SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Just Found Out
User Topic: New Here
pregnantandsad
Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Hi all. I am currently 8 months pregnant with my 2nd child. Have been married just shy of 7 years and 3 weeks ago my husband told me he wanted a divorce. I am devastated. We had some problems in our marriage but nothing I thought was un-fixable. He is unwilling to go to counseling, he won't talk to me, he just wants out. He was sleeping on the couch for the last couple weeks while we decided how to move forward with separation/divorce, tell our daughter and decide what to do about the baby I will be having next month.

The whole time I felt like something was wrong. The man I married would never walk away from me and our children without a fight. I looked at our phone records and see he has been texting a talking a lot to a girl he works with. At first he said she was gay, then he said she was just like a little sister to him. Now he has moved out and is living on her "couch" while he looks for a place of his own. She lives with roommates and suddenly is looking for a new place too, so they are planning on getting an apartment together. He still insists that they are just friends.

Today I finally get him to talk to me a bit. I have been having a hard time with all of this and feel so confused. He admits nothing physical has happened with her, but he thinks he loves her. I feel like someone has ripped my heart out of my chest. I don't know how to process this and try to move on. I truly never for one day doubted that he loved me, how did he suddenly stop and start feeling that love for someone else? I am seeing a therapist since this all happened, but I still feel so overwhelmed and hurt.


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Reality
Member
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

PS, it's a special kind of jerk that would spring this on you when you're EIGHT months pregnant. I'm so sorry you're juggling this, especially so close to having a baby.

I'm sorry to be blunt, when you're still so much in shock. I think you already know what is going on - he's lying to you.

She's not gay. She isn't like his "little sister." He's in a relationship with her. He's having an affair.

Up in the yellow box in the upper left corner, read through The Healing Library. Having to deal with this is A LOT easier when you learn how typical most of the responses you're going to see from him are. It helps to see that you're not in some special hell that no one can understand.

Please take care of yourself. Eat, drink, sleep, see to the child you already have. I know that's going to be hard, but your children need you and are far more worthy of time and attention right now.

Hugs. Keep talking. It helps to verbalize it, to see the situation written down.


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Oh, Sweetie! He doesn't love her. He is incapable of acting with love and respect for anyone right now, including himself. If he had any self-worth, he would not throw away his integrity and devastate his family.

He is broken, and the damage was done long before he met you. Unless he has a mental illness or personality disorder, he's probably messed-up due to his FOO (family of origin). WS's hide their emotional train wreckage, suppress it and deny it. But eventually they get into a situation where they are tested and they have no healthy coping skills or boundaries. Then they do stupid shit.

Here at SI, that stupid shit is cheating and generally acting 15. Once they screw up, they have to justify the horrible thing they've done. My WH remembers thinking:

I can't possibly have done this for no reason. I am a good guy . . . not a cheating asshole . . . it must be because I was unhappy in my marriage. Yeah, that's it--Sailorgirl has lots of faults. We fight all the time (untrue). I am miserable and OW is making me feel better. Wait--OW must be my schmoopie soulmate or I wouldn't have done this. Blah, blah, nauseating blah.

You are in the right place because this is such a wise and supportive community. Take good care of yourself and spend time connecting with your child. Try to detach from your WH because you need to protect yourself from that train wreck in progress.

I'm so glad you're in counseling. The only thing I would discuss with him are your children and finances. If he brings up his screwed-up self, direct him to therapy!

((pregnantandsad))

[This message edited by sailorgirl at 7:31 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)]


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
LiedtoLucy
Member
Member # 39246
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

((P&S))

My heart hurts for you. I can't really add anything to SG's advice. Take care of yourself and your babies.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. But you WILL get thru this. Be strong!


LTL

Me: BS
Him: WH
OW=UW or Ugly Whore- cow of WH
UW claims to be pregnant w/ WH baby and I HATE her for it.
DDay: 4/23/13
Together: 14 years
Married: 10 years
Kids: 3 beautiful boys. Ages: 8, 4, & 19 months
Trying to R-Some days are


Posts: 167 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Southeastern U.S.
traicionada
Member
Member # 10310
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Please be good to you & the baby


Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

Posts: 3243 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas
pregnantandsad
Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Thank you all so much for your kind words. I do know I will be better in the end, it's just the now that is so damn hard! Yes, I am still very much in shock and trying to sort out what else he has lied about. Do I really want to know? It all seems like so much right now.

