User Topic: Sucker of the year award
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 1:01 AM, July 29th (Monday)

Goes to ME....for.shaving WH's back for him during the A.

He said at the time it was just uncomfortable when he worked out and asked me to shave it off for him. Turns out he wasn't even going to the gym.

Hate when these things hit me. True egad moments.

Anyone else feel like a sucker for anything ridiculous?

WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, July 29th (Monday)

Yes, I got one! STBX was trying to find a job so he was working on his LinkedIn profile. He said he had to have a portrait, so he asked me to crop his head/shoulders out of a family portrait we'd taken the holiday previously. I did so. Then he was fussing because you could still see part of a child's hair, so I cropped it more. I was so proud of how I'd helped him do his LinkedIn profile! I was helping him get a job! I was a good wife!

No. Actually, it turns out that he sent that picture to an OW.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9823 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, July 29th (Monday)

Job interview thing here for me, too:

I cut H's hair and pressed his shirt, dressed him in a nice suit... and sent him straight into the arms of OW.

The "interview" took longer than expected, so he told me he was insecure and sat in the parking lot for a while.

Posts: 11743 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 1:45 AM, July 29th (Monday)

I've got one - my WH had me help me with his words with friends game - never told me that he was playing with OW.... Ayfkm? It was well before Dday - I had no idea....

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 38966
Default  Posted: 2:53 AM, July 29th (Monday)

Me,me! I have one. I was emailing WH pics of houses, you know, for possible move into a new house. He was sending his favorites along to OW, for *their* new life together!

Me: BW 50
Him:Rockstar late 50's
DS: 10 , so precious.
Married 14 years, together 17 years
DDay #1 Nov.2012, plus more, more, more!
OW : 25 years younger than him, left her BH for my prize beast.
He moved in with her April,2013.

Posts: 118 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: NW
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 3:27 AM, July 29th (Monday)

I packed his bags so that he could go and sleep over at OW!!

I was led to believe he had to sleep away from home for 2 nights each week at a B&B for business....

Turns out this B&B was offering a WHOLE lot more than a bed and breakfast

BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1022 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 31576
Default  Posted: 4:01 AM, July 29th (Monday)

Me too - I drove him to the train station to get the train to OWs house and spend the night!!

Me BS 36
Him WH 38
DDay May 2010

‎"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes" - William Gibson

Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: UK
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 4:07 AM, July 29th (Monday)

I baked him brownies to take on his "business trip".

Posts: 629 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 30926
Default  Posted: 5:39 AM, July 29th (Monday)

I picked up his Viagra Rx, he took it with him to bike week in Myrtle Beach. Or as I refer to it, "Fuck Week"! Never occurred to me to count the number of pills as I was a very trusting wife.

BW me 47
WH him 52
married 24 years
DD 9/15/10
3 incredible teenage daughters
"it only hurts when I breathe"

Posts: 254 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 39521
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, July 29th (Monday)

I thought FWH was really missing me and the kids when he was out if town for week all the time so I set up a website to post our family photos on. He called one day asking for the site address, I was so happy he was 'missing us' since he'd been so distant at the time...realized later he was getting the address to show his MCOW

I still have a very hard time with that one, I feel so violated!

And like so many others, I packed his bags and sent him off to her week after week!

Me: BW 37
Him: WH 38
(DDay: 2/2008)
13 years, 5 kids...Six years of Limbo

“I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." ~ Diane Ackerman

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, July 29th (Monday)

I'd get up at 3am to take him to the airport, OW would be waiting to pick him up on the other end.... They'd drive the rest of the way to his final destination and spend the week together.

ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, July 29th (Monday)

OWUmpteen is a 24 y/o office gopher. A week or two before S the sad clown told me he wanted to get a personal assistant and thought she'd be perfect for the role.

I decided not to speak up about how inappropriate it was (at that stage I didn't suspect her - I trusted her taste more than his fidelity) - during False R he told me he had made a move on her whilst we were separated. Seeing how little regard he had here for his OWN boundaries let alone my boundaries proved to me that we were indeed in False R.

