User Topic: A million questions in my brain!!
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, July 25th (Thursday)


I have an appointment to speak with my attorney tomorrow morning, but I just wanted to throw a couple of things out there.
We are TRYING for an amicable divorce.
He is refinancing the house so my name can be off it, between the balance and home equity, there is no equity in it. So that's a wash.
We met his financial planner about a QDRO, he is giving me his entire pension. I will use a portion of that to buy myself a place, but that doesn't come in to effect until the divorce is final.
He has agreed to $300.00 per week for 7 years, I wanted ten and he wanted 5. Kind of met in the middle on that one.
If house prices go up and in a few years he sells and there is a profit, is it unreasonable of me to have it in the divorce decree that he splits the proceeds with me?
I haven't broached that with him yet because he thinks giving me his entire retirement makes up for EVERYTHING and that I will be on easy street.
Does anyone further in the process see that I may be missing something?
This is so mind boggling and I am really struggling with keeping it civil.
We are still in the same house for now and I want to push this as fast as possible to get the hell out of here. So hopefully after he goes tonight, my name will be off the house soon. I am pretty sure I can get approved for a loan for a place even without that pension money. I don't want to get an apartment for just a few months and have to move twice, plus I have my daughter who is medically fragile to think about.
Sorry, sorry for brain is scrambled!!

Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 627 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

If you don't ask for half the potential future equity if the house is sold, you won't get it. Better to ask for it now than regret later on not having brought it up. And, asking for it is reasonable. Good luck; I hope all this moves quickly for you.

BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 504 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:39 AM, July 26th (Friday)

He is refinancing the house so my name can be off it

If house prices go up and in a few years he sells and there is a profit, is it unreasonable of me to have it in the divorce decree that he splits the proceeds with me?

If he refinances and you quit claim off the deed, then you have no ownership in the house, and I don't believe you could expect to receive any proceeds from its sale. The value of the home will be factored into the final divorce settlement.

Who has determined that the equity in the house is zero? There should be an appraisal done to assess its value.

The home equity debt may be considered a joint marital debt and you could possibly be responsible for half of it, so don't automatically deduct this off the value of the house. We had a Home Equity Line of Credit (Not a 2nd mortgage) and I was able to show that much of that line was used to pay off credit cards and to purchase trips and furniture for the house. Since it was not used to improve the house, it was treated like credit card debt. Half of it was deducted from his settlement amount when I bought him out of the house.

he is giving me his entire pension. I will use a portion of that to buy myself a place

I am part of a public employee's pension plan, so this stuff came up during my D. If he has a true pension, I don't think you can cash it out. I believe you would only be entitled to the payments once he retires. I think you should get this clarified.

Make sure the attorney figures out how much spousal support you are actually entitled to also. I think your stbx may be trying to pull a couple fast ones on you.

Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

Posts: 7823 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 6:00 AM, July 26th (Friday)

Thanks for the responses!!

Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 627 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, July 26th (Friday)

Health insurance? What about a life insurance policy - if he dies... no alimony.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4127 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, July 26th (Friday)

If you take yourself off the house and the mortgage, you have no claim to it if the value goes up. On the other side, if it tanks, he can't come back at you to pay anything either. Once you have signed off the house to him, none of it is yours, good or bad. check on that pension. You might not be able to touch it, or have to lose a bunch of it as penalties for drawing it out early.

I would not sign the qdro, or anything without talking the the L. You could be getting screwed here...he will own the house, and the only monies you will get you won't be able to touch for years.

BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.

Posts: 5521 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, July 26th (Friday)

This was a really tough time for me, too.

Once it was all settled, I could begin to think clearly again....

I got in my D where he has to maintain life ins with children as benef until they turn 21.

Are you sure you want to leave the house? If you can't afford the payment, I totally understand. But, like someone here said, the home equity loan could be something he would have to pay.

When I thought about my house having 0 equity, I remembered that I only have 15 years left on the loan. If you move, you start all over at day1 year 1.

Just some thoughts for you.

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2195 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, July 26th (Friday)

child support?

Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
Grace and Flowers
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, July 26th (Friday)

Re: the pension.

Yes, some pension (usually gov't ones) cannot be withdrawn. But my WXH had a pension from an old job and a 401k from his current job. I got half of both.

And, under a QDRO! You are allowed to cash out any or all of with no penalty...just the taxes, which you'd be paying later anyways. The 10% extra penalty does not apply in QDRO cases.

Good luck1

[This message edited by SadMad2012 at 9:28 AM, July 26th (Friday)]

I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1174 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, July 26th (Friday)

My friend did that with her house.

She refinanced in her name and took X off the deed.

However, they have a clause in there "IF" she ever sells, then her X gets half of the proceeds about $50K (the cost of her left mortgage).

So if it sells for $50K - all goes to my friend.

If it goes for $100K - she gets $75K and he gets $25K.

You can put anything you want into an agreement as long as you both agree to it.

My case is the opposite. I assumed the entire mortgage and got the house. There would be no way I would of agreed to splitting profit after I am the one paying all the upkeep, etc for decades.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 12:30 PM, July 26th (Friday)]

Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.

Posts: 2170 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, July 26th (Friday)

plus I have my daughter who is medically fragile

Make sure you have all the medical (who pays what) listed too.

Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.

Posts: 2170 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Topic Posts: 11