I am so happy to have found this site. I will continue to focus on my daughter and keeping myself and the baby healthy. I did tell him today that I no longer what any communication with him unless it is about finances or the kids.

Question- right now while it is all so new, how do I stop myself from checking his & hers facebook/instagram social network accounts? I don't want to see pictures of them together, but I feel like I can't stop myself from looking and torturing myself. Does that part ever get better/go away?


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
hangingontohope7
Member
Member # 20024
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

((((((pregnantandsad))))))))

Please, please be gentle with yourself. This is NOT your fault.

There really are no words to express how deeply I feel for you. Just know that this board is wonderful and you will receive so much support. Do you have a support system in real life? Does your family know what is going on?

[This message edited by hangingontohope7 at 10:17 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)]


Me: BW
DDay #1 Tried R
DDAY #2 Divorcing

Burn everything love then burn the ashes.


Posts: 247 | Registered: Jun 2008
OK now
Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Time to seek legal advice and make sure your WH is financially providing for you and your family before any divorce.
I can see you are in shock but you must make sure there is a separation order with mandated payments in place ASAP.
He admits nothing physical has happened with her,

I'm afraid he is lying just to avoid the label of adulterer. Assume the worst and continue being tough to protect your family.


Posts: 1689 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
mandan66
Member
Member # 40075
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

(Sad)
I too am new here but only because it took me awhile to find SI; I wish I had found it at the beginning of my odyssey almost a year ago. And OK Now is exactly right: assume the worst,and get legal counsel. And don't tell him you're doing it either! If you have any close friends or family, let them in on what's happening, and get their help. My big mistake was giving my WS the benefit of the doubt, instead of listening to what others advised me. Protect yourself is exactly right! And Sailorgirl is right on: FOO seems like it is sooo huge in these things. Nothing you can do about it. Nothing. So now, focus on yourself and children. And hang in there. You will find you have many, many friends at SI!


Me: 47; WW: 48
2 DS: 9, 14
M:18--T:19
DDay: Jan/13
Divorced and Done!--7/13

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: KS
Titanium
Member
Member # 38866
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

P&G,

I am truly sorry for the pain you r feeling and the devastation that is happening to you.

I have been through hell and back so i, like all the others here know how it feels.

I agree, he is lying to you. I personally, and you will have to be super SUPER strong, would instantly start NC. See if that gives him a taste of what he is about to lose.

Gather a trusting, support network with your closest friends and family and be kind to yourself.

He is broken and despicable.......what a disgusting low down thing to do to you. Seriously..... I would shut the door in his face so he doesnt start the blameshifting, gaslighting and all the brain fuck games that WILL come into play while he is in the fog.

He will think he can say anything to you and that you will buy it if its not working for him out there.

They become cake eaters.......fuck him.

He doesnt deserve you or your attention. Trust your gut ALWAYS and actions ALWAYS speak louder than words.

Take if from me.....i was blindsided way too many times and it hurts worse with each time.

Be strong and take care of your babies. SI is here for you.

(((((Biggest hugs))))))


BS me 48
Him 45 NPD/SA fucktard
1 beautiful DS
M 20 yr T 24
DD#1 Jan 12
DD#2 Aug 12 LTA/PA with pond scum
Divorced....... :))
Shoot me down but I wont fall.
I am Titanium

Posts: 92 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

File for temporary support right away. He is not going to put you or your children first right now.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 3939 | Registered: Sep 2005
BrighterFuture
Member
Member # 38914
Cool  Posted: 3:06 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

[This message edited by VeryHurtbroken at 3:12 AM, August 1st (Thursday)]


Me:30
Him:31
D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.


Posts: 333 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
BrighterFuture
Member
Member # 38914
Angry  Posted: 3:08 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm also pregnant due in September so I know the kind of hurt you feel. Please delete both of them from your facebook account. It will show how tough you're plus no new hurts for you. Surround yourself with family and friends because you need them right now. Your husband is having an affair and is in the fog. FTG
Hugs and strength.