Anywhoo - I'm one of the top assistants in Australia. So I wrote the job description....

.....for OWUmpteen/current GF's current job.

I have to laugh. WTF did I put in that job description exactly?

What a douchebag for asking me to do that, seriously. Lower than a snake's belly button.

I think I win.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 7:07 AM, July 29th (Monday)]

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 17217
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, July 29th (Monday)

One Christmas my H came home with a leather belt that he said his secretary gave him. I thought it was a strange gift to give to your boss, really kind of personal – and I did mention that – to which he replied “oh, she bought them for a few other men in the office” ok, whatever.

A few months later he was upset because the buckle or something had broken on the belt and he wanted to buy another belt exactly like it. Honestly, I had forgotten the fact that OW had bought it – and we went shopping (keep in mind, this is the man who had no interest in clothes, I always bought him everything). I finally said, what’s the big deal to which he replied “well, OW bought this for me for Christmas and I’ll feel bad if she knows that it broke” and I really thought he was making a big issue out of nothing and I said “well, really? Do you think she’s going to be THAT close to your belt to realize the difference?"

Little did I know she WAS that close. To this day it makes me sick to think he took me shopping for that……

Me: BS
H had LTA with co-worker
Both mid-50s
Two sons - grown and on their own
DD - April 2010
Please note registration date is not correct. See my profile for details
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 1264 | Registered: Nov 2007
New Member
Member # 40057
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, July 29th (Monday)

Mine kept a copy of the Indian's baseball schedule on the fridge. He would tell me he was going to the game with coworkers then meet the slut. Same with hockey. That or go golfing and actually put his clubs in the car and drive to the motel. Now he tells me what he's doing every minute and you know what. I don't care!! I'll never believe a word he says.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, July 29th (Monday)

I paid the MOW in my case - she worked for us.

I lose the contest, because I fired her ass on D-Day. Then, I took her out to the shop and said to the rest of the employees: "Everyone, say goodbye to Skank. She's not going to work here any more because she and WXH are in lurve."

Stupid bitch.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7765 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, July 29th (Monday)

Any time I included xOw1 in our life. Going out to dinner, playing tennis, trying to help her when she was struggling with her M.

I saw red flags about how she treated MrH but I ignored them because I trusted HIM.

The two worst moments though. First, she called us scared because she heard something. Her H was working night shift. She insisted MrH come alone while I stay on the phone with her until he got there. This was preA. I encouraged him to go. He did insist I come with him...he tells me now he felt her attention to him was wrong too. Not enough to avoid going the next time she called him over alone...without my knowledge.

Another time MrH and I got into an argument. He went to their house to spend the night. Again, her H was on nightshift. I couldn't take it and went there. He was alone in the guest room prepping his gear (he was a cop then). I got on my knees and begged him to come home. He refused. I should've insisted on staying but instead I left with my tail tucked between my legs. He claims they didn't have sex that night. They waited until the morning.

I feel complicit in the A because of moments like this. This was in '99 and I still feel like puking and crying remembering it and other incidents.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11225 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, July 29th (Monday)

Oh we have all played the fool to these fools!
I would buy my ex hair color so he could literally "get back in the game" for his work/arc trips. He'd ask what clothes looked good; I'd tell him and then tell him how nice he looked...glad I could boost that ego a little more before he'd F his married whore all week while I was working and taking care of the kids...
A few days before his whore came to town he just HAD to buy a really nice sexy car. I went and helped him pick it out, and told him he deserved that really expensive sexy car...he was fing his whore in it just days later. Glad my name was on the title. Jack ass!
He had a two week work trip to Morocco, and I was so excited for him. He missed my parents 40th wedding anniversary party, but I told everyone how excited I was for him to have that guessed it; whore was there and it was a Moroccan sex trip Gov funded.

The best one though is just days before he left me and the kids he was telling me he was having chest pains. I was so worried and kept insisting he go see the Dr. I was so worried he was going to have a heart attack...a few days later I got the whole ILYBNILWY speech and then gone baby gone. Yeah; poor guy was having some anxiety about being the pos coward he is.
I was so embarrassed about all of these for a long while. Not anymore. I'm never going to be embarrassed for being a good person whom at the time was being a good wife and cared (past tense) about him. He's sick! FTG!!

