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Reconciliation
User Topic: Is this porn?
Flatlined123
Member
Member # 35862
Concerned  Posted: 6:21 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

So looked back at history on iPad and saw that there was about 20 views on women's undergarments. Anything from thongs to see thru bras. WTF?!

H was NOT looking at this stuff for me. I'm not even sure what to think of this. It was the equivalent to the SEARS catalog.

Bring on the opinions, because I'm stumped.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 677 | Registered: Jun 2012
ArableSands
Member
Member # 39830
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

Maybe a better question for you to ask is, "Did he look at this to turn himself on?"

What qualifies as "porn" varies for people. Instead of dealing with the semantics, I would look to the outcomes. A japanese woman dressed in a schoolgirl outfit might be a huge turn on for some guys, but not for me, for example.


Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vancouver, Canada
Flatlined123
Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

IDK. But you can bet we're oing to have a discussion about it tonight.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 677 | Registered: Jun 2012
BFFGone
Member
Member # 38263
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

Do you two have a boundary written up for porn?
I would highly recommend it.
Our boundary list is REALLY long and written like a court document lol.
Our MC supports it being so detailed. You need one hundred percent confidence and safety with his actions, period.
If this makes you uncomfortable, it's porn. Period.


I choose to thrive. I choose to be happy.

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger...but damn, aren't I strong enough yet???


Posts: 71 | Registered: Jan 2013
HardenMyHeart
Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, July 25th (Thursday)

Maybe he is a cross-dresser
I don't think this qualifies as porn.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5695 | Registered: Aug 2007
Flatlined123
Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 5:12 AM, July 26th (Friday)

We discussed the can and can nots when we decided to try R.

Porn was one of the things. My feeling is; if I have to police him, I can't trust him. If I can't trust him, I don't want him.

He knows that. I ended up falling asleep before he got in the house.

Guess this discussion has been postponed until tonight.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 677 | Registered: Jun 2012
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, July 26th (Friday)

I don't know if I'd go so far as to call it porn.

But let's look at it for what it is...you found 20 views of women in panties/thongs and see thru bras. A see thru bra is different from a regular bra..of course..because it shows everything.

While it may not be porn...it shows an interest in looking at women who are barely dressed. Some wives are ok with that..some aren't..especially after an affair..and that is ok too. YMMV.

Was porn a "can not?" If so,then tell him how this makes you feel and see what he has to say.

It's not porn..IMO...but it does show an interest..and it is a slippery slope into actual porn.

[This message edited by confused615 at 5:20 AM, July 26th (Friday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7673 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 7