SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Need some ideas, hate being touched when triggering
TXwifemom
Member
Member # 37945
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, July 26th (Friday)

Hey guys, I need some suggestions. When I trigger I hate to be touched. I see so many people say that they want a hug or to be held when they trigger. It tends to make me feel angrier.

And ideas? I'm an acts of service type of gal. Seriously, it makes me feel better to watch him change my son's poopy diapers when I'm angry. Or clean toilets. Any ideas of things for him to do to help when I trigger would be great....

[This message edited by TXwifemom at 5:16 PM, July 26th (Friday)]


Posts: 231 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: texas
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, July 26th (Friday)

Changing poopy diapers and cleaning toilets is a good start!

Maybe you could make a list for him, or have a white board hung up on the fridge with ideas?

Most guys tend to want to "fix" things, and if you can give him something tangible to do, that might help him help you when you are triggering.

Since you are an act of service type of gal, seeing those items completed and checked off would be a good way for him to express his love for you too.


Posts: 7097 | Registered: Dec 2010
HeartInADustpan
Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, July 26th (Friday)

Seriously, it makes me feel better to watch him change my son's poopy diapers when I'm angry. Or clean toilets.

I think these are two great ideas!

Have you two talked about acts of service being your love language? Is he willing to do your love language? If so, maybe make a small list easily available to him with things that would make you feel good if he did. Sort of like a "Honey-Do Trigger List." Maybe a little cheesy, but whatever works.

I feel you on the touch thing, but I'm a little more whishy washy. I have times I do and times I don't want to be touched when I'm triggering. So, KB has a bit on his hands.

Hang in there.

**Edit - I had the same idea as a guide! Sweet.

[This message edited by HeartInADustpan at 5:32 PM, July 26th (Friday)]


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
TXwifemom
Member
Member # 37945
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, July 26th (Friday)

If only I could time my son's diaper blow outs.....yes he knows that's my language. In fact he asked me to take the quiz, because I couldn't volunteer it to him.

Am I the only one that hates being touched then? I can actually see him touching her and it feels like I'm contaminated and dirty. Want to shower dirty.

I am a bit OCD with germ issues, so maybe that's the acts of service I need......

[This message edited by TXwifemom at 5:51 PM, July 26th (Friday)]


Posts: 231 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: texas
TXwifemom
Member
Member # 37945
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, July 26th (Friday)

So here's something hilarious. My WH is apple3point14. He just posted on the Wayward side about fixing your BS, and his exact phrasing is that he "got shit all over himself during reconciliation"!

Lol!!!

[This message edited by TXwifemom at 5:48 PM, July 26th (Friday)]


Posts: 231 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: texas
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, July 26th (Friday)

If only I could time my son's diaper blow outs...

I used to dread the times when my wife would give our son peaches an hour or two before I got home from work. Not that I'm making any suggestions or anything.


Posts: 7097 | Registered: Dec 2010
Teach8
Member
Member # 36521
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, July 26th (Friday)

The only night my wh and I slept apart from dday on was a night I triggered so badly. We were driving in the car and I slapped his hand away when he reached for my hand. He had a pity party for the rest of the night so I slept elsewhere that night. I sometimes respond to a hug but sometimes I just can't be touched...and for the exact same reason as you.


Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R

Posts: 506 | Registered: Aug 2012
sodamnlost
Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, July 26th (Friday)

My languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. I also get the can't be touched thing a lot. More so lately, we are in hell week. I flinch often when he touches me. Hurts us both. No idea how to solve this.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Topic Posts: 8