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Just Found Out
User Topic: My 10,000th post - You Are Going To Be Ok
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Target  Posted: 12:36 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

For all of us, especially those who have Just Found Out that the person they are supposed to trust the most on this planet betrayed them, there are a lot of questions.

The range of these questions varies depending on the type, duration, and nature of betrayal, but the one question that burns in EVERYONE’s heart and mind is this:

Am I going to be ok?

This question is asked of those who have gone before us, and we are not only hoping for tips and tricks on how to heal, but some sort of timeline or goal so that we can mark our calendars out for the day when the bleeding stops and the sun comes back out. For some, peace can come in a matter of months. For most, it takes years… but the good news is that it is always possible. It is ABSOLUTELY possible to heal from this and to feel happiness again.

I can’t tell you where you’re going to be in a year, or the standard 2-5 years we’ve all come to depend on for our sanity to return and our lives to once again feel “right.” I can tell you that as I look at the number 9,999 in regards to how many times I’ve posted thoughts or feelings on this website, I see almost ten-thousand steps towards healing. Whether they were posts pleading for someone to tell me why this happened, posts venting about the unfairness of the situation and ugliness of the players, or posts about something that surprisingly brought me a feeling of joy I was scared didn’t exist anymore… each one was a step of growth. Progress. Healing.

As I look back at my time here, I see how much I’ve gained in terms of outlook on the human condition – mine especially. You hear that self-esteem has to come from within, you technically know it’s true, but it’s not until you have your entire world burned to the ground and you stand alone with nobody to catch you that you realize you are not only solely responsible for your own self-worth and happiness, but that you have the power to control both of these things.

Every day that we are here we are adding to our arsenal of personal strength and well being. We learn how to take care of our health like we should have all along. We learn that we are worthy of kindness and compassion, and we are reminded that showing compassion to others is always of mutual benefit. We learn that by not giving our emotions and time to the selfish leaves more energy for the worthy.

The pinnacle of this education, for me, has been the knowledge that our worst fears can come to fruition at any moment, and we can get through it. This betrayal is most certainly on par with any other life tragedy that one may face. We’re terrified of betrayal on a whole, and when it hits it’s just as bad if not worse than we imagined. But then something remarkable happens – the world keeps turning. Kids make us laugh. Pets kiss our faces. We perform something artfully, or skillfully and we feel pride in our action. We live – and we have the opportunity to live well again.

THIS is invaluable, and gives us a boost that those who have not yet suffered such a life pitfall are still lacking. We are part of a secret society who has gained crisis-management skills that will benefit us throughout our lives. Now, when faced with things like betrayal, death, financial hardship, illness, or any other emergency, we have a new outlook. We know we can survive, and instead of dropping to our knees in surrender we reach into our bag of strength for the tools we assuredly know exist because we developed them here.

YOU ARE GOING TO BE OK. THOUSANDS OF US ARE HERE TO TELL YOU SO.

I promise that if you try to reach inside yourself for that strength, it will be there. It grows every day. Every drink of water you take when you want to give up is strength. Every kindness you extend to someone you don’t particularly care for will build you up. Every time you look in the mirror and say, “I am good. I am worthy.” you will be building up a foundation of believing that – and rightly so.

It’s going to be ok.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
SuperDuperWonderboy
Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 12:45 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Thank you Jrazz. That was excellent. And thank you for all that you do.

[This message edited by wonderboy at 12:25 PM, July 25th (Thursday)]


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1272 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
ecm1212
Member
Member # 33460
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Thank you Jrazz, that was a beautiful and helpful post.



BS (me) 45

STBXWH 48

M: 26 years
T: 28
Two DS 26 and 24

Divorcing


Posts: 75 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Florida
timeforchange
Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Thank you for your wise words.
Not just on this post but the thousands before it too.

Thank you also for the time you give to SI.

To those who have Just Found Out... Please read and re-read this.

It is true. You can rise again from the ashes of infidelity. Life will get better.... Things will be ok on time. Please never lose sight of that.

If you reconcile or divorce life will go on.

My wish for you all is that you will
Not just survive but thrive and rise up again to reclaim life, joy and happiness.


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:25 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

((((Jrazz))))

Thank you.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7153 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
MovingUpward
Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Beautifully put, my friend.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51526 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
bionicgal
Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Just what I needed to hear this morning.
Namaste.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 7:20 AM, July 25th (Thursday)]


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1768 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
forgivingnow
Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

I know one word posts don't count.....but


WOW

You are an incredible writer and thank you so much. I will keep reaching inside for that strength.


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 598 | Registered: Oct 2011
Jennifer99
Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

(((Jrazz)))

Thank you.


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Thank YOU all for being here and sharing this.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Blackhair
Member
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Thanks Jrazz, awesome post here, I feel the strength when reading it! That is what we all need right now!


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 163 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Excellent, Well said.
Newbies please listen. Every word is true.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7826 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Happy  Posted: 9:52 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Jrazz

((hugs))

It is such a long and painful journey but it is one that much can be discovered that is positive as well.

Thanks for sharing all your words of wisdom and caring thoughts.

You are a God send.

Many your continue to grow and bloom in all the ways you desire.

Many hugs.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1103 | Registered: Apr 2013
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, July 25th (Thursday)


..

..well said Jrazz..

and thanks!

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
HardenMyHeart
Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, July 25th (Thursday)


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Posts: 5624 | Registered: Aug 2007
putonahappyface
Member
Member # 30269
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

That was beautiful & empowering, Jrazz! Even though it's not "approved literature," I'm going to read this at my next Sanon mtg! Thanks for all you do!


BS (me) - 50; SAWH- 51 (hurtherbadly)
Married 26 yrs
2 DS - 21&17
Dday 6/4/2010. 2 EA/PA
11/15/12 update: discovered porn addiction
4 years out: M is strong; FWH is a new man :)


Posts: 719 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Bluegrass
Lucky
Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Thank you jrazz for such a wonderful post, it's all true - you will heal from this.

I'm an SI veteran heading into nine years out, we are reconciled, happier than ever, more in love than ever, stronger than ever, changed forever - but for the better.... Walking through the fire was absolute hell at times & questioning too many times when the struggle seemed impossible...

Whichever path you chose you will be wiser & stronger in ways you can't imagine!

Just remember you will always find comfort and support here.


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
OnAnIsland
Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Thank you to one strong and wise woman!


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1477 | Registered: Dec 2011
dargirl
New Member
Member # 39909
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, July 25th (Thursday)

Just found out again... after all the pain from before, i forgave and did not forget.. but now.. all over again? how much can a person take..? I am usually a outgoing person and I find myself not even wanting to get up in the morning, IF not having to walk my dog I would never get up.. very sad and hollow right now.. started smoking, punishing myself almost, cannot eat, definately do not want to socialize, my happiness has all melted away.. I feel hopeless right this moment....

Posts: 26 | Registered: Jul 2013
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

I'm so sorry, dargirl.

The fact that you can label the pain with "at this moment" means that somewhere deep inside you know that it's only temporary. The fact that you're getting up to walk your dog is HUGE. Going through the motions is hard to do when you don't want to even get out of bed. See? Strength. It's ok that you need outside motivation right now.

I know that does NOTHING to alleviate the hurt and hopelessness right NOW, and I totally get that. I can't imagine what a new DDay feels like - I haven't quite been through that. Do you have a support system IRL? (Counselor? Close friends or family?) I do believe that our greatest strength comes from within, but I know that there are many times when we need help to climb out of the hole, too.

Well, we're here for you so post what's going on as much as you need, and PM me if you need a shoulder to lean on. I'm really sorry it happened again - I think it's time to protect yourself from your WS having any more power over your heart.

(((dargirl)))


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

Nice work, Jrazz. And I mean that in the broadest possible way, nice work.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6308 | Registered: Jan 2011
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

Jrazz,
I love the post, you have helped me in so many ways. Your words have lifted me when I was alone at night or feeling lonely in the day.

You are so correct!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

Thank you for sharing, not only this post, but your on-going compassion.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4588 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, July 26th (Friday)

Thanks to each of you too. Your support/friendship has always been uplifting.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, August 12th (Monday)

Got a PM from a friend in WS who suggested I bump.

Hugs to everyone tonight.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
pregnantandsad
Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

You write beautifully, and this was just what I needed to read this morning. Thank you.


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Thank you, I really needed this today.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
ascian
Member
Member # 40304
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Thanks for the post. I found out just a couple days ago and am still pretty tossed about, but seeing this near the top of the JFO forum helps ground me...at least a bit.


Me - BH 39
Her - FWW 36
D-Day: 8/13
Working on R

Posts: 266 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
marion
Member
Member # 33625
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

The pinnacle of this education, for me, has been the knowledge that our worst fears can come to fruition at any moment, and we can get through it. This betrayal is most certainly on par with any other life tragedy that one may face. We’re terrified of betrayal on a whole, and when it hits it’s just as bad if not worse than we imagined. But then something remarkable happens – the world keeps turning. Kids make us laugh. Pets kiss our faces. We perform something artfully, or skillfully and we feel pride in our action. We live – and we have the opportunity to live well again.

Thanks so much Jrazz.....
this is so valuable to hear.....
very inspirational whatever situation you are in....

Marion


Posts: 106 | Registered: Oct 2011
Abbondad
Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Thank you Jrazz. I have come a long way since my early questions, all manifestations of "Will my WW come back to me?"

I have since abandoned that question (at least 75%) and now indeed my question is "Am I going to be OK?"

With the indespensible help of SI, I know the answer to be "Yes."

Thanks to everyone.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

I'm trying to have faith in what you have written. This is all still very new to me, my husband isn't giving me any reassurance at all, and I'm fairly sure I will die of heart break if he leaves me and the children.

But I'm trying to have faith.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have


Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take h


Posts: 1729 | Registered: Aug 2013
IslandGirl18
Member
Member # 36781
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Beautiful. Inspiring. Well-written. Thoughtful. Genuine.

Thank you so very much!


me: BS
him: WS

D Day: July 27, 2012
Day of first suspicion: 6/7/11
DD#2: November 2, 2012

Divorced


Posts: 103 | Registered: Sep 2012
forgivingnow
Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, October 31st (Thursday)

Jrazz
I copied this in July and carry it in my purse to read for inspiration when I need it. Wanted to bump this for new members.


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 598 | Registered: Oct 2011
catatonic
Member
Member # 40758
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, November 1st (Friday)

Thank you,
This is why SI has been so helpful fir me. When you think you are all alone in your feelings. Someone a little further down the road puts you back on track
Thank you JRazz

Posts: 113 | Registered: Sep 2013
pregnantandsad
Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, November 1st (Friday)

You are wonderful, thank you!


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

I'm always happy to help. So many have come before me and lifted me up.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

I am so happy someone found this and moved it to the top, because I was able to see it and read it. Just wonderful!!! BRAVO Jrazz!!


It's so easy to believe someone when they're telling you exactly what you want to hear.....

Posts: 1760 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)

Thanks, painfulpast.


Found this pic today... made me smile and think of y'all.



We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
SoVerySadNow
Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)

Thank you for sharing your wisdom, your experiences, and yourself. Good job!


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
lordhasaplan?
Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

10,000 posts. that must hurt the fingers!!!!

Thanks for the wisdom....


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1863 | Registered: Nov 2010
SummerStorm21
Member
Member # 41320
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

Thanks for posting. Good to have something to hang on to. Interestingly for me it was only when I stopped trying to be strong and really did surrender to the situation that I felt any kind of hope in the world again.

Every person walks a similar but unique journey. I am trying to question it less and have faith there will be positives like you mention here.


BW

Posts: 112 | Registered: Nov 2013
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

10,000 posts. that must hurt the fingers!!!!

Hee hee - I have fingertip callouses - time to learn to play the guitar!


Summer - you make such an excellent point. Sometimes, letting go of trying to control of the situation brings us the peace that we struggle so hard to attain. Faith in the positives can be hard to come by. For me, I need people who have been there already to tell me what's waiting on the other side. That's kinda what inspired me to post this... in case there are other "Just give me the damn map!!" junkies like me.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 1:13 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)]


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Kaya
New Member
Member # 7806
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

Thank you Jrazz!! I needed this today and now.

Going into our 2nd MC session today in few hours which WH needs to address the A. All day, I am having anxiety about what I am about to hear, but reading your post made me feel that it'll be okay. As painful as it's going to be, it too shall pass eventually right?

Thanks for taking the time to write this for us here.


Me - 35
WH - 39
Married 4 years, together for 10 total.
DS - 15 months
DDay #1 - EA, sometime in 2005
DDay #2 - PA, not sure if it's EA yet. 11/3/2013.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Aug 2005
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)

You've been through soooooo much, kaya. YOUR strength is an inspiration.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Bigger
Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, November 14th (Thursday)

I hope my 10000 post (if I ever reach that milestone) will be as good, sensible and relevant as this one.


"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5488 | Registered: Sep 2005
Thefly559
Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, November 14th (Thursday)

Thank you ! That was a great post


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 611 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)

I hope my 10000 post (if I ever reach that milestone) will be as good, sensible and relevant as this one.

Thanks Bigger! Let's see... at the rate you're clocking you have about 8 years to draft something. I bet it will be spectacular.

I'm glad you liked the post, Thefly559.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
catatonic
Member
Member # 40758
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)

thank you Jrazz
Woke up this morning. Needed a little support from SI. Had very emotional talks with WH last night. Heading to MC today.
You are so eloquent . What a great boost for the day.

Thank You for giving the time, your talent, and experience to share that to those of us trying to figure this out.


Posts: 113 | Registered: Sep 2013
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, December 14th (Saturday)


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 12:07 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

That was beautiful, razzie.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15362 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
meredith132
Member
Member # 41593
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

Thank you for your timely advice xxxx

Posts: 52 | Registered: Dec 2013
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

Thanks naners...

That's what I'm really hoping for, meredith132... that someone will be needing to hear that they're going to somehow be ok and then read this and feel better. It's all true.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
forgivingnow
Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, January 21st (Tuesday)

Bump


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 598 | Registered: Oct 2011
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:58 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday)


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
wifehad5
Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 5:35 AM, February 8th (Saturday)


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 36501 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Abbondad
Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, February 8th (Saturday)

Thank you for bumping this. I read it when you first posted it, Jrazz, and now I've read it again.

My fear six months to a year ago when I was in unimaginable hell, my most intense fear was indeed this: will I be OK? And I did not even know what "OK" meant. Did it mean I would not kill myself and that would be the best I could hope for? Did it mean I would be able to get through one day without bursting into wailing sobs of grief? Did it mean I would not literally murder the OM?

What it has begun to mean to me is that I finally acted with strength I did not believe I had.

I filed for divorce from the person who brought me and my children pain.

I went back to work.

I was reminded that I am still a man desirable to women.

I sleep through the night.

I am moving to my own home.

I rejected my STBX's feeble attempts to get me back (I.e., return to cake-eating).

I gained back all the weight I lost.

I have plans for my future and feel excitement.

I am a better father than I ever was.

I will make someone a wonderful partner.

I will never permit myself to be treated like this again.

All this--if anyone reading this is still in the early throes of agony--took time, time, time, and more time.

I am and will be OK.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
Chickie
New Member
Member # 42390
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, February 8th (Saturday)

Wow.
Thank you for writing this Jrazz. I really needed the reminder today.

(And to Wifehad5, thank you for the bump so it was easier to find.)

In light of your comments, I'm now going to find the cat and surrender to the kitteh-snuggles for a bit.

Thank you.


The other chickie (Please accept my sincere apologies, I didn't realise this username was so close to another.)

Posts: 13 | Registered: Feb 2014
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:10 AM, February 9th (Sunday)

Ahhh kitteh-snuggles - that is the REAL healing magic! (I get pug-snuggles )

Abbondad - I'm honored that this thread is helpful to you. Your hard work through everything is truly an inspiration.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, February 21st (Friday)


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Breezy150
Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Beautifully written and absolutely something that gives us newbies hope.


I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo


Posts: 539 | Registered: Feb 2014
beautytoashes5
Member
Member # 41900
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, February 22nd (Saturday)

Thanks! It's perfect. I know in the back of my mind I will be stronger than ever before.

Posts: 91 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Southern California
Jpapageorge
Member
Member # 31800
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

Bumpin'.


"Either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." (and I prefer to live)
"Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed."
Spectemur agendo.
Me: FBBF

Posts: 1698 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: California
My_Name_Is_Alice
Member
Member # 34646
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)

Isn't it amazing how sometimes you're led directly to the post you need? I hardly ever read in JFO because the raw emotions are just too much for me to handle at this point in my healing. But today I did, and I found this post.

I really needed to be reminded that I'm going to be OK. I have no idea right now what will become of my M, but I need to stop worrying about that for a bit. I need to find my new path in this life. I might have been broken, but I'm not dead. I'm here, and I will be OK.

Thank you so much, Jrazz!! You're a very strong person, and you give hope to a lot of us out here.


Me: BW (38)
Him: WH (37) (MyNameIsDoug)
Married in 2004, living together since 2003
1 son, 6 years old
DDay: ONS on 10/23/2010
Living in emotional hell, but soon to be free
Oh yeah, life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
4everfaithful83
Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, March 11th (Tuesday)

beautifully written!! BUMP!


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
veronique12
Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, March 11th (Tuesday)

Thank you, Jrazz. Beautiful.


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 400 | Registered: Jan 2014
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

I'm so glad this is helpful.

Believe me, I have my share of panic moments (days) and weakness. Keeping close to me the thought that the bigger picture is going to be ok, and what I'm experiencing in the moment is temporary, really helps me get that peace back.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Angeles85
Member
Member # 42107
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

Thank u so much...you made me cry, well written. Thanks again

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Los Angeles
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

That was an awesome post Jrazz!!!! You're so, so right!!!! I NEVER thought I would feel good again. I literally thought I was going to die of pain in my heart and soul lying on a bed with runny mascara and two little boys by my side.... Now, I know I am happier, stronger, and more confident than ever. Thanks to the help of SI friends (Nature Girl, Aj's mom, Pink Jeep Lady, tushnurse!) I'm so happy to finally be S. It's unbelievable what hell I allowed myself to live in.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 3:19 PM, March 13th (Thursday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,alcoholic, suspected NPD SA. 2 boys. M 6yrs T13.
DDay #1 Nov, 2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (all W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan, 2014
Filed for D Feb, 2014.He will cheat again. But, It wont be on me.

Posts: 922 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
yme32313
Member
Member # 42091
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

I'm trying to take this day by day. You're just hurt and believe that it would have never happen to you.
It's hard when you first find out and it does it get easier but you still relive it from time to time. I'm still in the early stage and I agree it sucks!!


Me: 31
H: 55
Dated: Aug. 2003 M: Mar. 2013
Cheated: While dating

Posts: 162 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New Mexico
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

(((yme32313)))

I do not envy anyone in the early stages. Just know that we were all there in one way or another, and the roller coaster does slow down.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
yme32313
Member
Member # 42091
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

This is something that I wouldn't want to wish on my worst enemy. A broken heart is still a broken heart.


Me: 31
H: 55
Dated: Aug. 2003 M: Mar. 2013
Cheated: While dating

Posts: 162 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New Mexico
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

Having a good day today. But I'm going to refer back to this when those not so often moments now of not having a good day come upon me!
Thanks for all the help....past, present, and future!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2181 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Flourgirl
Member
Member # 40937
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, March 14th (Friday)

Thank you Jrazz! When I found this site I literally googled how to survive infidelity. I felt like I could die at any moment. The threads I read gave me hope for MY future not my marriage. I am still married sometimes its great and I see a future and others well I take minute by minute. I am so grateful for this post and countless others that you have put up. Thank you for your encouragement and advice. I don't know where I would be without my SI friends. To all who read this you understand me like no one can. You are the thread that has held my sanity together. I am going to keep reading and posting maybe someday I will be able to do for others what you have done for me.


BS me 38
WH him 39
Dd 7/1/13. TT 7/22/13
SAHM with 4 wonderful kids

Posts: 176 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Kansas City
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, March 15th (Saturday)


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

Bumping for justme1264 (and anyone else who needs it.)


Big huge hugs to you all today.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
justme1264
Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

Thank you. I dont need to tell you how much your post has helped me, someone who is in the first few weeks of his deep, dark hole.


Me: BH 32
Her: WW
Married 4 years
First DD Dec 2012
Final DD July 2014
Plug pulled July 2014

Posts: 188 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
LeftOutintheCold
Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

Thank you. Some days are so dark that I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. This gives me hope.


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together over 10
Status - still separated

Posts: 325 | Registered: Mar 2014
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

(((LeftOutintheCold)))


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, April 3rd (Thursday)

Bump for my friends in JFO.

(This is easier than typing it all over again. )


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
thisissogross
Member
Member # 30294
Default  Posted: 12:31 AM, April 6th (Sunday)


"A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love." -Friedrich Nietzsche

i edit frequently because i have to


Posts: 232 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: southern us
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, April 9th (Wednesday)


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7826 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, April 14th (Monday)


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, July 3rd (Thursday)

Thought about this post this weekend.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 84