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, July 29th (Monday)

If shaving the wayward's back gets the award, then they better make two..

xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2315 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Member # 26853
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, July 29th (Monday)

Haven't posted in a while but I would get this award too. Yup shaved his back too, I was so blind. These things got me after the fact as well, what hurt me the most were that he didn't think twice about it and likely doesn't now that he is off and happily married to his mistress....

Posts: 314 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, July 29th (Monday)

Holy Moly, forgot tha I too took WH shopping for all his new suits and shirts and ties....that he wore on fancy dates with OW.

I helped him for a couple of hours too, learning to tie a tie himself so when he went to his fancy awards dinner in Vegas he would look good. (the fancy awards dinner he took OW too becausenhe couldn't afford to take me)

I think we all win.

WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Member # 35907
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, July 29th (Monday)

I paid for husbands ticket to a sporting event so he could take whore on Fathers Day weekend. Also, when he started having all these out of town trainings me and our young daughters wrote notes and cookies and put them in his suitcase. My youngest cried and missed him so much and guess who he was with.
We are in this together my SI sister. I hope your H hair on his back grows back thicker 😉

Posts: 102 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, July 29th (Monday)

I got money out of our atm for him a couple of times so he could pay for the hotel room he was going to fuck it in.

eta: also he would "model" for me and ask if he looked "fat" in something and I would say no and he would happily go off to fuck it knowing that he didn't look "fat" for OW.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:15 AM, July 29th (Monday)]

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9798 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, July 29th (Monday)

He was complaining about the dark circles under his eyes...I bought him some cream that was supposed to help with that. His circles have been even darker the past 8 months!

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2444 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, July 29th (Monday)

Reading through these posts has made me sad to think that so many of us simply loved and trusted our H and didn't question things like this....
For us it was what we did for our H and didn't in a million years think he was being such a deceitful douche bag at the time...
Don't beat yourselves up for being a good wife!! We've all learned some tough lessons...fool me once, shame on me...fool me twice NEVER!!!
HUGS to all of you....

You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4845 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
Member # 25376
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, July 29th (Monday)

I'm hoping to at least get Honorable Mention for this one:

While my second husband and I were temporarily separated he asked me to go Christmas shopping with him to pick out Christmas gifts for his two sisters. Red flag one: he NEVER before bought Christmas presents for his sisters, he was a Christmas card only kind of guy. Red flag two: he knew specifically which brand of perfume items he wanted to buy. I asked him, really? BOTH sisters wanted THE SAME fragrance? Red flag three: he had all of the items gift wrapped TOGETHER, even though the sisters lived in different states!

Of course, it turned out they were for OW.

But wait, there's more! For MY Christmas gift I received an obviously used (it was dirty!) gold and sapphire pendant. Where did it come from? He BOUGHT it from OW to give to me! And why did she want to sell it? Because she needed money for drugs and a new tattoo!

Posts: 305 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: California Central Coast
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, July 29th (Monday)

Oh my word, this thread is making me sick to my stomach!!

Ok, here's mine. While we were S and I was giving him time to "get his shit together" (didn't realize there was an OW at the time)... I went back and cleaned the entire house, did all the laundry, kept the boys for almost 3X longer than I should have-he stayed at her apt while I did all of that.

This thread just gives me even more resolve to file today.
How can someone who says they love you do these things?
I will never understand.

I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, July 29th (Monday)

Me, too. My husband is my law partner. He took on a big research project right at the start of his affair, and was soooo busy that he needed help getting it done (read he was too busy chatting up AP to get any work done...) and he asked for my help. I nearly did help but ended up being too busy myself, so we hired help for him. But I would have helped him. How does a WS have the nerve to ask a BS to free up time so he can spend more time with his AP? Sickening!

Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1495 | Registered: Nov 2010
Member # 26854
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, July 29th (Monday)

Invited her to our shore house then tried talking him in to taking a ride with her because she wanted a break from the kids. I offered to watch them. Dumb ass!

DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1461 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, July 29th (Monday)

My H is king of procrastination. He is an avid waterfowler, so he gets up at 3am a lot from the end of October through January to go hunting. We call it O'duck thirty. I on more than one occasion helped him gather his gear, and made sure he had a thermos of Hot Coffee to hunting, only to find out he was breaking NC to be with Ms. Homewrecker.

I was sick when I made this realization. I told him he would have to get his own shit together from now through the fourth of ever.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8707 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, July 29th (Monday)

Add me to the list of back-shavers!

Because more than 6 months passed between the last incident of infidelity and my D-Day, I can't be SURE of OW3's connection to the following story, but my gut tells me I'm right:

I encouraged my WH to go out with his friend(s) in summer of 2012. Of course for all my leniency and trust I was rewarded with 3 OW in summer 2012 One weekend in July 2012, WH was rushing around getting ready, button-down, cologne, back shaved, the works. He was texting with someone; I trusted him so much that I never even asked him who. This person (OW #3, I am now certain) decided they would go to a new bar. WH asked me to find the bar's phone number and get the dress code and I did. So that neither he nor OW3 had to go out of their way.

Now I'm mad. Ugh.

(OW1 and OW3 didn't know I exist so I guess I can't blame OW3 for this; she probably thought WH was getting the info. )


Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, July 29th (Monday)

There must be lots of men with back hair, because I shaved WH's back -and ears - so he would be fresh and neat for OW. Also made sure to time dinner so it would be ready when he got home late. Bjob from OW, then home-cooked meal from clueless, idiot wife. Ahhhh, that's the life.

Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA

Posts: 197 | Registered: Jul 2013
New Member
Member # 40001
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, July 29th (Monday)

I think I may tie you. CS had me go to the mall and help her pick out sexy dresses and clothing so she could show everyone at her high school reunion her killer body and how young she still looked. I didn't mind and didn't think anything about it. She also had me riding my bike next to her while running as she wanted to get in the best shape of her life for the 25th reunion. I wasn't at the reunion as it was in another state and I had work. Turns out the sexy clothes and killer body was for him. Sucker yes!

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Colorado
New Member
Member # 40001
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, July 29th (Monday)

I think I may tie you. CS had me go to the mall and help her pick out sexy dresses and clothing so she could show everyone at her high school reunion her killer body and how young she still looked. I didn't mind and didn't think anything about it. She also had me riding my bike next to her while running as she wanted to get in the best shape of her life for the 25th reunion. I wasn't at the reunion as it was in another state and I had work. Turns out the sexy clothes and killer body was for him. Sucker yes!

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Colorado
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, July 29th (Monday)

WW never minds me spending time riding my bike, so when she asked to spend time with her "friend" how could I say no.

I recall one time in particular they spend the day jeeping/geocashing. I kissed her goodbye while they drove away - and fucked in that jeep!

Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 675 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, July 29th (Monday)

Many of you all have me beat for sure. Happy (and not) to see so many of us back shavers out there!

Sometimes I'm convinced that asking for favors of your BS that are above and beyond,(and that benefit you and the OP) goes beyond the deceit already taking place.

It almost feels like a deliberate "screw you BS"


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Member # 25898
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, July 29th (Monday)

This thread is a true representation of why it sucks to be a part of this club than none of us wanted to join!

My FWH would tell me how stressed he was over the out of town job - so I took on more and more of the work, handled the difficult customer, worked 12+ hours a day 6-7 days a week, plus took care of everything at home, when he came home I tried to make sure he relaxed and had a good time - little did I know the real stress was the OW - how his casual sex partner was saying she was so in love and he didn't want to hurt her feelings!!!

Me - 60
WH - 67
Married 35 years
DDay - 5/14/09
He's reconciled, I'm in limbo.
"Stuck in the middle with you"

Posts: 159 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Rocky Mountains
New Member
Member # 40099
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, July 29th (Monday)

My husband met the OW in the park on his lunch break to fool around physically for the first time. That afternoon we had our first family photos made with our 3 month old. Every time I look at those photos I spent hundreds on I get sick!

