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Reconciliation
User Topic: so so angry! need to calm please
cantaccept
Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, July 27th (Saturday)

h has finally been reading with me. telling me how it is helping him, helping us.

How can I forgive you is the book.

I have been having some hope.

today he did nothing, nothing.

tonight I asked to read he said no he is going to be lazy.

this is after me telling him this morning how much this means to me. How looking forward to this gets me through my days. how I want him to initiate the reading.

right now I am so angry I feel like I am going to expolode!!! I actually threw a pot outside and smashed it.

I have been holding so much in trying to be so careful.

doesn't he see how he hurts me? Doesn't he care?

He knows right now how upset I am and he walked away and is watching tv.

It is almost a year since this crap started.

I want effort or I want to give up. I feel like I cant take this pain anymore.

tonight I just want to run away.

I hate this, I hate that I feel so much pain. I hate that I am not his first priority, I hate that he can still hurt me.

I don't want to cry anymore, please


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divor


Posts: 1437 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
cantaccept
Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, July 27th (Saturday)

by the way he has only read with me for 2 nights.

why should I expect more?

I am a fool, he is showing me how he feels.

showing who he is.

I just cant continue to wait for him to be ready, it is killing me.


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divor


Posts: 1437 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, July 27th (Saturday)


..sounds like he's not really 'all-in' on this R..

..have you tried the 180 during this year of R?

..have you talked to a lawyer about anything?

..protect yourself, communicate your true feelings to him about your expectations.. and be prepared to make the tough decision if he doesn't pull his weight in this R..

..maybe he doesn't think you'll really do anything..

..sending hope that you find true love and peace.

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
cantaccept
Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, July 27th (Saturday)

I am so very very upset right now, I wish I had someone to talk to.

I am shaking, heart palps.

he has the nerve to ask me if this is any way for me to behave!

I have tried to be so very patient giving him time.

I have never felt like this before, I never get angry.

I want to tell him but I cant get the words out.

Maybe something like, if you are serious about this, if you really want this marriage to survive, you need to prove it to me. I am done trying to push you. its on you now, either make the effort or leave.

it sounds harsh but that is how I feel.

actually I feel worse, I feel like screaming and smashing things.


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divor


Posts: 1437 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, July 27th (Saturday)

You are NOT a fool! You are someone who has been traumatized..,
Here's what I would do: give him a time limit to prove to you he is serious about recovery with you. Meanwhile take care of yourself, work on yourself and if he doesn't get there, kick him out- with your head held high. He may have to hit rock bottom to "get it"
You deserve the best!!
Hugs!

[This message edited by rachelc at 7:56 PM, July 27th (Saturday)]


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5330 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, July 27th (Saturday)

Well, call me a financially irresponsible bitch, but were I triggering and my FWH was watching TV, then there would be a chair through the TV or the remote would be smashed by a hammer. FWH knows if ever the day comes that I see porn on his computer that it''s in the pool. Ditto the cell phone.

Because I am worth FAR more than those devices.

You want to be lazy? Well HELL, I WANT TO BE HEALED! You want to be lazy, then haul your lazy ass outside and sit under the stars. Because if you''re too lazy to do WHAT YOU PROMISED to help me heal, something that you SAID was helping US, then you can GTFO and watch the lint in your navel multiply under the tree in the front yard.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, July 28th (Sunday)


..
if you are serious about this, if you really want this marriage to survive, you need to prove it to me. I am done trying to push you. its on you now, either make the effort or leave.


..it sounds harsh

..sorry,.... NOT HARSH ENOUGH!

..he needs a serious dose of "upside the head" to get the f off the couch and give you the respect and devotion and attention and love you so deserve, if you are 'willing' to stay with this guy!

..stand tall, be strong and lay it flat on the line for him.

..there is no room for"LAZY" in a marriage ..if it is to survive.

sorry you have a WH, especially a LAZY one!

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Topic Posts: 7