[This message edited by VeryHurtbroken at 3:13 AM, August 1st (Thursday)]


Me:30
Him:31
D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.


Posts: 333 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
Walking
Member
Member # 40102
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

Wow, I have only been on the board a week and every time I read something new, I just shake my head. It takes a special variety of asshat to do this to a pregnant woman. I know between this revelation and being eight months pregnant it's hard to even get off the couch but you need a strong support structure. Talk to a lawyer immediately, get temporary support, find a family member aside from him to look after your daughter while you are in the hospital(unless you want your husband's girlfriend likely watching her), and start thinking only of what is best for you and the kids. If being cut out of the birth of his second child doesn't wake him up nothing will. Are your parents around or another close relative, those hormones and emotions make you do and think crazy things on their own, not to mention this betrayal. You need someone who you can entrust to help you think clearly and decisively right now. I don't know what will happen with your husband, but I do know he is behaving in the most selfish self interested way he could behave. You need to act just as selfish for the time being by building your support system and getting a lawyer to get you everything you are entitled to ASAP. Two both the ladies on this thread who are going through this, realize once you get through this you will never again wonder how strong you are and just how weak your husbands are.

[This message edited by Walking at 6:14 AM, August 1st (Thursday)]


Posts: 57 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Midwest
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

About Facebook etc, it's so hard. I would block them completely. Think of them as Kryptonite to Superman (you are Superman and you need your strength).

Everytime you want to check, do something for you. Call you friends and family, prepare for your baby, go for a walk, take photos of your daughter etc. Can someone come stay with you?


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
NeverAgain2013
Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

I truly believe there's a 'special' Hell for men who desert women that are carrying their children.

I'm so sorry he's resorted to such unbelieveably low-rent behavior. The two of them should be horrifically ashamed of themselves for thinking this type of utter bullcrap is somehow perfectly fine and normal.

PregnantAndSad, you seriously need to get to a lawyer to find out what your rights are, what his financial responsibility is to you and the family, and what you can realistically expect with respect to child custody, etc., etc.

I wish you much strength.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1550 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
pregnantandsad
Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

Thank you all. Luckily I have a really wonderful support system and have been so amazed and grateful for how much support I am receiving. I am currently moving out of my house and putting it up for rent so that I can live with my parents for a while and lean on them.

I told WH yesterday that we will have no more contact, I hope I can be strong and follow through with it. I have already decided weeks ago that he will not be allowed in the room when I give birth. He was hurt by that but really didn't put up much of a fight. I just can't believe that the person I trusted more than anyone has done this to me and our family. How do you move past that?


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, August 2nd (Friday)

I just can't believe that the person I trusted more than anyone has done this to me and our family. How do you move past that?

I'm not super qualified to answer because I have not moved past WH's affair, but I have finally started to accept it. One thing that helps me is realizing that WH's fuckedupness (for lack of a better term) had nothing to do with me. He didn't have the affair because of me or in order to hurt me. He was so lost and broken that he couldn't even see me anymore.

I don't know whether your WH has FOO issues or past abuse or mental illness or what, but the damage was done before you came along. If he had married some other woman, she would be the BW.

Do the best you can enforcing NC to protect yourself and your children. If the actual loss of his family does not end the fog and devastate him, then you will have made a lucky escape. Only an emotionally empty person or seriously mentally ill person can fail to respond to the birth of their own child.


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
canteat
Member
Member # 39636
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, August 2nd (Friday)

I am so so sorry you are going through this. SI is a source of strength and guidence. Lean on the people here-we got your back! From reading your post, I can't help but thinking that the shiny, wonderfulness of moving in with OW will wear off quickly when he realizes what he is losing. And that she is not as great as he currently thinks she is. In other words, when he gets his head out of his ass. And when he gets papers about child support the shit will get REAL to him. He may come crawling back. Just be prepared. Like others have said-take care of you and your children. You can deal with this asshat when/if he proves himself. Stay strong. *hugs*

[This message edited by canteat at 6:41 PM, August 2nd (Friday)]


Me: BW 42
Him: WH 47
Married 9 years-together 18
Dday: 6/17/2013 EA/PA(EA 1yr/PA 6mos-OW out of state)
status: Starting R 7/22/13