One day at a time.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Georgia
Member # 39830
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, July 29th (Monday)

You'll love this one.

I was sick with a terrible chest cough and a fever. Wife had a night out scheduled with a much older "safe" friend. I thought he was safe anyway.

She asked, "Do you want me to stay home?" I said, "No. You go. I'll be okay." I did that because her nights out seemed to make her happy, and I am the supportive spouse. I stayed home because I was sick and someone had to take care of our two little kids.

You know the rest.

[This message edited by ArableSands at 3:26 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vancouver, Canada
Member # 36051
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, July 29th (Monday)

I am sad when I think about it. I helped pick out Christmas gifts for our babysitter. So thoughtful of me. I thought she was so good to our kids and splurged on some nice ones for her. Almost bought her a coach bag too. Stupid me.
Also conveniently took kids away to our condo. Giving them free time together. Let him take her to nba games instead of whole family because he couldn't take all three kids to bathroom alone and needed a girl to take our daughter.

Posts: 102 | Registered: Jul 2012
New Member
Member # 39406
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, July 29th (Monday)

I'm super-dumb, so I have a few!

#1: A friend (who was supposedly a virgin) and I were talking, and he ended up asking me for advice on how to initiate sex with a lady. The lady, was, of course, my wife (oh, irony... you silly little devil). I hope I gave good advice!

#2: My wife was down the the dumps. She felt unattractive and whatnot, so we spent some time and $$ getting her made up and bought some new clothes. We went out frequently and I told her how hot and awesome she was. I didn't know until later is that she was down because OM2 just left her because he felt guilty, and not long after our esteem-building exercise, she was confident enough to approach OM3.

#3: WH and I used to go to sci-fi/fantasy conventions together. He was an artist and had a gaggle of people who idolized him. He gave me permission to avoid going to his late night "art jams" because I thought his artist friends were annoying.

I went down to the conference room to dominate some dudes at Street Fighter. When a mutual friend brought up how he wouldn't be cool with his SO hanging out with art groupies, I bragged about how much I trusted him around all those adoring girls, because he "just isn't like that".

Drugs and convention hookups ahoy!

I clearly remember seeing him the next day and mentioning how awesome our relationship was because I don't need to look over his shoulder 24/7. I also won quite a few games, and I can only hope that the victory screens popped up right when he was getting down to business with some con slut. He must've thought I was pretty fucking stupid.

Goddamn I hate those fucking people.

[This message edited by DecadeCentrifuge at 3:54 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

Me: BH - Happily Remarried, but dealing with old stuff

“I'm losing my mind in a bedroom with a ghost
and I'm losing my mind in a bottle while I choke
I stayed years with you, no one knows (but I want them to).”
– Thought Industry

Posts: 44 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 34484
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, July 29th (Monday)

The photos he used on different dating sites where some of the best of him that I've taken. But, the more obvious are me buying him "modern" underwear that he requested, that her wore for his "dates" and giving him cash for a new baby gift that a co-worker had, which was really to pay for a sleazy motel.

[This message edited by Issaquah at 4:50 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

BS - Me, 41 SAHM back in grad school
WS - Husband, 43 SA dx in March 2013
T-20, M-18 college sweethearts
Multiple DDays since 1999 - OW's all the way back to engagement
Most recent DDay 8-12,false R 1/13
DD-11, DS 13 with ASD

Posts: 779 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Virginia
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, July 29th (Monday)

My ex husband brought me some cheap 7-11 roses one evening. He never gave flowers, so I was touched and placed those cheap pieces of crap on our dresser. I later find out they were from her to him.


[This message edited by TrulySad at 5:45 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.

Posts: 455 | Registered: Jun 2013
New Member
Member # 40001
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, July 29th (Monday)

Wow its amazing how insensitive they can be. My wife ended up wearing one of the sexy outfits about a month after the end of the A to an business social that i met her at. She was clueless as to how insensitive it was and what it would do to my imagination. I had her go home that night and throw it all out and all she could keep saying is what a waste of money it was.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Colorado
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, July 29th (Monday)

About a week and a half before Dday, we went out on a date to a local pizza place/microbrewery at her suggestion. She said some guy she worked with had suggested it.

