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User Topic: I suppose I wasn't clear enough.....
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

"Cheat on me again and I will divorce you." <-- said 3 years ago.

And guess what?
He did.
I didn't file immediately. My mistake.
Reason is because it was complete validation of everything that I had been saying to him. Boiler-plate, really, so I figured that he'd be able to finally *see* it.
I filed a month later because he was continuing to play his fucked up games with me. Lying and controlling the flow of information.
When he refused to order his text records and told me that I *made* him cheat.....I filed.
Since that time, he's *had* at least 2 OW's (that I know of) and countless *back-pocket* females.

He spent at least the first 3 weeks of this month insulting the fuck out of me 6 ways to Sunday. Of course I haven't been great about not engaging (PMS & my last 1st anti- had me kinda off-balance). But we also are still very much entwined business-wise, financially, and kid-wise....so he has plenty of opportunity to make his disrespect obvious to me. I send a necessary text to ask about some money that he has spent that is business related-----I get 15 texts of fucking bullshit. And I mean totally *out there* shit. Sometimes I actually get an answer, sometimes I don't.

And now he's back to telling me that he doesn't want a divorce and saying that he would be different and would value me and wants a monogamous relationship with me.

What a total mind-fuck it is to deal with a person like this. A complete and utter mind-fuck.

There is NO compromising, reasoning, or relationship to be had with a person that changes reality to fit their fucked-up perceptions. And I don't mean a person that just mis-interprets or re-writes reality.

This guy deletes and shreds anything tangible because he can't handle seeing what is *real*.
He adamantly insists that real-life things that DID happen didn't, and that things that DIDN'T happen did. And he honestly and truly believes that *his* recollection is correct. Whenever I showed him a black & white direct contradiction.....he freaked.

Having to deal with a person like this is just fucking exhausting.

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 8:02 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8073 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

I just wanted to say you've been heard. (((Gonnabe)))


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2760 | Registered: Oct 2012
jjsr
Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

I hope you can get away from him asap.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Yeah, this is a run-don't-walk thing.

I'm so sorry, gonnabe. You've worked so hard... at least you know that you are strong and brave and can handle ANYTHING.

(((gonnabe2016)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17764 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Yeah, this is a run-don't-walk thing.

I'm so sorry, gonnabe. You've worked so hard... at least you know that you are strong and brave and can handle ANYTHING.

(((gonnabe2016)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17764 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Hey Unagie
t/j at ya: I'm not ignoring your request for my dog pic. I have to wait for his hair to grow back out -- Sultan had gotten his hair all cut off w/o my knowledge.....and so you wouldn't have been able to see how much our dogs looked alike.
end t/j.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8073 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Big hugs

(((gonnabe)))

I hear you and been there. You deserve better. Be prepared for the mind games to continue during the divorce process.

You sound really good, though, like you know what you want and are going for it - good for you! That makes a huge difference.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
Getting to Happy
Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

((((Gonnabe2016))))


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Mousse242
Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

I hope you have copies of all those texts at your attorney's office.

Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Was just talking about this in counseling tonight.. People like this need to be cut out and removed from my life. I wanna surround myself with loving trusting people and have some fun.

But I'm still so intertwined with this narc fucker, kids, house, debt, assets, everything still to be resolved. I just want the least amount of contact possible and tell him to FUCK OFF!!!!!!

Hugs and strength to you girl.. It's really not fair we have to keep eating these shit sandwiches.. I don't know how we accept it and move on to more positive things, but I'm trying to figure it out. Hope you do too..

FUCK THAT MANIPULATING FUCKHEAD!!


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ Stolen from asurvivor

Posts: 2298 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Gr8Lady
Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

I hear ya......dealing with Mr. Exhaustion is like trying to nail jello to the wall!


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 618 | Registered: Jul 2012
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

(((Gonna)))

Please be safe...I wish I was close to you, I'd come pick you up and bring you home with us.

You're strong and smart...you will get through this!


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198217 | Registered: May 2002
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

I know this shit has to end at some point and I only wish that he would just shoot the fucking horse and stop siphoning water down its throat because he believes in his fucked up head the horse can recover because *other* horses have recovered from an injury and run another day. Completely ignoring the fact that the horses that recovered didn't have 4 busted legs that HE broke into 5 million different pieces and that if the horse just *wanted it* enough....he'd be able to recover just fine. Not.Gonna.Happen.

It's torture.

The horse WANTS to die. Pull.The.Plug. Shoot it.