Posts: 151 | Registered: Jun 2013
Joyless29
New Member
Member # 39824
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, August 2nd (Friday)

My heart goes out to you and your children. Everyone is right, it does take someone special to do this to a woman who is carrying their child. I did the same thing, I obsessed about the details and checking my WH phone records, email, facebook, etc. to find the truth because he denyed everythhing, i had to find it out myself, corner him, to finally get him to admit, Do what you need to do to feel better. To me at the beginning I wanted to find out everything so I no longer was in the dark. After a while though it is only like shopping for pain. You already know in your heart I am sure that he is lying to you. Very time I found something new it just derailed me and I fell part again. The best thing you can do is the 180. It will make you feel strong as well and in control. Also, think about yr kids and new baby. Surround yourself with friends, family to help you, especially as the baby arrives. One day you will look back on this and your kids will admire your courage and they will figure out the man their dad really is. Stay strong and keep posting. Hugs to you.



When life changes to be harder, change yourself to be stronger.


Posts: 16 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Northeast
sohowamI
Member
Member # 36671
Default  Posted: 4:28 AM, August 3rd (Saturday)

PAS: This is such a horrid thing to happen to you. One thing that you must do, however, is to get yourself tested for STDs. I was 7 months pregnant with my second child when my WH had a ONS and contracted Chlymydia that he passed onto me and my unborn baby. This is not something that you need to have to contend with.

From my experience, someone who is capable of abusing you like this, when you are so vulnerable, is someone who is broken inside. Unless something really traumatic happens, then they will continue along this path. As I know only so well...

Look after yourself and put your faith in those who care.


WS had two LTAs of 10 years and 12 years; further 8/9 affairs; EAs, 2 OC. Looks horrific but he is fully immersed in trying to find the 'broken.' It's on-going and painful. If there's a blue sky and sunshine, then it's a good day.

Posts: 164 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: UK
pregnantandsad
Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I'm just getting caught up with all your wonderful responses after spending the weekend moving.

I did go an get tested on Friday for STD's even though he swore up and down there was no need to.

I agree that something seems broken with him, I just don't understand what happened to get him to this point. There were really no warning signs leading up to this, so I feel so completely caught off guard. He is not the person I have know for the past 12 years, and that is so hard to wrap my head around.


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
emotionalgirl
Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I am new to this site today and just could not believe your post. I thank god every minute that we do not have any children now that I am dealing with the mess that is my 25 year marriage...my thoughts and prayers are you (((hugs))) stay strong.


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 369 | Registered: Aug 2013
pregnantandsad
Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

Just wanted to post an update. It's been almost 8 weeks since WH told me he wanted a divorce, 6 weeks since I caught him at OW's house and he started living there for good.

I am 2 weeks away from giving birth, sticking to the 180 fairly well and been pretty good about NC except for emailing about finances and childcare. He has not bothered asking me once how I am feeling, how doctors appointments are going, etc. I have to admit that that really hurts.

Tuesday morning he texts me asking how I have been feeling, I didn't respond. A couple hours later he calls my work (his number is blocked so I had to answer since I didn't know it was him) and says he misses our daughter and wants to start having her overnight a night or 2 a week once he gets his own place. He plans on getting a place with OW in October(they currently live together with her roomates- he still insists he is sleeping on the couch). I told him that we don't need to discuss this now, when he gets a place we will talk about it then. He gets upset, says I am keeping his daughter from him and he needs to see her more. I sent him an emailing explaining that he needs to put her needs first, realize how many changes were just made in her life, and that throwing OW into the mix is just going to be more confusing to her right now. He finally agreed that that is true, and that now is not the time for her to be going to spend time with him and OW. Then he asked me to go to therapy with him to learn how to get along for our daughter's sake.

Are you effin kidding me? Before he left me for OW I asked him to go to therapy to discuss how we could best break the news to our daughter, and he was unwilling. I had to tell her alone that mommy and daddy weren't going to be married anymore and that her and I would be moving into Grandma & Grandpas house. I had to dry her tears and answer her questions alone while he was out having fun with OW. Now he wants to go to counseling so we can get along?? I have been very cordial with him when he comes to pick her up/drop her off, but I will not be his friend. He tried to ask me how my weekend was when he picked her up on Monday and I didn't answer him, so I think to him that means that I am being mean and "unfriendly" How does he expect me to be his friend? He abandoned me at 7 months pregnant, made me leave my house, I will be giving birth alone and raising our child by myself. Fuck him.

