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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Thanks, OW.
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Tonight I had dinner with two great friends who told me that they had seen XWH and the Owife recently. I got them up to date on XWH's marriage to her, moving in the stepfamily, etc. I talked a little bit about the dynamic I think my XWH wanted from our marriage-- he wanted to be the focus of my world, and everything I did should have revolved around his needs and interests. I think we lasted as long as we did because I was a doormat in many ways. I was happy to listen to his music, eat the foods he liked, travel where he wanted... I was happy to go with the flow because it made him happy.

Over time, though, we began to clash because I think I began to grow up and become the person I wanted to be for me and not for him-- I am fairly independent, like alone time, and *gasp* had my own interests that I pursued whether he liked them or not. My friends listened as I told them about how DS #1 said that the Owife "really focuses on Dad," and I said that I'm sure XWH loves that because that's what he wanted from me. My friends affirmed this dynamic-- they said it was clear from how they related to each other that she danced attendance on him, clearly made him the focus, etc.

So, I'd like to take this moment to thank you, Owife. Although I would have preferred a more grown-up and amicable end to my marriage, I suppose that you provided the impetus I needed to end it. I had grown up and changed while my then-husband remained the same immature, needy individual that wasn't so bad at age 20 but had become unbearable by age 40.

When my friends described how attentive and focused you were being toward your now-husband, my XWH, I felt such a sense of dread at the memory of it but also relief because it was no longer my burden to carry. His presence became more and more suffocating, especially toward the end, and I delight every day that I am free to live my life as I so choose without having to report to a keeper.

I will never call you friend, approve of what you did, or truly think you noble for helping me to see my XWH for who is really is. But I will thank you, nonetheless, for being gullible enough to fall for his lovebombing. He's really good at that, isn't he? If you're lucky, you might get that for a couple more years. Enjoy it while you can. You're going to need those warm, sparkly memories in the years to come when you look outside the window of that pretty little house that I left and realize that it is nothing more than a jail.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3575 | Registered: Oct 2011
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Perfect! Hallmark couldn't have said it better.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5017 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
missmydogs
Member
Member # 36559
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

Yay!! This was fantastic! Good for you!


Me 36
DS 16
DD 4

Divorced!

I've made a huge mistake - GOB


Posts: 71 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: missmydogs
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)

<<round of applause>>

I will never call you friend, approve of what you did, or truly think you noble for helping me to see my XWH for who is really is. But I will thank you, nonetheless, for being gullible enough to fall for his lovebombing. He's really good at that, isn't he? If you're lucky, you might get that for a couple more years. Enjoy it while you can. You're going to need those warm, sparkly memories in the years to come when you look outside the window of that pretty little house that I left and realize that it is nothing more than a jail.

^^ I hung around for an extra 5-8 years living on rancid crumbs waiting for the love (bombing) to come back...

I thank past/current OW for distracting him as I work on detaching and healing. Should he be stupid/arrogant enough to try his hand at fishing all he will find is:

There are no fish in this pond. This pond has no water. Fuck off.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

omg I love every word in this post.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3314 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7318 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Strongmama
Member
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Great post! I can relate to almost every word. Thank you!

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

I could have written this. My stbxwh and his ow are not married but who knows, they could eventually be!
Everything else is spot on.
It's heartbreaking to lose someone you truly loved, but no one should ever stop growing up.
(((hugs)))


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
beforeandafter
Member
Member # 37618
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Fantastic post! I find myself wondering, after D is final, whether I ought to send OM a Thank you or a Condolences card. I don't suppose Hallmark sells a crossover?


Married 6-10-11
DDay 11-17-2012
DDay #2 6-5-13
Divorced 9-23-13

Posts: 123 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
npain
Member
Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Great post!!! Love it!!!


S,beginning D

Posts: 508 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Yes!


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17340 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Titanium
Member
Member # 38866
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

AWESOME.........

I booted my NPD/WH out 5 weeks ago. Its been incredibly difficult.

1 week after boot went into action he looked up OW. Found out that last weekend they now shacked up together in a 1 bed waterfront apartment fully furnished (because neither has anything) fir $189 per day.

She has entered the lions den or should i say "alcatraz" ........

Lmao.......thankyou for an uplifting post. Really needed it this morning after 24 years of narcisisstic wrath.

(((Hugs to all))

Oh after NC for 3 of those weeks he made contact saying wanted to come and talk.......about what?

Is the glue coming unstuck ALREADY?

HAHAHAHA.....i kept NC. Proud of myself. :-)


BS me 48
Him 45 NPD/SA fucktard
1 beautiful DS
M 20 yr T 24
DD#1 Jan 12
DD#2 Aug 12 LTA/PA with pond scum
Divorced....... :))
Shoot me down but I wont fall.
I am Titanium

Posts: 93 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

I suppose that you provided the impetus I needed to end it. I had grown up and changed while my then-husband remained the same immature, needy individual that wasn't so bad at age 20 but had become unbearable by age 40.

Standing ovation! Yes, yes, yes.

Makes me think this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvJs5BOlYi8


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 738 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Yes.

Nearly ExH was this and more.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2204 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Content  Posted: 10:11 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

This is fucking awesome.

Posts: 4693 | Registered: Dec 2009
Topic Posts: 15