I was taking her out for dates a few times a week at this point because something was wrong between the two of us and I had no fucking idea what it was. On this particular date, she wore an extremely revealing dress. We had been together for a little over ten years at that point and she had NEVER worn anything like that out in public. It made me feel really uncomfortable but I didn't feel like it was my place to tell her how to dress so away we went.

She was really fidgety at the restaurant and I was uncomfortable with the amount of my wife that the rest of the patrons could see. Still, the conversation seemed good and everything seemed to go pretty smoothly. I was really surprised when we were done eating and she looked at me and said "can you take me home now" with an angry look on her face.

After Dday, I found out that her new dad liked to hang out at this place. Apparently they had just started talking and decided that they had a special, unique, unicorns shitting giant piles of glitter sort of connection and she was hoping to see him there. He wasn't, she was disappointed and she treated me like shit for the rest of the day. Should have been a dead giveaway. I had no. fucking. idea. Oh well.

It's been a year to the day since Dday and I've been stewing on it all day. Reading this thread was helpful and posting on it was really cathartic. I need a reminder every once in a while of the fact that the person I married and divorced was a cruel, disordered asshole and I'm better off without her.

[This message edited by h0peless at 6:05 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

Posts: 1733 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, July 29th (Monday)

It's sad how we were all taken advantage Issaquah, my wife used a special photo I took of her on her dating site. I don't blame her, she looked great in it. I'd want to hook up with that woman, kinda proved it by marrying her. I gave her the Victoria Secrets gift card for Christmas that year, with a lot of money on it, and all that lingerie had to be thrown away because she wore it with her AP. I'm pretty sure he was who she was thinking of when she bought it. But it's also the little, everyday things that she took advantage of that shits me the most. The fact that I would commute 1 1/2 each way so she knew I wouldn't be home all day gave her the time to have her affairs with no chance of being caught. Giving her gas money and keeping her car running so she could go see her AP. Every day I supported her...and she used everything that I did for her against me. Our house, phone, cell phone, computers, you name it. Everything provided out of love became a weapon of infidelity. It's sucks being a sucker...

Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4003 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, July 29th (Monday)

The sucker is not you – it is the one who took for granted and abused the most precious gift anyone can give – yourself. The WS is the sucker.

Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1131 | Registered: Jul 2011
solus sto
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, July 29th (Monday)

Oh, my list is sooooo long. Sending him off on "interviews," and encouraging him in his job hunt, when "job interview" had become synonymous with "hook-ups." (And yes, he was unemployed.)

Worrying about his precarious health enough to accept that, the night prior to an early speaking engagement in the city he worked in---you know, the nearby city to which he communed daily for years---he really needed to stay in a hotel. Because, after all, his illness made it too hard for him to get moving quickly, so early in the morning. (His OW flew in for a reunion several days early, and spent the night with him.)

Then, there was the dozen or so years when he was too sick for sex --- of any form. Unlike other disabled husbands, he never was interested in me or my needs---he just "couldn't" have sex. (He would argue now that, having once mentioned a morning erection, he rescinded his ban on sex---but that failed to make an impression on me and, at any rate, he never acted on any sexual impulse with me, other than to blame me for the lack of sex in our marriage; really, he is disabled, but mostly he didn't want it. With me.) His "illness" was really quite different. Yes, he has serious heart disease; it presents challenges. He found it easier to meet those challenges with strangers or near-strangers; since he can't take Viagra, danger was the next best thing. (I still kind of wish he'd died on top of one of them....and still do not rule out the possibility because his penchant for stranger danger persists. But having my sex life unceremoniously ended on false pretenses at age 38 can make a woman kind of bitchy.)

Oh, I could go on....but I win Sucker of the Double Decades, hands-down.

