I have avoid saying
'you're doing it wrong' and instead 'I like it when...' or ' could you do XXX'. 'I need help on Saturday with ____. Are you free?'
Simple direct request for someone to meet your need. No guilt or hurt feelings if they tell you no. You can decide if their denial is significant or legit or negative or even positive. Sometimes hearing someone say 'no' can also say good things about them.
Its taken me a long time with TG to learn not to be afraid to ask for what I need in the relationship. Recent examples from my relationship: "could you help me put up the shelter for the horses?" TG- "no, my back is hurting really badly today. lets try for next weekend if my back is better."
Now I have some choices - 1) accept his counter proposal and appreciate his offer 2) get pissy b/c I'm not getting what I want when I want it 3) find someone else to help and ask them to meet my need. Obviously #2 is not an option
Situation number 2 Me: "That was kind of snarky. Please don't talk to me like that" TG - "you're right. I'm sorry. I'm really out of sorts because of this whole XXX situation today. That's not your fault. I didn't mean to take it out on you"
I can continue to be pissed and bitchy b/c he was a jerk, look for bad in everything he says and make the day miserable... Or I can accept his apology and believe him that he won't do it again. He is seldom like this, so I trust that I was heard and it won't happen again. I spoke up and told him how I felt about his behavior and what I needed. Problem solved. Rest of the day went just fine.
Part of the are of getting your needs met is asking directly. The other part is recognizing when someone is trying to meet them. But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler