I knew I wasnít ready to go through my previous chats/mails with CL. Yesterday I started going through few of them .. I wanted to find some mushy stuff.
And I came across a mail which he was asking me why I was being so distant .. It was even before POS2 entered the picture. That mail is hitting me so bad. It feels like tons of bricks have fallen on my head. I could have confessed right then.
I could have saved him from this pile of shit right then.
I was feeling a bit confident and positive for last couple of weeks. Now everything is down the drain. And I am back to being shocked/stunned/guilty .. that mail is ringing in my head where he is being so supportive and trying to understand what was wrong with me..
It took me 3 years to really read that mail and understand what he was saying.. its breaking me beyond belief.
I donít have any words to even express what I am going through ..