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Dallas2
Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

My father is battling is second bout of lung cancer. This time it's a different type. I didn't even know there was such a thing. He is going throug chemo once a week and the max radiation a person can get every day for 6 1/2 weeks.

Thyis is very hard on him and my mother. Both are very scared as are the rest of my family. My sister who does not live in the same state ig going to visit them. Good idea, she should. However the supid part is that she wants her daughter, daughters BF, and his two children to go and stay with my parents for four days and nights. I and my other sisters are really upset about this. How could she even ask my parents to do this?I can't believe she is so clueless and thoughtless. I guess what they say about true colors showing is true.
It was important for her daught's "family" to be there for my father. What a crock of shit.
Needless to say her being so stupid casue a major family fight. She got her ass chewed by all of us, except one and she agreed just didn't call. Her being so stupid has caused damage that can not be undone. She also has cause most of us to dislike her daughter and her "family". Mind you my sister doesn't like the boyfriend and my niece doesn't like his kids. So what the hell was the point???


Me

Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

This would upset me on initial thought. But whether or not it KEPT bugging me would depend on a couple of things.

I live on the West coast. My entire family lives on the East coast. So when I have th funds to fly myself (let alone myself, hubby, and the kids) out for a visit, there isn't a lot of spare room for hotels. I generally stay with family, but I do a lot of the cooking, clean up behind myself and my family, and grocery shop etc from my own pocket. In other words, I make sure we arent a financial or "spacial" burden as much as possible.

If your sister has a history of not carrying her weight when visiting (ie expects to be treated like she's staying in a hotel), yes, I'd be seriously ticked off.
If her intent is to go, but as a help, not a hindrance, it may be the only way she can afford it.

That said, unless your folks know her BF and his kids, it'd be a lot more tactful on your sister's part to take her own DD and leave everyone else at home.


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6069 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Dallas2
Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

My sister acts like she is on vacation and does nothing to help. I don't expect this time to be any different.

Sorry she only lives a 5 hr. drive from my parents and we have other sisters that live in the area.


Me

Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Then given your last post, she is out of line.
WAY out of line.

I'm sorry for your family (and truly sorry about your father's battle with cancer).


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6069 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

I'm sorry that your father is battling this terrible disease. I'll be sending prayers and good thoughts.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36620 | Registered: Sep 2007
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Well, you can't change stupid. But you can go to your parent house when she is there and shame her into helping out. Hell, you can out right order her to do things. When my mother was dying, my sister and I had no problem telling the slackers in the family what was what. Sometimes major stress creates its own bitch boots with out any guilt.

I would be worried that they are bringing kids if your Dad is in both chemo and radiation. His immune system will be shot, and kids are notoriously germy. Ask your father's Dr if him being around kids that age is a good idea. If the Dr says no, then ban the kids from the house.

I am sorry about your Dad

(((hugs)))


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17605 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Threnody
Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Definitely ask about the kids, especially if any of them have recently had MMR or chicken pox vaccines. Any live virus vaccine could outright kill him. Birdie Sue was about a year late on all her toddler vaccines because my MIL was undergoing chemo and we were NOT keeping them away from one another. The doctors -- even the pediatrician -- agreed. (MIL had pancreatic cancer and managed to hang on for 18 months. It was worth the risks we took, IMO, to see them together.)


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Have they met before? Is this a way to introduce a hard topic to the family while people are distracted and down?

The idea of the kids and your dad's immune system is very thoughtful...and could be a possible way out of a hard time, even with a tiny bit of rug sweeping.

I have a sister who is not opposed to drama, thrives on it, and sometimes will sweep in like a storm over a difficult time, insert herself and opinions, take what she can like meals, collect on any subsequent attention and then be gone again.

It's very frustrating to witness.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Dallas2
Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Thank you all. No matter what is said she is going to do what she wants.

I can only try to tell her in so many ways not to do this to our parents. I have tried polite, direct, bitchy and any other way you can imagine. Not only did I call her and talk to her, so did my other sisters. None of it did any good.


Me

Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
jrc1963
Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

I would be worried that they are bringing kids if your Dad is in both chemo and radiation. His immune system will be shot, and kids are notoriously germy.

This^^^^


Me: BSO - 45
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24341 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Dallas, I understand what you are saying that she will do what she will do. But her doing that does not stop YOU from doing what you will do. If you are in the same town as your parents (or cn be) then plan vacation and physically stand in her way of fucking up what may be your Dad's last days (and I am sorry to put it that way, but if he is in chemo and radiation then everyone knows it is bad and may not end well). If you literally have to stand in the doorway to ban the kids because the Dr said to keep them away, then do it. If you literally have to stand in the kitchen and drag her to the sink to do the dishes then do it.

This is about YOUR PARENTS, not her selfish ass. If you cause a rift between you and her because you are protecting your parents, then so be it. I am not saying to make drama. Try to keep this away from your parents, especially your father. Drag her outside if you have to. Your father will likely be resting in the bedroom more than anything else, so send your mother to keep him company and then tell your sis what is what.

She is selfish. That is a given. Now you need to be selfish FOR your parents. Your sister obviously cannot be reasoned with so just be a total bitch to her. Because really, her lack of respect your your father's condition and your mother's stress level shoes that SHE deserves no respect.

HTH


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17605 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

I agree with you Dallas. Chemo is hardly the time to be dropping by and expecting a vacation experience.
It sounds pretty darn selfish to me.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 43957 | Registered: Sep 2006
Dallas2
Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

I got so wrapped up in the physical and emotional stress I forgot about the risk to his health. Emotions can screw up thinking. Believe me I have been a total bitch. I don't live near my parents and had just left after two weeks. I did all I could to help them. Housework, dishes, running errands for both.

I think we finally got part of it through her head. She actually called a friend to stay with. Then she called my parents to say they were not staying with them. So much for keeping from our father. He was pretty mad at me. He doesn't need me to run his life. My other sister that lives near my parents told them it wasn't just me and it was to protect them both.
I am glad she stood by me but am so pissed at my stupid sister I can't eat or sleep. I can't help but wonder where she came from. Our parents raised us all with the same values. I have blocked her from my FBI want nothing to do with her or her wonderful selfish family.


Me

Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

Edited to avoid hurting feelings.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 8:28 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 3961 | Registered: Sep 2005
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

Edited to avoid hurting feelings.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 8:28 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 3961 | Registered: Sep 2005
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 8:01 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

Tearsoflove, while you have a right to your opinion, your delivery is bordering on attacking someone who is hurting. We ask that you stay off this thread.

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, August 2nd (Friday)

(((((Dallas)))))))

I'm sorry your dad is going through this a second time.

I'm sorry you have a stupid sister. I have a stupid brother. I know what it's like to navigate life with a sibling who thinks it's all about them 24/7.

((((((((Dallas))))))))


Posts: 3300 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
MissesJai
Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, August 2nd (Friday)

(((Dallas))) my sister is nuts too.


FWW - 40
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5767 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Topic Posts: 18