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User Topic: need hugs, tmi warning
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

I handled it. With grace. As much grace as is possible under the circumstances...

I have two boys. They have two friends, boys of the same age.

I overheard a piece of conversation. One of the boys used a word that is probably used among middle school boys... *shudder.

I waited. This was a conversation I was willing to have with my boys, not a group of four. Later, in the car I asked if they knew what this word meant....

And that is beginning of the conversation where I got to explain how the innocent act of brewing tea became associated with a sexual act and why I didn't want to hear them or their friends use that word to describe what their video game character is doing to another character.

They are "enlightened." DS12 thinks my bravery is share worthy. He will undoubtedly tell someone via text what he had to "endure."

"THE TALK" is a big fat lie. I have had multiple versions of "the talk" at least a dozen times. I don't even stutter anymore.

I need wine.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5290 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
deeplysad
Member
Member # 16590
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

You did good!!

((((caregiver))))


Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.

It takes all kinds of kinds....Miranda Lambert


Posts: 3176 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: So Calif
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

((((hugs)))) You're SO right - it's "the talks" plural.

Well done, caregiver.


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22581 | Registered: Aug 2011
HFSSC
Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Oh Lord! I feel your pain.

I had a conversation with ds14 last week about the word "vulva". Because I have 2 boys, that's just not a word we've used all that much. (Okay, never ) He was reading one of those autocorrect sites and it had an autocorrect from Volvo to vulva. I'm pretty sure I would have traded that for teabagging.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2480 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

the innocent act of brewing tea became associated with a sexual act

I hate to admit it, but I have no idea what you are talking about.

Great job dealing with it. I wish all parents would do this with their kids.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4660 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Okay, never mind. Got it. (hey, I'm a morning person and it's my bedtime!)


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4660 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

damn, kernel. I got stuck on your first post while in my head I thought "do I REALLY have to do this AGAIN???"

pshew! Glad you caught up!


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5290 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Great job, caregiver.

Well I learned something new today. It's a good thing I'm not totally conscious when I drink my tea first thing in the morning or tomorrow would be awkward.




Posts: 30612 | Registered: Mar 2011
Grace and Flowers
Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Oh, cg, I hear ya! Two boys here (soon to be 20)! I sent them each to college with a giant box of condoms.

It's funny...one of mine we can talk about anything...and do. The other one blushes beet red any time any sexual discussion comes up. But he's a smart cookie...and I pretty much forced him to listen to several "talks" when younger.

But it is funny, the things that come up. When I first heard the term you're referring to, a few years ago, I had to look it up!


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1112 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

LOL to CG - I'm glad I didn't make you explain!!

For the record, I knew what teabagging was, just didn't get the reference from your phrase. Yep, Jeopardy fail. Just had to defend myself in case you thought I was living in a cave...


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4660 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

(((hugs)))

I don't know if girls are easier or if just my girl is easier. But then, I tell her that if she has sex then she will either get aids and die or she will get pregnant and have to live in the ghetto. Sorta kidding, but not really

I am trying to get the brew tea reference but I am just not. I even googled it and still I've got nothin. Maybe it will hit me at 3AM.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17272 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Maybe my tmi warning was not needed if my reference was that vague!!

And apologies to jo2love!


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5290 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

I'm clueless as to what it is, but here are some hugs anyway, (((caregiver))).

Posts: 10926 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

google teabagging (but not images, dear god, no)


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4660 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

PSA. for those who really should not google the term. I am scared of that.

If it is good enough for a 9 year old and a 12 year old, it ought to be clear.

I described how you make tea... SOME people think that the male testicles resemble teabags. (It helps to know that they already had the repeated crouching motion from the video game). If someone is naked and repeatedly crouches over the face of another... (add the "oh, God" and horrified giggle of adolescent boys)

I don't know if you are welcome or not!


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5290 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
jrc1963
Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

My son recently over heard something akin to this on Sex and the City... I didn't know he was in the room.