@Mousse---my L *gets* what I'm dealing with.

Part of what prompted me to finally dump this crap here is that I saw today that a bunch of texts that were on my old phone weren't there anymore. Apparently at some point when he was at the house looking at *his* books, he deleted shit off of my old phone. And this is 5 months after realizing that some other black/white copies of shit that I had here at the house had *disappeared*. Stupid reality-manipulator.....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8073 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Grace and Flowers
Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Oh, gonnabe....same shit, different day, huh? I'm so sorry. You are so strong...I know you'll get through it....but major bummer on the muck you have to walk through.

(((((gonnabe)))))

And, oh yeah, FTG!!!!


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1174 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Oh, (((gonna))).

I hope you get this all settled soon.

While you wait, trek on down to the NPD thread in I Can Relate. The kind folks there know EXACTLY what you're facing and what you're likely to face in the future with him.

You know, he wears ME out with his effing bullshit and I don't even have to deal with him!


Posts: 11742 | Registered: Mar 2008
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

People like this need to be cut out and removed from my life.

Sad, isn't it?
Last fall I found a CSAT for Sultan. Gave him her #. And, lucky me (really), she has a counselor that works with spouses. I have been seeing here since....oh, last October, I think. I think that he started working with the CSAT in late November or so. (he stopped seeing her a while ago) We had both signed releases so that the 2 therapists could work together and talk about our individual sessions.

I never talked about this while it was happening because I knew what you all would say. And, of course, you all would have been (and were) right. Anyway.

Mid-December Sultan is in "*you're* my everything" mode. And I had my CSAT therapist that I was working closely with and we came up with some guidelines. My boundaries, I guess you could call them.

We WOULD be getting a divorce. (because he had fucked everything up so much by that point in time that there was NO other option). BUT IF he were to do a complete 180......passwords, complete transparency, yadayada.....maybe there could possibly be a future relationship of some sort.

My IC was on board and wholeheartedly said YES. However, when I laid that shit out.....he ran it by HIS therapist (MY therapist's partner) and she said nope. Which just fueled HIS fire and gave him a reason to tell me that I was being out of line and unreasonable. So I called my therapist (outside of her hours) and said "WTF. You tanked me because we talked about this shit, you were on board, and now I'm finding out that you guys are saying NO???? You fucked me." I was pissed and I felt betrayed by my own freaking counselor. I was following HER advice and running it all through her.

Well apparently, she and his CSAT had spoken and his CSAT had told my IC that the plan would never work. Because of how his mind works and that I had to go NC with him because ANY contact with him was pretty much just *feeding the beast*. That he saw any type of engagement from me as a *positive*....no matter what I was saying. (the 'ego kibbles' that SI people talk about).

And it all boils down to how he changes *reality* to meet his perception INSTEAD OF changing HIS perception in relation to the reality.

And the guy is just crazy-fucked-up. As I said in my OP, I was very clear on my boundary about cheating. He broke it. I didn't file immediately. A week after I filed, he broke NC with that new OW. He said the reason that he did it was to make me *jealous* and act like I loved him again. ?????? UMMMMM....*hello* mr.-marriage-long-serial-cheater-whose-wife-is-gonna-divorce-him-because-of-his-cheating.* Thinking that you're going to make your BW *jealous* is probably a pretty fucking stupid thing to do.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8073 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

@TIKYa---it's a classic case of Hoovering. But some of the shit he's said to me in the past few months would just blow your mind because it is just utter nonsense.

That's the main reason that I haven't been posting much lately.....because I just don't have much positive support to offer to people that are really wanting to *save* their marriage when their WS is still being a freaking asswipe. I have developed such a *fuck off jerkwad* attitude towards people that act like douche's, that I've decided to go *silent*.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8073 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

I remember the crap he was trying to pull in December and I remember telling you to watch his actions. Yep, it was a hoover!

I think you have tremendous value here because a lot of people are dealing with spouses like yours. SI is very R-friendly, but there are so many people who have no choice but D and they really could use the support and knowing they're not alone.

I know nobody wants to hear it early-on in the process. Hell, most people don't EVER want to hear it because this was NOT what they signed-up for, but knowing there is someone else 'out there' who understands is priceless. Please keep posting, no matter what Sultan is doing.


Posts: 11742 | Registered: Mar 2008
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

really? got to control the dog to?

damn, Sorry.

I admire you for your strength. how are the kids doing?

strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2973 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

I think you have tremendous value here because a lot of people are dealing with spouses like yours.

