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User Topic: Hispanic or Asian Women?
crushedheart09
Member
Member # 28573
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Where are they?

I think it would interesting to go out with woman of these backgrounds (and I am attracted to them) but they dont seem to be a lot of them on any of the OL dating sites.


M 28 years
D 3/2011

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2010
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Well, where do you live? In some areas of the country there are more of a particular ethnicity. I live in an urban area that's incredibly diverse.

However, I personally would find it off-putting if a guy said, "I've always wanted to date someone of your ethnicity, I thought it would be interesting..." It would make me feel... really objectified.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 8:29 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15318 | Registered: Jun 2006
Threnody
Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

I've tried three times to write a response to this, and while my intentions are good, in print it sounds racist -- against Anglos, to be honest.

So I'll just ask this: "Why are you only looking for them on O L D?" Ethnic events, food stores, you name it. There's a million places they congregate, just like any other ethnicity. Find their social circles. Start there.

But please, do NOT go wander through a cultural fair looking like you're trying to pick out the best basket of berries at a farmer's market. Holy no.


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
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Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

However, I personally would find it off-putting if a guy said, "I've always wanted to date someone of your ethnicity, I thought it would be interesting..." It would make me feel... really objectified.
This.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - R looks possible..

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6367 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
yewtree
Member
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

What is it about us that you are attracted to?
We are not "them" we are individuals.
Please don't lump us together.
I appreciate that you find a certain type of woman attractive, but your post makes it sound like you are looking for a particular breed of puppy.
It borders on being offensive.


Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.


Posts: 4652 | Registered: Oct 2007
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

It borders on being offensive.

I wouldn't even say borders.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

I guess I don't see the issue with it. We all have our preferences....brown hair, green eyes, tall, short, big, small, etc...Why can't ethnicity or race be a preference as well?


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13724 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

lieshurt, IMO saying you're attracted to dark hair, olive complexion would be a preference. Saying that you think it would be interesting to date an Asian or Hispanic woman presumes so much about who/what you think an entire massive subsection of the population is.

This is one of the better articles I've read on the topic, and I feel that she expresses it much more eloquently than I can.
http://www.thebolditalic.com/ChinHuaLu/stories/3180-why-yellow-fever-is-different-than-having-a-type-


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Saying that you think it would be interesting to date an Asian or Hispanic woman presumes so much about who/what you think an entire massive subsection of the population is.

But couldn't it also be that you know nothing about a particular subsection, so you are trying to broaden your horizons by meeting them?

I completely understand that there are some people who have preconceived notions about a particular group, but it isn't always the case. I'm half Asian. I've had plenty of men tell me they love Asian women because of their beauty, most especially their eyes. I don't really find that to be offensive.

In a way, don't we all have preconceived notions when it comes to who we choose to date? I know we've seen people on here say they only want to date people with degrees (assuming a highler level of intelligence) or only skinny women (assuming a higher fitness level).

I just can't label crushedheart in a negative light because he wants to try something new and different from what he's used to.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13724 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

You and I disagree.

Edit because it sounded like I was using the royal we

[This message edited by Amazonia at 1:52 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

My DS27 is very attracted to other ethnicities. He prefers them all over white women (we are white). I didn't find crushedheart09's remarks offensive. DS27 has dated many women of different races/ethnic backgrounds.

For whatever reason, DS finds those women more interesting and attractive. How else are you going to say that?

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 1:45 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9543 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Well if its about learning the cultures its one thing but if you are attracted to women of these backgrounds its something else. For hispanic women (I can only speak about what I relate to) try spanish dance clubs (depends where you live), food markets are good or even just diverse social areas. I could tell you a myriad of places to go if you were in my city but those are off the top of my head. Also this may sound racist but hispanic communities are close knit and although the younger generations are more open many families don't like dating outside their race. I had a hell of an argument with my dad growing up because I have never dated a hispanic man.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.


Posts: 2701 | Registered: Oct 2012
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

I am half Chinese. I think this whole thing can go either way and would just need elaboration on crushedhearts part. It could just be a preference like tall or brunette. But saying it would be interesting does sound like you're expecting a Chinese woman to walk on your back in bare feet and giggle behind a fan. Maybe it wasn't the smoothest way to ask.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1718 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

I think that men with large penises are interesting and attractive. Everyone on OLD has that.

