice.

As for the O thing...she may have faked it, she may not have. There are a billion things that can make it happen or not. He may have taken that as an ego boost and you have taken it as a hit but I'd suggest that it indicates nothing. O can happen at the oddest moments or not at all even though deep love and desire were present. If he really wanted to feel an ego stroke, he should have been investing in you and your O.

Yeah, I know. I think it hurts that he defends the fact that he gave her an O. When I say that she faked it, I can tell that he's feeling defensive. He'll say that she's not the type of girl to fake it. He also said that it was in the missionary position, which I find very unlikely to be true. I know this is sort of mean, but I faked it after the A with him. He totally believed it was real, and then I told him it was fake. He finally acknowledged that maybe hers was fake, but still said she's not the type of girl to fake it.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1034 | Registered: Jul 2013
uncertainone
Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

But she had him arrested for stalking her, and she got a BF 2 weeks after that

You're an attorney, correct? You should know that having someone arrested requires evidence of a crime. As someone who truly was/is stalked by my ex it's recorded following, messages, txts, threats. You don't just point and they cuff.

Your IC is correct. You can't tell him who he can be friends with. That is absolutely a parent relationship and why would you want to be with someone you have to parent?

You increase your self esteem by showing respect for yourself. Part of that is not allowing people that disrespect you in your life and certainly not as a romantic choice.

He's not hurting your self esteem. You are by choosing him over yourself. You have choices and options. Pick healthy ones. You don't hang on to hot pokers, right?


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

and he said that he was the first guy to ever reject her

I can see how this would make her want him more. I use to be the same way. I'm not proud of it. When you are use to guys responding to you in a certain way and one comes along that doesn't pay any attention to you, you wonder what you are doing wrong. It becomes a challenge. And then to be rejected by that guy once you have his attention is a hit to the ego. She's use to getting her way. I'd bet money that this girl is more jealous of you than you are of her. It took years of therapy to get me to value myself for more than what I look like. I honestly believed that's all I had to offer. It comes from a very dysfunctional and abusive childhood.


Posts: 569 | Registered: Jul 2013
Lonelygirl10
Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

I can see how this would make her want him more. I use to be the same way. I'm not proud of it. When you are use to guys responding to you in a certain way and one comes along that doesn't pay any attention to you, you wonder what you are doing wrong. It becomes a challenge. And then to be rejected by that guy once you have his attention is a hit to the ego. She's use to getting her way. I'd bet money that this girl is more jealous of you than you are of her. It took years of therapy to get me to value myself for more than what I look like. I honestly believed that's all I had to offer. It comes from a very dysfunctional and abusive childhood.

Really? I guess I've never had that problem because lots of guys don't notice me I know when she first started working with him, she was showing him her modeling pictures at work. He saw her once outside work, and she took her clothes off and danced naked in front of him and their boss. He claims that after they had sex for first time, he kept trying to leave her to go back to me. And she was threatening to tell me if he didn't have sex with her, and she kept showing up at his house and his dad's house. It's so hard to know what to believe, and what he's trying to say to make me feel better.

You're an attorney, correct? You should know that having someone arrested requires evidence of a crime. As someone who truly was/is stalked by my ex it's recorded following, messages, txts, threats. You don't just point and they cuff.

I know. I pulled the warrant to look at it. It says that he was standing outside her house and refusing to leave, but I know for a fact that he was with me on the date that the warranted stated. The charges were dropped because she failed to show up for the trial. So who knows.


THANK YOU everyone for your support. It really does help just to feel less alone with the feelings.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1034 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 41