He got a weird look on his face and I had to launch into another "talk".

Note to self: don't watch Sex and the City when the boy is awake!

ETA: Good Job on your talk... and (((Hugs)))

[This message edited by jrc1963 at 9:45 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)]


Me: BSO - 45
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 23969 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Ironically enough, NOW I am blushing!!!!


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5290 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Ok I must be living in a cave. I had to look it up- learn something new everyday on SI.

CG you did we'll, and it is a series of talks... sometimes with too much info.

Did you let the other parents know? That is always my quandry-would they be receptive? Thankfully most were.

Passing the wine. Hugs also,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4002 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

I didn't. We were both in the room but she probably wasn't paying attention. I have those teacher ears. But the way her son said it and the lack of reaction from the other boys I KNEW they did not know what they were saying.

I could tell her. But me telling her would cause her to be embarrassed and she might handle it with less grace out of her own embarrassment. Her sons lived with an older stepbrother for a while and she has handled other terms, specifically some nasty words for women so she can handle it.

I am pretty sure the word will get out via my sons! I don't want to damage the communication lines by "tattling" on the friend.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5290 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
jrc1963
Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Well for those of you who don't watch Sex and the City - Samantha's solution to the problem was to "just breath thru your nose."


Me: BSO - 45
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 23969 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

And apologies to jo2love!

No worries. At least I learned something new today.




Posts: 30612 | Registered: Mar 2011
gma56
Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)


The joy of having teens !
I'm so glad I don't have do THAT again.

DD has an on going talks with GS13. He tells her if the her info isn't correct.

Gotta love them
You did good CG !!


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Oh, holy figs!!

ETA: I've become such a prude in my old age. How the heck did that happen??

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 10:45 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 10926 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Well, shoot. I had to look it up too. Google "slang teabagging" but for the love of God do NOT do an image search. I have to go bleach my eyes now.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4089 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

A few weeks ago,my 8 year old DD(she's almost 9) asked me how babies were made. I figured if she was old enough to ask the question,she was old enough to be told the truth.

So I did. In a very age appropriate way.

She got this horrified look on her face..and threw the covers over her head yelling, "Goodbye childhood!!"

Kids are great.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: R? I don't know..ask me tomorrow..it changes rapidly.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 6635 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Lucky2HaveMe
Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

When my dd was about the same age came in the house and announced that the neighbor girl had told her that in order to have a baby the mom & dad had to get NAKED!!! IS THAT TRUE!?!?!?!

When I confirmed, she said 'WELL THEN I'M NEVER HAVING KIDS!'

Good Girl

I, too, had to google teabagging and didn't get the brew tea reference... then again, I also had to google motorboating last summer...


~L2HM~
Every Storm Runs out of Rain ~ Gary Allen

Posts: 5468 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

ick

I think I could have gone my entire life without having to know that


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17272 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

I'm glad you can handle these discussions with aplomb, caregiver.

And where the hell have all of you been living all these years??


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19154 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
unfound
Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

((cg)))

You're right, the "talk" is never one conversation, but many over the years. There's always some new term or slang that is up and coming in addition to the "basics". The term at hand has been around a while...but believe me, there's things out there you wouldn't even imagine!. Just wait until YOU have to ask THEM what something means, or have to have them explain their stifled giggles when you mention something seeemingly innocent that is now slang for a body part, sex act et... .


ka-mai
*******************
Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone ...

Posts: 14747 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

thank you all for the hugs and the giggles. As a high school and middle school teacher, I get to stay current with most of the slang. And urban dictionary is a good safe picture free resource.

I have been known to cause giggles with my comments or blank look!!


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5290 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

"The talk" is starting here too...with a 10 year old dd...she kept referring to "mating". I've started to slowly enlighten her, mostly because she thought you got pregnant by swallowing the sperm.

I didn't tell her you could swallow, I just corrected that isn't how the baby is made, and told her the correct way. I'll get to oral later....


