I haven't been here for a long time. In fact I think the last time I was here was around Christmas when I posted about wanting it to be over, and he read that, and decided to tell me he read that on NYE.
Well the last 7 months have been difficult. He said he would do all he could to keep us together, we could start over, go back to counselling, he'd address his lying etc etc.
Well none of it ever materialised, we just became two people co-existing. It was ok most of the time but not manageable long term.
Anyway it all came to a head when he didn't turn up for Fathers day tea that me and the kids were cooking, he went out drinking. Next day he left for work and didn't come home that night. I was distraught, worried sick. He turned up again at 2pm the next day, suprised that I was off work. After that he did a week of nights, we sat down and talked the following saturday and the wheels were set in motion for him to move out. He left the next day to go to his brothers but I don't know how much time he actually spent there.
Anyway to present time, he had the kids for the first time overnight at his new place last wednesday. Eldest complains the next day that he had to share with his sister because 'Steve' slept in daddys bed with daddy. A little bit more probing later and it all starts to fall into place. I had never considered it before but all the stuff that has been going on started to suddenly make sense. He looks at me differently, acts differently, I knew something wasn't right.
And now I get it. He has met someone else and that person is a man. There are two problems with what happened when my kids stayed, firstly I don't know this man and neither do the kids, I only know of him. And secondly for my child to see daddy in bed with a man.......not acceptable.
I confronted, he denied. I was very clear and calm about how unacceptable his behaviour had been, aside from the gay thing, and how he had put our kids at risk.
I am lost. I am 99.9% sure I am right on this one and he is in a relationship with this man. I feel sick to my stomach, can't eat, can't sleep. I know I would struggle if it was another woman but this is so much worse. My kids are accustomed to same sex couples as my brother in law (his brother) is gay.
But he's not their daddy, he doesn't pretend he loves mummy, he didn't create them, wasn't there when they were born, and they don't see him in bed with his boyfriend.
I thought the affair was bad, but this is something totally different. It is the ultimate selfish act that has far reaching consequences for all involved. My mother in law will be devastated, I am barely holding it together and good knows what affect this will have on the children.
I don't expect him to live a lie, it seems I am the lie after all.
But it is not happening around my children. Not while they are to young too understand the complexities of adult relationships. Not when they could be bullied at school. Not when it could affect them so badly for the rest of their lives.
This is my life and the only reason I am not suicidal or admitting myself to hospital right now is because I wouldn't leave my children with him, not now not ever.
Any advice, support, guidance, experience will be greatly receivedMe - BW 31
Him - fWH 31
M 4yrs Together 8yrs
Kids (2) 6yrs and 3yrs
D-day #1 21.4.11
D-day #2 23.06.11 (whole truth apparently)
OW 26yrs from his work,M no kids, EA/PA started March 11
I am married to a compulsive liar