Seriously, I could care less about looks. While there has to be some attraction, I find that I can be attracted to a very wide variety of men.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7563 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Edit because it sounded like I was using the royal we

I understood what you meant


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13724 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
crushedheart09
Member
Member # 28573
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

I guess my post was completly misunderstood.

I meant NOTHING racist or demeaning by the post, to anyone.

I am interested in meeting women of a different ethnic background. Nothing more or less.

Now I am reminded why I dont post here that much.....
Everyone assumes the worst about you.........

Jeez!

I am done with SI

[This message edited by crushedheart09 at 4:05 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


M 28 years
D 3/2011

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2010
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

I didn't assume anything...I was serious when I said the distinction between culture and looks. You'd be looking for 2 very different types of women. And my warning about the family stuff was legit as well. I know your comment was not directed at me specifically but I'm sorry if I offended in any way.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.


Posts: 2701 | Registered: Oct 2012
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Crushed, there is no reason to leave SI. There are many opinions and unfortunately, its very hard to get tone and meaning across without body language.

Hispanic women are difnitely in dance clubs. It really does depend on your geographic area.

Good luck with that!


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

crushed, please don't leave SI - just different opinions, I understood where you were coming from.

I don't know if it's cultural (meaning area of country, not ethnicity) but my experience in my state, Texas, is that people have different attractions. I know many black and hispanic people who have preferences, and we all discuss and joke about it (I'm caucasion) all the time. It's simply not a big deal with the people I know, and I associate with a lot of people from different socio-economic backgrounds.

So, please stick around crushed....


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4470 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
SeanFLA
Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

I really think you can't win in today's society. If you say you don't like a certain ethnicity you get condemned...if you say you're attracted to a certain ethnicity you also get condemned.

My mother married a European immigrant because she found his Irish heritage and accent attractive. Women have dated me because they thought my heritage was cute. I've been dating a woman who is originally from Germany. There's never been a worry over "them" or discrimination. Heck her mom was actually a Hitler Youth when she was girl. She didn't know any different being raised in Nazi Germany. But she's a very nice lady. We are products of our environments. I've heard many women in my years say they like Brits or Scots because of their "hot" accents. I don't find it objectifies or discriminates them. Or is this because he's a man saying this and not a women? That's what I see in this conversation.

I believe the difference in people being attracted to one another is what makes the world go round and it makes it a much more tolerable place to live in. Just my two cents.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
BrokenSpirit50
Member
Member # 34485
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Crushedheart09 please don't leave SI like many others have mentioned it is very difficult to express mood or feelings through words sometimes. No offense taken.


If I may change or lighten this discussion a little. I have not dated outside my race until recently. I am white and was matched with a black man on e-harmony who contacted me. After many e-mail and phone conversations we decided to meet. We seemed to have a lot of values and interests in common. He asked me if I have ever dated a black man before and I said no but, to me I view people as people, he is a man, I am a woman. Just from our conversations about family, work and past history he sounded like someone I'd really like to meet. We have been seeing each other for a short time but I have to say I am really enjoying our time together. We embrace our cultural differences and sometimes have a good laugh over them. We live in two opposite worlds. I live in an area where you don't have to lock your doors or, I can leave keys in my car (I don't) but, he lives in an area where he won't let me drive alone to his house, he will bring me to and from his house (he is a sheriff). He treats me like a queen.


I guess the point I am trying to make is seeing him has enriched my life in ways I have never expected and allowed my soul to grow.


Best of luck to you.


Me BS 54
Him WH 55
M 32 yrs - together 40 yrs
Kids 0
D-Day 12-18-11 (WH didn't want to R)
Divorced 6-21-12 Done!

If the grass is greener on the other side....water your own lawn.


Posts: 239 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Midwest
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

I don't think anyone was condemning him for being attracted to specific races.
I think some of us were suggesting that he be more cautious in his approach, since the way it was stated could be offensive to some.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - R looks possible..

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6367 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
asurvivor
Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

I remember years ago, a woman posted how she hoped she met a Latin man because she thought they would be hot lovers. If they would have had icon faces in those days there would have been laughing and goofy ones posted by every woman who gave the "you go girl" response. I distinctly remember this because it was a trigger for me.

I get the responses that Crush got...although some could have been gentler but
There was not one indignant "how could you" to this woman and I doubt there would have been one today. What was/is the difference?


