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Reconciliation
User Topic: any advice about how to get the most out of IC?
reallysad2012
Member
Member # 37658
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, July 29th (Monday)

I have been trying IC and not sure what I was expecting but not feeling like it is helping much. Had 5 sessions with first IC then stopped because it was going nowhere. New IC seems better, but tomorrow is only 3rd visit.

Should I be showing up with questions to talk about? Should I be expecting the IC to guide the way?

She does have me working on goals for my future, which I think will be helpful. But I want specific help with the present, too.


me BS
him WH
his A was in 2001, DDay confession 9/5/2012

Posts: 99 | Registered: Nov 2012
sri624
Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 1:12 AM, July 30th (Tuesday)

i used to feel like this when i first stated to see my ic...whom i now have come to really like....and look forward to my weekly session.

before i see her, i always have an agenda in my mind on what i want to discuss with her. and then she guides the discussion. this is after i was seeing her for a while. when we first started, i told her that i needed help in dealing with my h cheating. i told her pointblank that i needed some help healing and dealing with the overwhelming pain in a constructive manner.

she took it from there...but i was specific. telling her that up front led to me "telling her what happend." and pouring out all of my pain and sorrow....there was a huge box on kleenex right there.

and once i got it all out....with her really encouraging me to talk about that pain....she then wanted to learn more about me and my background. and i decided to be completely honest....and not sugar coat anything. i have found that to really help me.

with me being honest about my deep pain....telling her the play by play of the affair and how it all transpired...and then telling her my background...she helped me see that i had a lot of self esteem issues....that i didnt understand my value and my worth....that i was pretty much a doormat...and allowed myself to be disrespected based on foo issues.

from there....i learned how to get my self respect and self esteem back...and be strong.

that is what worked for me.......complete honesty, telling her everyting about the affair...all my pain...and telling her the truth about my family and past relationships.

a good therapist will lead the way.

hope this helps.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
Attempting R in bi

Posts: 934 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:07 AM, July 30th (Tuesday)

I always like feeling like I have homework to do.

For me, a good IC pushes me a little bit outside my comfort zone. When I feel like running from something I know that the therapy is working.

I'm glad you're thinking along these lines.. you really do have to shop around for a good counselor sometimes.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 2:07 AM, July 30th (Tuesday)]


It is better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. -Russian Proverb

Posts: 17082 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
atsenaotie
Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Should I be showing up with questions to talk about? Should I be expecting the IC to guide the way?

I did/do prep questions or topics prior to each session. Sometimes the questions would be as simple as "I read about x, y, z related to my issue, does that apply here?" Other times they were more along the line of "$%^&@# #%#$#$ #$$%#$ WW" and I just wanted him to work with me as I would vent venom.

In another thread you posted:

...with all the things fWH is doing to help me, why can't I just feel better???

This may be a good jumping off point for your new IC.

It is good you realized your former IC was not working for you. There are many different styles of IC, and many different types of clients.


FBS 54
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4118 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Topic Posts: 4