I know. I've read quite a few posts lately that are SultanRedux....and I haven't responded because my response would be: "run, forrest, fucking run. Your WS is *fucked up*"....and the OP's response would be a bunch of *but's*....and my patience right now is just too razor thin. Right now I'm having trouble keeping my *own* situation separate. It's that fine line of projecting your own crap, kwim?

Of course it doesn't help that I have *his* voice in my head.....totally denigrating SI as a negative place. Which just leads to another really super sore spot. He has always acknowledged that I am *smart*. But the fucker NEVER listens to me. How the fuck can he say that I am smart if he's going to always tell me that I'm wrong???

Which just sucks me in every.single.time.
He recently said: "your books don't have the answers. There is a contradiction for everything. You act so smart and your marriage failed."

I had absolutely no idea what freaking *books* he was talking about, but he pushed the exact right buttons that made me respond with this: "My marriage failed because my husband is a lying, serial cheating douchebag." (Until this point in time, I don't believe that I have EVER called him the d-word.)

Which of course just invited a SI-bash party because the first person that responded to his very first SI post called him a douchebag. Yes, he still holds a grudge because he didn't receive kudos for sticking around and *eating Gonna's shit*. (even after Gonna told the dude NOT to post WITHOUT a stop sign....*shrug*).

He says that allowing myself to constantly abuse him is why we didn't *fix* it......conveniently forgetting that his continuing lies and cheating played a big f'n part in why our marriage wasn't able to be *fixed*.

And then he goes on to be so totally remorseful and understanding and bashing on SI by saying: "Name calling is acceptable in your little subculture (because apparently calling a liar is a liar is completely anathema). Degrading and making fun of others is encouraged there and you are like a captain among these idiot strangers."

His disrespect (and the way that I ignored it and made excuses for it for so many years) really makes me feel sick.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8073 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Please don't be silent. People dealing with NPD and/or SA need to hear your voice. You know I was drowned out of the SA Spouses forum because they didn't want to hear my voice. Same for another former member there. I moved my voice to D/S and stayed there. Maybe you can make a different in the SASpouses group.

Or not.

At the very least you can be another voice in the chorus in D/S. People there understand NPD and SA more than you may think.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9812 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SuperDuperWonderboy
Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Shit Gonna. Not sure what to say except I hear ya, and that shit is fucked up.

But despite what Sultan says. Through SI, you have made an impact on JNRPA and my life, as well as numerous others on here. So many of us here would gladly call you captain !!! F.T.G.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1296 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Gonna just want to say your posts have really helped me. Your voice on SI has helped me open my eyes and see what I needed to see. My WH seems very similar to Sultan. I bet I'm one of those you want to yell "Run Forest Run " to

You are so strong. I admire the steps you have taken to get your life back. You deserve it!

In the meantime I hope you can find some peace.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

You know I was drowned out of the SA Spouses forum because they didn't want to hear my voice.

Yea, I saw that happen and I think that it was an unfortunate thing. I do believe that R with an SA is possible, but I also believe that it is not always a possibility. But other than the compulsitivity (made-up word, shoot me) of cheating...Sultan didn't display the other SA benchmarks--porn, etc. He even sent me a text that he supposedly received from a *well respected doctor that he met not too long ago (2 weeks to be exact) that said:
***There is no diagnostic criteria established for sex addiction. There are preliminary ideas and observations.*** I won't be posting in the SA thread because I honestly don't know what the fuck I'm dealing with.....he is a total nutjob.

And yet another t/j on my own thread....
WB. Dude. You post too many inane pictures to have an actual job! (although you are totally forgiven since one of those pix was of Grumpy Cat). 'member how I complained to high heaven about ConLaw? Ended up with an A-, even though I was sure I wrote a totally *C* (or worse) final. Go figure. Didn't talk to the prof about it b/c I didn't want to make him second-guess himself.....but I gotta say that dealing with this school shit and Sultan at the same time sucks. It never fails...he starts *fucking* with me 2 or 3 weeks before my finals. I'm holding a pretty darn good GPA right now and it pisses me off because I know that it would most likely be about .9 points higher if I hadn't been dealing with all of his f'd up bullshit.....(which would get me *Big Law* if I wanted it....which I don't).


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8073 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

I bet I'm one of those you want to yell "Run Forest Run " to

Ummm.....no comment???
I've posted on your threads CBS, and I think that I've made my viewpoint on your situation pretty clear. But also....*you* do your life the way you feel it needs to be done. You're living it, hon. No one else can understand all of the nuances and concessions that need to happen to make it work....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8073 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

F.T.G. Gonna.