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 539 | Registered: Jun 2011
I.will.survive
Member
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

"I guess I don't see the issue with it. We all have our preferences....brown hair, green eyes, tall, short, big, small, etc...Why can't ethnicity or race be a preference as well?"

^^THIS!!
Oh goodness, I wish people wouldn't be so sensitive! Don't try to defend someone else's "honor" or whatever it is here.

Would the first person to comment mention they were offended if he said he was looking to date a majority race...say Caucasian? He could also be Caucasian, but living in Puerto Rico perhaps.

I didn't see a single thing wrong with saying he was looking to meet/date specific race because he thought they were interesting. I think I am interesting. :) I didn't feel objectified and I don't want someone suggesting I should be offended by my race being labeled interesting! Wasn't an insult in my opinion.

[This message edited by I.will.survive at 7:22 AM, July 25th (Thursday)]


Posts: 530 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

I have a huge kink for Eurasian men.

Just sayin'.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Would the first person to comment mention they were offended if he said he was looking to date a majority race...say Caucasian?

Actually, I would. I've turned guys down from OLD because they are only willing to date white women (I am white).

Crushed clarified later that he wants to expand his horizons. That I find admirable. However, his initial wording was, the way it read to me, incredibly offensive. We react to the way things are written on a message board.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
asurvivor
Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

what I find offensive is how quickly people judge on here. No one said they wanted to "only"date anyone. I say if your offended find out what the hell someone means before you jump down their throat. I have also followed this site since 2006 and I can say with all honestly that if a woman had written what Crush had written there would not have been one negative comment...see my example above. The only difference between that example and this situation is that one was a man and one was a woman. This is the very reason I got off this site for so many years I couldn't remember what my screen name was. I honestly feel there is such an anger on here towards men...and I get that...that the bias is evident. Shit I'm out of here also.

[This message edited by asurvivor at 8:35 AM, July 25th (Thursday)]


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 539 | Registered: Jun 2011
SeanFLA
Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

asurvivor got it right....sorry ladies. I see it a lot on here from a man's perspective. There's a huge difference how men think about this subject than women I believe. If a guy hears a Ltino or Asian woman say.."I like white Irish guys, I'm really attracted to them and think they are hot", the men would be more than flattered because it's a boost to our egos. I know I would be. But many women on the other hand get offended if it were reversed and said about them. Sad but true.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

I honestly feel there is such an anger on here towards men...and I get that...that the bias is evident.

I'm not sure about an anger towards men, but I've definitely seen some have a double standard. For example, the attitude towards men dating younger women vs women dating younger men. Or, have a man post a pic of a hot woman and see how many woman are "offended", yet we see women post pics of hot men all the time and nobody says anything.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13724 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 9:59 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Everyone -

Giving your opinion is fine, attacking someone to the point of them leaving is not.

Please post respectfully.


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
yewtree
Member
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Coming back to this post...
I guess if you were a person of a certain ethnicity, and you were "lumped" together with allll of the other people in your "group," you might wince a little when once again, you are one of "them." I simply asked the original poster not to lump us together.

I am attracted to men of a certain type but holy cow, I know you are not all alike!

No reason to leave SI. I simply stated that it was awkward and bordered on being offensive.

Everyone has preferences, whether they realize it or not. And yeah, had I not gotten my knickers in a knot over the wording, I would have encouraged Crushed to follow up on some of the suggestions of the other posters.

When we respond to these posts, we bring our whole self into how we read what we are reading. I work in a very culturally sensitive and PC environment. Obviously, I brought my work head into my response.

Sorry if I scared you away Crushed...


Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.


Posts: 4652 | Registered: Oct 2007
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

That I find admirable. However, his initial wording was, the way it read to me, incredibly offensive. We react to the way things are written on a message board.

And this is why I hate texting! Everything you put can be taken out of context.

Now, I agree with what crushed said.. It is interesting to learn about different cultures, food, language, ect. How else could you put it?

If I said " I find that fish interesting, its different, I like the colors on it, very beautiful, I would to learn more on that fish".
Would that be horrible?

Learning about other people and where they come from and to express how attractive they are to us is not bad.

I am white with mongo in me, my wh is black and indian, my kids are bi-racial. Our whole family is blended with different back rounds and race. It is a beautiful family. I love knowing that people are learning to get over their fears and wanting to get to know someone other than who looks like them.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 32