I'm so sorry to read your story and what you are going through.
You are not crazy! You are not some obsessed, crazed woman! Don't think that.
What you are thinking, feeling, even doing, are all part of this horror called adultery. We all understand your pain.
Infidelity causes a deep wound that requires a very long time to heal, but it will. You may always have a scar, but the wound won't always be so painful.
This forum is a good place for you now. Suffering alone is such a difficult way to go.
If you can, please seek IC. Then, if your WH will participate, consider MC down the road.
Utilizing the experience and support of the members here, plus IC & MC, will make your road back a little smoother...not easy...but perhaps easier.
2.5 months after DDay is such a short time. It took me a well over a year to find a way to heal myself.
And that's what it's all about...First, heal yourself. After that, you can concentrate on what you want regarding your marriage.
What is your WH doing for you today? He must show you with actions, not words that he is sincere in his desire to reconcile.
Until then, please try to take good care of yourself. This is such a long, hard journey.
But, you won't be alone. We promise
Please continue to post here. Tell us your story. People care, they care about you, what you are going thru, what you are feeling, what you fear.
If you want advise, we will offer it. If you just want someone to listen, we will do that too. There are times when you want a shoulder to cry on - we have plenty of those. Use us. We're here for you.