Keep on moving towards getting the crazy out of your life.

(((((((gonna)))))))


Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Just remember, when that douchbag fuckwad piece of trash that you had the misfortune to marry starts giving you the full court press of whatever?

That's a sign that he's struggling to maintain his rightness in his mind and the only way he knows how to drown out the truth lurking in his own head - which he is only capable of identifying as pain, not as truth - is to turn on you. So every time he's hammering or courting you??? The barrage is hard for you to deal with I know, but WOW it shows he is suffering. Ha ha stupid fucker!


[This message edited by cayc at 7:55 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)]


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3119 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Wow Gonna,
I am so sorry you have to deal with a wessel.

You know my story all to well and I completely understand dealing with someone out of reality. It is fustrating and makes you say " What the fuck is wrong with you, REALLY"?
I am learning to not even engage with the shit. I ingorn it and don't say anything futher and just think in my head "REALLY, Umm Okay"
That way I don't get hurt and we don't fight about some shit that will not change his perception on what is real because it is so exhausting.
I do know how you feel. I am just glad I am not living with my wh right now and have the space to clear my head from all the crazy making.
I love ya and glad your back posting!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2777 | Registered: Aug 2011
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

T/j
I look forward to those pics gonnabe. I love my puppy and I'm sure I'm going to fall in love with yours.

End t/j

As for your OP, you are so strong, don't fall for his crap and let him suck you back in. The man deserves nothing from you.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2760 | Registered: Oct 2012
HeartInADustpan
Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Ugh...truly a douche. Don't be silent. Not sure how many out there are like me, but I want/like blunt honesty and you provide 24/7.

Hang in there.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Well datum, I've missed your posting. I figured you might be busy with summer classes. I'm glad to see you back.

Check out the NPD thread, there are some people who have dealt with a sultan or few and are telling tales.

As crazy as he is- my money's on you. You've got this. It might not be with your usual style and grace, you will be sultan free at some point.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5254 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
HolyMoly
Member
Member # 36884
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Aw, Gonna, my situation with my WH is so similar, it is scary. I don't post much, mostly read, because I don't know how to put everything I am going through into words.

This, coming from a woman who has always been somewhat of a "talker".

When you post, I always feel that you understand. Thank you for that.


Posts: 134 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: California
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Hey girl,

You know it isn't about you. We have talked a lot about the craziness of dealing with a NPD person in our lives. I know you will get on and off that NC train, it's all good.

What totally sucks is that you have to be somewhat intertwined with this man due to kids, so complete NC is difficult. I have complete faith that you will navigate these waters to get to a point where you can brush him off someday as if he matters no more than a fly. And you will find happiness again. You are strong, this is making you stronger and you will help others along the way with your experience. You rock lady. Don't forget that.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5049 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
KBeguile
Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

I agree with my Better Half, gonna. I think you impressed the hell out of both of us at the St. Louis G2G, and I know we're both empowered by seeing your (sometimes brutally) honest take on things.

Keep it up. As Heart's father says, "This too shall pass."


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 801 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 1:56 AM, August 2nd (Friday)

So I had an appt with my IC yesterday.

I still regularly go against the SI anthem of NC. I am able to ignore the small jabs that he makes.....but the big ones earn him a 'go fuck yourself.' I no longer *explain* to him how a relationship should work...I speak my truth. You lie and cheat --> you get divorced; stop acting so surprised.

Anyway. I went to my appt with trepidation because it seems that posters that don't *do* NC have something wrong with them. That they are *getting* some unhealthy need met through the continued contact. So I asked my IC about that. I read her some of the recent exchanges and asked her if she thought that my responses were detrimental to me.

She told me that stbx is extremely skilled at hooking me and because there are still bona fide reasons that we have to be in contact...that I can just expect to get hooked. For now. That's the bad news.

The good news, though, is that Sultan used to able to 'hook' me, pull me onto the boat, slice me open, and rip out my guts......that doesn't happen anymore. I may bite on the hook....but now I'm the big fish that swallows the hook, fights like hell and ends up swimming off with the fishing pole.

Apparently it is a good thing that after being 'silenced' by him for all of these years....that I am speaking my truth. I am taking back reality. There are no more "yes dear, whatever you say. i'll figure out a way to make it work's" in me.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8073 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 35