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User Topic: Open Relationship
classy6179
New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

I am with a guy that wants to have an open relationship girlfriend but i want to know should i stay or leave for good?
i don't want to get hurt

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Do you want an open relationship?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13681 | Registered: Jul 2011
classy6179
New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

NO

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Then there's your answer.

Nothing but hurt can come of this for you if you stay.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21041 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
classy6179
New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

thank you

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
Abbondad
Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Please, please, DO NOT if you love each other and want your relationship to last. You will be playing with fire.

This is how my STBXWW's affair began, immediately once we started having a "sort of" open marriage. (Even though I now believe she inevitably would have had an affair.)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Dec 2012
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

I think you need to think long and hard about why you would even consider this if you so clearly don't want it.

Why don't you think you deserve the kind of love you want?
What's so different about this guy that you would consider lowering your standards for him?
Why would you choose something you don't want over the alternatives (i.e. being alone, taking the time to find the right person, etc.)?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13681 | Registered: Jul 2011
classy6179
New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)

true alot my friends tells me the same things

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Do not agree to this. He is apparently a cake-eater and you need to show him the cake WALK and moonpie walk your way to the nearest exit sweetie!!!

NO NEW HURTS!!!! ((BIGHUGZ))


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
lostmommy
Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

I would absolutely never agree to being in an open relationship. Ever. If someone presented the idea to me I would end the relationship I was in with them immediately.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
classy6179
New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

should i wait to tell him in person or text him

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

how long have you been together?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13681 | Registered: Jul 2011
classy6179
New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

One Year finally a month ago he got divorce

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

A) You say you don't want an open relationship, so do not compromise it. You will get hurt.

B) The fact that he even broached this is a red flag that he is going to try to pursue an "open relationship" with or without your knowledge...

One Year finally a month ago he got divorce

ETA: wait... are you saying that you were the OW for the past year?

[This message edited by hurtbs at 1:31 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15318 | Registered: Jun 2006
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

ETA: wait... are you saying that you were the OW for the past year?
?????????


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9539 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

'k, y'all.

Let classy answer so that she can be helped in Wayward if that's the case.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21041 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

OW or not, I would end things with him in person after a year.

Check out http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk. If your friends are telling you your boundaries need help and this post is an accurate assessment of them, this might be a good resource for you.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 1:42 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13681 | Registered: Jul 2011
classy6179
New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

K i will tell him person

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
classy6179
New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

the problem is he comes around each time stupid me comes around each and every time hoping this time is real.

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Maybe Iím cold but I don't understand the necessity for a face to face in order to end a relationship. If the relationship didnít work, you donít need to play it right so that friendship can immediately ensue. Itís not going to happen. End it in whatever way is most comfortable for YOU. Be clear that you are done, erect strong boundaries, go NC, and get on with your healing.

Posts: 3339 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
classy6179
New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

we don't have any problem he tell his family that am girlfriend and that we have an open relationship. he feels since he always traveling for months at time that we could go out as we please.

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Honey, you don't have to accept this. Please value yourself enough to stick to your boundaries and kick this guy to the curb.

Pretty damn convenient that the second his divorce is final, he wants an open relationship so that he doesn't have to commit to you. Stop wasting your time with him, sweetie.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5037 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
heartbroken_kk
Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

classy, can you help me understand what your relationship with this guy has been? Did you mean that he has been legally married up until a month ago, but you have been dating for a year? In other words, have you been dating a man who was still legally married, who only recently finally got divorced?


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1121 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
classy6179
New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

I met him on dating site over year ago after my rough break up with my EX. We met in casual place and told me that we was separated from his wife. we have wonderful time together each and every time he comes. but he loves to disappear from time to time. At first he took off to the west coast told me he had go cause in florida it was very difficult to find job which i agree. i felt that he was running away. i had met someone and told him that this long distance relationship this is something i couldn;t do. So, He comes back two month later looking for me. so stupid me went saw him and lied to the guy i met. so comes back in my life again. Once again he leaves no phone calls no nothing so found second relationship and he comes back again stupid again come back. for year its been the same story finally he get divorce my daughter ask him if he ever going to married me and found it hard to answer my daughter all he said we are just friend. So he tell his cousins that am his girlfriend and that we are an open relationship.


Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
chikastuff
Member
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Don't walk, RUN!


Seriously, this guy sounds like my ex. Read my profile, are you sure you want to subject yourself to that?

"Open" relationships are for people with no morals or self respect.


Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Honey, what are you getting from this relationship?


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15318 | Registered: Jun 2006
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Geez - he is just playing you when it works for him? You deserve better!!

So he tell his cousins that am his girlfriend and that we are an open relationship.

Yeah - he tells them that so he has a 'free pass' to be seen with whoever he wants.
Don't let him take advantage of you anymore - you deserve better!

Plus you do not want this to be an example to your daughter of how men should treat her.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2053 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
gma56
Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

So what values do you have in common with this man ?

Fidelity is a huge one not to agree on.
Time to break up and move forward so you can find the right man with values that compliments your own.
I don't share well so I would have been gone after the first conversation on open relationships and he continued forward without my approval.
Hugs don't accept less than you deserve,ever !
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20364 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, July 26th (Friday)

Listen to what he is telling his family. He's already in an open relationship.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4744 | Registered: Feb 2008
Topic Posts: 29