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Reconciliation
User Topic: Feeling really good
wert
Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, July 29th (Monday)

A year and a half (or so) and I am feeling really good. I was on a little zen walk today at lunch, thinking about nothing, and it dawned on me why.

She is earning her way back. Now there are two parts to that.

Her part - She has been continuing IC and talking to me about her struggles (I must admit at times I want her to just fetch me a beer and turn the TV up so I can watch whatever World Cup qualifier I am watching - but alas listening is important I know this). She doesn't fall all over herself to make me comfortable but I don't want her to. I just want her to be a fucking adult and talk to me when the shit jumps off so to speak. She is doing that.

My part - I need to believe her. Her doing her work is important in that equation, but mine is more important to me because it what I can control. As she earns her way back I am feeling much more comfortable extending empathy, sharing the insights that I have learned through this without anger and well love.

While I liked anger A LOT, its not a great place live very long. Peace, understanding and empathy are more my speed. Boy am I glad she stopped being a complete asshat.

For all who are relatively new to the R thing, IMO rage away, test them and make them crawl. If they don't stick around -screw 'em. Find the next truck driver. That said, if it has been a while and your WS is working with you and you are still struggling take an honest look at why? Is it them or you? What's holding you back?

Take care....



Posts: 1428 | Registered: Jan 2012
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, July 29th (Monday)

Like.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
ArableSands
Member
Member # 39830
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, July 29th (Monday)

Perhaps I've done a stupid thing then. I've committed to R and our MC has asked me to refrain from talking about divorce as an option. This has hobbled my rage.

For sure my wife has the upper hand now. And she did the cheating.


Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vancouver, Canada
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, July 29th (Monday)

all your MC asked was that you refrain from talking about it. doesn't mean it's still not an option.

she only has the upper hand if you let her.

don't.

strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2995 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, July 29th (Monday)

Great post wert! Very good points you make here. Glad you are in a good spot.

Posts: 7555 | Registered: Dec 2010
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, July 29th (Monday)

You aren't joking about finding it easy to stay comfortable in the anger stage.
In the long run you have to figure out if it is serving a purpose. I am glad both HL and I both figured that out together.
Great post.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5077 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, July 29th (Monday)


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2635 | Registered: Aug 2012
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

haha, I don't think I've ever typed the eff word so many times in my life during those rage months...

Yeah, I'm learning to say "what the fuck am I going to do?? I wasn't the broken one" That's my new attitude.

Glad you're doing better, man. :)

I like the Peterbuilts.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Topic Posts: 8