[This message edited by solus sto at 6:44 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8841 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, July 29th (Monday)

During the months before Dday, WH was on a diet, & I went to a lot of trouble shoppping for his special groceries and cooking him special meals ( different from what the kids & I ate). He lost a lot of weight, & I kept wondering where he was getting his motivation from. Little did I know that he & OW, who sat next to him at work, were getting closer & closer.
Apparently, every morning when he got to work, he would complain about me. (He was never home during that time, leaving me to take care of our 4 kids & the house, while working outside the home myself, so I was angry a lot---so, I guess he was telling her that I was a bitch.)

together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, July 29th (Monday)

WH started a new business and OW worked next door. I thought he was working all those extra hours building up the business. Little did I know that he was cavorting with his new "friend" while I was working, taking care of the house and raising the kids.

Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 40113
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, July 29th (Monday)

About 6 months before DDay#1, was my birthday. My WW has her own business so often "works late". She called me up early in evening on my birthday to tell me that she still had lots of work piled up and needed to get as much done before coming home. Being a clueless idiot at that time, I didn't make any fuss at all and agreed that we would do something very special the following weekend to celebrate. After DDay#1, I now have access to some of her credit accounts and did a thorough search of transactions and found out that on my birthday she checked into a local hotel and gave OM the birthday sex (unprotected by the way) that belonged to me; and when she came home agreed to have a quickie with me before going to sleep. She had the audacity to tell me that she was extra horny for me and that the "more than usual" vaginal lubrication (which was opaque & gelatinous) was just her "overproduction" of her normal vaginal fluids from being "extra" excited for me. Never before had her vaginal fluids ever looked anything like this stuff. Like an idiot I allowed my self to believe her explanation as a plausible one.

Not only did she F$$$ the OM on my birthday, she had the audacity to get his spunk all over me. To this day, she denies it ever happened. Seriously??!!!! what kind of sick b@@@# does something like that?

Me: 48
WW: 39
DDay #1 October 3, 2012
DDay #2 January 19, 2013
DDay #3 March 17, 2013
Still hoping to salvage the marriage but thinking that I am just a complete idiotic hopeless romantic that believes "love" will win out in the end.

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New York City
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Christmas Day, I stayed home, cooking Christmas dinner and keeping the turkey warm while he was at an "office party." He got an expensive chess set as a "door prize." To this day, he has never admitted he was with OW instead of his family on Christmas. Even though no one at that office claims to know anything about there having been a party there on Christmas. WH had stated it was an annual tradition and he was honored to be invited invited, at the last minute, that Christmas Eve. The same Christmas Eve he spent $2,000 on jewelry for her. He only admitted to the jewelry because I had proof.

I used to love Christmas. The following Christmas, I made the whole family spend the day flying across the country so to spent the holiday in Williamsburg VA, where they do all the decorating, because I couldn't stand the thought of putting up a tree and cooking another Christmas dinner.

The next Christmas, I spent a lot on new decorations and on presents for the kids, trying to take Christmas back and make a good Christmas for the kids.

I still feel like kicking WH when I think about Christmas. It's been a hard couple of years. Him getting sober hasn't changed the fact that he will never tell the truth about the past.

Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1536 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

I bought him Laker tickets for him and his buddies. He took his eff buddy and her friends to the games.

Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Member # 21966
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

I was working on a project out of state and had to drive there once a week for a 16 hour work day for about a month. XWH offered to deposit my travel reimbursement expense check for me, out of the ordinary. Asked me for it more than once actually. When I discovered the A a month later and did some research, it turns out not only was he was driving to see her on the days I was traveling (electronic toll account) after he cashed my check instead of depositing it, he promptly wired OW the cash.

Posts: 1039 | Registered: Dec 2008
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

I finally got a decent job in my field after almost a year of unemployment. We had gotten used to one income, so as soon as my first check landed in the account mr triple broke a land speed record to get a new iPhone 5. He carried a work phone so why another one? I asked. Blah blah lie blah lie. I say Do you have a girlfriend? No, says Mr triple, I have two!!! Lol so clever. He really had between 30-40, that I know of. So yes my first paycheck funded his new smartphone and two year contract, or as I call it, a two year trigger. And also a year of AFF dues.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller

Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 54