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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Filed for Divorce
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

After many ups and downs and the insane ride that is this roller coaster of infidelity, I finally filed for divorce on Monday.
It is not the end I wanted for my marriage, and my WS was remorseful and wanted to reconcile (at least half-assed). But I felt in my gut he wasn't ready to the the hard work.
After I said I would file, he broke NC with the OW. Couldn't even wait until my attorney's appointment.
I need to start believing him when he shows me who he is.
On the bright side, we have gotten along and he's helping a lot with the boys.
I am praying that continues and this divorce can be smooth.
I need to look ahead for myself and really think about what I want in life.
Thanks for listening.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
ninebark
Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Good For you!

My STBXH was remorseful but didn't do the work required on himself. So I put myself first and our divorce is almost complete.

That being said, he has been faithfully paying CS and any other extras I bring forward. He does try to have a good relationship with DS. It for the most part goes smoothly. It can be done and I hope it does for you too!

It is definately the time to start focusing on you. I went out and started doing things I never ever did before, running, sewing, joined several clubs, martial arts, and now learning a new language. I have made it all about me, now you go and make it all about you and start to get to know yourself all over again. Go find your happy!


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Thank you ninebark, that is where I am. I know I can do this. I have been D before, once when I was very young.
I need to get over my false expectations of what HE will be doing during this time with regards to his own work. I thought filing would clear his head more but so far, it has not.
It's hard to see him so remorseful but not taking the right steps to work on himself. I know his potential is great, but I can't be responsible for it anymore.

I need to get back to all the things I was doing before this exploded-running, yoga, school, work and the boys. I start back at work tomorrow (summers off) so that is definitely going to help.
My 20 year highschool reunion is coming up in August so that is something I am really looking forward to as well.
Life goes on, right?
It does.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Thank you ninebark, that is where I am. I know I can do this. I have been D before, once when I was very young.
I need to get over my false expectations of what HE will be doing during this time with regards to his own work. I thought filing would clear his head more but so far, it has not.
It's hard to see him so remorseful but not taking the right steps to work on himself. I know his potential is great, but I can't be responsible for it anymore.

I need to get back to all the things I was doing before this exploded-running, yoga, school, work and the boys. I start back at work tomorrow (summers off) so that is definitely going to help.
My 20 year highschool reunion is coming up in August so that is something I am really looking forward to as well.
Life goes on, right?
It does.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
LadyQ
Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Praying for strength for you. My x was the same. As soon as he knew I was done, he stopped IC. I don't believe he ever went NC with the last piece of trash-part of the reason I threw in the towel.

At least it told me that he didn't really want to fix himself, he was only doing it because I "demanded" it of him.

The fun part now is after a year of being divorced, he's ready to introduce the first confirmed OW (a nasty piece of work with 4 kids from different baby daddies and poor hygiene) as his "new" girlfriend!! And, I'm truly OK with it. I wish them all the happiness they deserve.

It does gfet better!


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
LadyQ
Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Or "get better", for those who speak English...


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

At least it told me that he didn't really want to fix himself, he was only doing it because I "demanded" it of him.

Yes, mine was going through the motions and I know he is remorseful, but he has this insane fear of being alone.
We talked about me filing and possibly working through things alone, then maybe reconciling down the road.
Instead of keeping that in mind he went straight back to her again. I said "did you really think I would get back with you again if you just went back to her?"
Wow. I even asked him specifically to leave her out of this divorce because of the kids, and because of the fact that this divorce is between US.
He's still talking to her and I told him today that it just reaffirms that I made the right decision by filing Monday. I told him, I need to believe you when you show me who you are.
He said he was going to work on himself, but he's not.
He just isn't.
He also had an IC session for today that he "can't make". I have a feeling it will never be rescheduled.
I just need to move on.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Markone
Member
Member # 30291
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)

You've had to deal with so much. I think the sharp end of the infidelity spear is when the WS after having seen the devastation their A caused, continues regardless. Ugh. He seems like the epitome of the cake-eater and will end up with nothing. Keep moving forward, holding your head high. You gave him chances and he couldn't be bothered to fight. I'm right with you - after two years of ...well, just shit...I finally filed last week. I can now see the light at the end of this tunnel...I hope you will too.

((MPL))


DD 11/28/10
Me (BH)
Her (WS)
Separated and filed (7/13)

Posts: 407 | Registered: Dec 2010
Topic Posts: 8