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User Topic: Can I help her without telling her...
jjsr
Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

I volunteer at a place on post. Today I was talking with another volunteer, and she told me she was moving to Atlanta on Aug 7th. I thought they got orders to move. Nope seems she found out in April he cheated on her well over a yr ago because after that he went to Afghanistan. She also said something about another cell phone. She says she is taking the kids and going to stay with her family for awhile but she doesn't really believe in divorce. She says shes very angry and wants to smash his face in ( which we all can relate too)
I asked her a couple questions like are they in MC ( yes) and he is doing what hes supposed to as far as transparency etc but she is so angry. Anyway, I so wanted to tell her I understand and wanted to tell her about this site but I just couldn't. I don't want anyone where I volunteer or anyone here to know what I have been thru so I am not sure how I could help her. Any thoughts?


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1528 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Texas
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Maybe you can say that someone close to you has gone through this? I mean, it's kinda true.

I think that this kind of stretch is ok... you're protecting your privacy but also trying to help someone.


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot

Posts: 14522 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
kiki1
Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

hello jjsr

can you tell her of the site by saying " a friend of a friend" line.

asking her if she has done online infidelity research?


Posts: 379 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

This is what I say, "I have several friends who gave gone through this the past few years, some have found help online. And it is also my understanding that the book Not Just Friends can be a life saver." Or something similar.

My poor *friends*. All drug under the bus to save me.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 5850 | Registered: Jan 2011
tryingmybest2011
Member
Member # 32584
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

JJSR, tell her you have had conversations with a few people (us!) that have been through this and have found help online, as posted above.

Let us be your mysterious "friends" or "people". Complete truth!


BS: me - 36
WH: him - 36
DD: 7
DD: 5 mos

Married over 9 years, together for 18.

DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).

In limbo.


Posts: 316 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Ontario Canada
noescape
Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

Or point her to the huffington post article about this site, tell her to ignore the comments....

Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

"I was thinking about what we talked about, and I hope you don't mind but I did a little googling. I found some resources for you, if you would like them."


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 11954 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
purplejacket4
Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)

I think when you're in a position to offer advice in either a professional or volunteer role that people are just great full for the information and don't care of the circumstances you acquired it.

[This message edited by purplejacket4 at 11:05 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


Me: BS 44
Her: fWS 47 (same sex partner)
Together: 17 now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 1847 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Topic Posts: 8