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Reconciliation
User Topic: Devastated by one line...
naivewife
Member
Member # 38375
Sad  Posted: 6:29 AM, July 26th (Friday)

"You know you love me. You know you love me and all of my foibles."
WH said this to me last night, in a sort of playful way. Suddenly I feel like all the progress we've been making has been blown out of the water. This statement hurts so much on so many levels. I told him to never say that again, and never refer to betraying me as a "foible" (that I apparently love). He said something like, "Sorry, I don't always say the right thing."
Am I making too much out of this?


D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 341 | Registered: Feb 2013
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, July 26th (Friday)

I think sometimes they just say stupid things. The other night my WH asked me,playfully,if I would be his girlfriend. I mean,WTF??


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7313 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
LivingALie
Member
Member # 17217
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, July 26th (Friday)

Ya know - my H says stupid stuff like that too - and I don't hold back anymore. It is a way of minimizing - or it strikes me as "boys will be boys" - "I was bad" that kind of thing.

You did the right thing by calling him on it right away. Thats what I've done too - no, you're not making too much of this - I know how much that hurts.


Me: BS
H had LTA with co-worker
Both mid-50s
Two sons - grown and on their own
DD - April 2010
Please note registration date is not correct. See my profile for details
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Nov 2007
Blobette
Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, July 26th (Friday)

I agree that they say stupid things (don't we all?) But they should be prepared for our "stupid" reactions in turn. You shouldn't be worrying about over-reacting. He said something dumb, you triggered... them's the consequences. All part of the roller coaster. Goodness knows I've seized on things my WH has said and fretted about them and plunged into a pit of despair ("this is never going to work!") Did he understand why it upset you? Did he comfort you?

Please don't worry about this. It's going to be the pattern of behaviors in your WH that will decide you, not single statements like this. (But each one feels so important at the time!)

(((naivewife)))


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1055 | Registered: Aug 2012
HeartInADustpan
Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, July 26th (Friday)

I think sometimes they just say stupid things.

Yes! I guess I get a look on my face when he says something dumb because he instantly knows and profusely apologizes for it. A small blessing, I guess.

Hang in there.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
heforgotme
Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, July 26th (Friday)

Language is very important in any situation, but in one like this that is so filled with hurt, I think there needs to be a particular sensitivity to it. And this comment was definitely not sensitive. And very minimizing.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1076 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
sinsof thefather
Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, July 26th (Friday)

While it certainly could be just a poor choice of words, I do think it's a bit revealing too imo. For someone who has not only had an affair but actually put you through a false R too - he seems a little over confident that he's going to be forgiven if you ask me. This could be revealing that he doesn't actually 'get' how much devastation his actions have caused you. That's what would upset me over it if I were you.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1863 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 7