He is not feeling any remorse, does not see at all what kind of pain he has inflicted on me. He is not even thinking about our daughter right now, just about how HE misses her.

I am sorry this is so long, I just needed a place to get this all out.


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
hill
Member
Member # 12166
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

(((pregnantandsad)))

My heart breaks for you and your daughter.

You will be such a strong role model for her and your baby-to-be; you have handled this with such grace.


Posts: 3144 | Registered: Sep 2006
NeverAgain2013
Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

PAS, I'm actually impressed at how strong you sound. You know your mind, you're not an emotional mess when he comes around, you've let him know in no uncertain terms that you're putting yourself, your child, and your future baby first and nothing he says will change that.

Good on you!

I'm hoping you've got child support firmly in place? I'm also hoping you have a lawyer because I've read here on SI many times that BW's have put stipulations into their child custody agreements that their cheating husbands could NOT have any overnight "guests" on the nights that these guys had their children visiting.

Please go see a lawyer.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1550 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
pregnantandsad
Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

Thank you both so much for your kind words. I don't feel very strong, I feel like I am fighting to keep it together. I think as my due date gets closer and closer, the reality that this is all really happening is hitting me more and more. I hate that all of us here have had to deal with feeling like this. It's just so unfair.


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Thefly559
Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

I am so really sorry you are here, I know your pain all to well . As you can see I am a male and would like to give my opinion if I can . I went through a very very similar situation , my stbxw cheated with someone from work and denied it for years and made me into some pleaser asshole till I caught her at 2am in a hotel room . The pain for me was unbearable physical and emotional vomiting ,begging as she laughed no remorse told me I was pathetic ! Yes that is just some of the pain. That was 4 months ago ! I will never go back there again and you will see also if you do exactly what they tell you on this site you too will be fine . I can tell you your husband is a piece of crap half a man! Leaves his pregnant wife? Wtf? You sound very intelligent and strong , you will push through this and come out shining . I know no remorse is a whole different kind of betrayal so I feel the pain, and I am sorry. Take care of you and kids. Cut all contact with him and be happy ! That is the biggest revenge . I wish you all the best ! Stay strong and move through anger wisely.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 603 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
OK now
Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

Just can't understand how he can do this. Even if he was indifferent to you in an emotional way doesn't he feel love for his children? Doesn't he feel that he needs to nurture and support them? Sacrifice for them?

As for staying with the OW and sleeping on the couch, thats not going to fly in the divorce court. He has committed adultery beyond reasonable doubt.
Loser.


Posts: 1689 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
AppleBlossom
Member
Member # 38541
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

Dearest PregnantandSad, what an amazing job you are doing - trust me, you really are.

My ex-husband has a great way of asking me to do things "for the sake of the children" and for a long time I did, until I realised it was just to make life easier for him. All this "being nice and friendly" was just to give him bragging rights and stop him feeling uncomfortable around the kids.

When he hurt me for the bajillionth time, I realised that the only lesson my kids were learning was how to put up with an arsehole.

I am dealing another issue entirely (my ex has been physically abusive) and he still believes that it is wrong for me to show animosity to him (which I dont, I just flat out ignore him) in front of the kids. So what I have decided, is rather than go to counselling with him (as he also wants) is to go to mediation. This way, there is no touchy feely stuff about feelings, he doesnt get an opportunity to blab about himself. We just agree to what is acceptable.

In my view, it is acceptable to say "hello" and "goodbye" and pass on information about the children. It is also reasonable for him to not ask about me or my provate life or my health or anything to do with me.

I believe that your husband is working hard at setting it up so that he looks like a really good guy so he can have his happy life with his room mate. He is telling lies about their relationship and while he wants to expose your children to that, he does not deserve your time in attending a therapy session in good faith. I think a lot more water needs to go under the bridge before then.

Please take care, and please think about seeing a lawyer.


Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 30