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 40, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, separated 3 years, together 17
Alis volat propriis "She flies with her own wings"
separated 1/2011

Posts: 3590 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

My kid got off the bus in elementary school and explained what a BJ was. I think she was in fourth grade. A kid was removed from the bus for asking another girl to give him one.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4002 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Nope...girls aren't easier!...just different.

I had to bring DD "lingerie" shopping this summer and I tell you, she did not want to do this part of growing up-"just give me the cell phone, mom!"

Now it's routine hassle to get her to wear what she needs to but it was time.

I went to great length to make it as pleasant as I could...dinner after, a new toy, too...sigh.

One hurdle past.


Ashland 13

The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge


Posts: 1965 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

My son has a friend since KG that has 3 older brothers, and by older I mean there is 16 years difference between him and the next one....My son learned many inappropriate words and phrases from him when they were younger.....Then I was the one that would have to explain it. Luckily I do not get embarrassed and have the attitude of knowledge is good in this arena.
He is now 16, and used a term a few weeks ago that I had to google, and I was amazed and shocked. I then said do you really know what that is, and he verbatim provided me with the definition from Urban Dictionary. He was then forbade to use it. At least in the presence of his parents and sibling.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6558 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

The 'teabagging' thing was mentioned on Real Housewives of OC last week.......


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCyL6pa_L4M


Posts: 7239 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

My son is in the army and they use every drill opportunity to drink and "teabag" the drunk guys. And that's just the mild stuff they do. Suffice it to say, cell phones are guarded carefully and people try not to pass out in a place where they can easily be undressed or moved.

Is it possible that one of these boys has an older sibling or parent who is in some type of "frat boy" (can't think of a better word that doesn't sound like generalizing...sorry) situation? Because if so, teabagging might not be the last inappropriate new word they learn...


Me: BS
Him: FWS
3 kids

DD#1: 3/18/2003
DD#2: 9/28/2010 with a follow up on 1/28/2011 where he decided to come clean about the EA actually being a PA.

The OW could have been anybody and both turned out to be nobody special.


Posts: 3774 | Registered: Sep 2005
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

I am not sure where the boy who said it picked it up. He did have an older step brother for several years.

When I questioned my kids DS12 "knew" the word from school. This doesn't surprise me at all. The middle school and high school kids share a bus. It is far from ideal. The bus is a hot bed of inappropriate conversations and actions. (ick, Kajem! that exactly! so sorry...)

I am quite sure there will be other inappropriate language conversations. In fact I had to define "douche" less that 24 hours ago.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5290 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

Had to look it up too... Looked up motor boating at the same time.

Am I that old?


FWW 40's, BH (knight) 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and a dog

Posts: 1061 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Griefstricken25
Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

Oh my!! Thank you for the "talk" here, instead of me having to google teabagging. I had no idea what that was and now?

And as a bonus, you just helped renew my anxiety about my sons' impending teenagehood.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2497 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
StrongerOne
Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, August 2nd (Friday)

Yeah, the talks! I had to discuss with my son whether he needed a cup for a sport he does because "mom, I keep whacking my tender bits." Thanks, hubs, for NOT taking care of the guy stuff.


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 788 | Registered: Sep 2012
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, August 2nd (Friday)

Well, shoot. I had to look it up too. Google "slang teabagging" but for the love of God do NOT do an image search. I have to go bleach my eyes now.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2459 | Registered: Aug 2011
million pieces
Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, August 3rd (Saturday)

Were they playing Minecraft? I've had this exact term come up a couple of months ago. My ds asked with sheer horror on his face, "why would anyone WANT to do that?!?!?!"


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1147 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

million pieces,

Yes, they were playing "MC" as my oldest says. It is a passion here! But a supervised passion given the social interaction via the interwebz...

I am with your DS.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5290 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

Confession - I had to google it too...lol. (I did NOT select images though!)


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4160 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 44