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New Beginnings
User Topic: I want to skip dating and go right to Reltnshp
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Funny  Posted: 6:55 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Anyboy else out there feel this way. Dating is soooo much work. I just want that person to be right there to cuddle, kiss and have good times with. Too bad I have to do the work all over again to find them, make sure they are in to me blah, blah, blah.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
gma56
Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Wouldn't that be easy to skip the dating.
I liked to date back when I was single in my 20s but now ? Not so much.


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20377 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

I don't know. Dating can also be fun. The rush, the excitement, the unknown...


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

I guess I am just feeling trapped right now because I am in year 3 of my D, its not over yet and dating "fully" is not an option for me right now.

I also miss certain parts of my marriage.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
travels
Member
Member # 20334
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Raising my hand.
I often say this. I hate to date and would much rather be through all the beginning awkwardness and in a relationship.

Oh well... guess it's not possible.


When one door closes, another door opens. It's the journey through the hallway that sucks.

Posts: 3775 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: PA
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

b4me raises hand also!


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3156 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
GrievingMommy
Member
Member # 28127
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Same here! Dating is not fun anymore. It was a lot easier and fun when I was in my early 20's (and with no children that I have 98% of the time).


Me - Now 36 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

I enjoyed dating. I didn't really get a chance to before I got married. I went from meeting people to instant relationships. I tried to focus on being in the moment and enjoy myself. Not worry about the future relationship possibility.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4185 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

I never was a dater. I was a hippie chick. Back then we just bumped into people and fell into bed. None of this elaborate courtship shit....


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17413 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
hurtinky
Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Dating as a young adult was fun because it seemed like there was a waiting list of suitable dating partners. I never had to go in search of someone to date! I remember knowing who I wanted to date if the current person didn't work out!

But, this later in life dating is stupid. OLD feels more like job interviewing than dating. You don't even know these men. You are meeting people and you don't even know their last name or where they live. It's crazy. That's why I can't do it. It just feels so unnatural. I have no desire to date. If I meet someone in the normal course of my life, great. If not, that's just the way it's going to go down, because I'm not doing something that feels as crazy as OLD felt.


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
heartbroken_kk
Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 1:49 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

Yeah, me too.

In fact I think I will just skip dating all together. But wait. How will I get myself another SO then? hmmmm. I guess I might have to date a little. But I'm SURE it will only take what, two or three dates to find the guy to settle down with, right?


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1203 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
gma56
Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 1:58 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

Back then we just bumped into people and fell into bed. None of this elaborate courtship shit....
I wasn't as blunt as FF but yeah that is pretty much how it was back in the day.


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20377 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

I remember feeling exactly this way. In fact, I kept saying I wanted a partner to just show up on my doorstep without me doing any kind of work. I hated dating. But I got used to it.

The funny part is that SO did just sort of drop into my lap - but I met him in a bar. He was the one, but I didn't recognize it for a year and a half. Thank God he was patient.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7702 | Registered: Aug 2005
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

Me too....I want to skip it as well!

So who is coming over to thrown their dirty socks on my floor????


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2137 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
ISPIFFD
Member
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

Still not at all interested in dating, but I totally feel this way about making friends.

Got the riot act read to me recently while whining to a ldbuddy about no local friends - she actually said I have TRY and be interested in people, that I can't just sit around and wait for them to magically appear at my door....

Well, crap on that!

Besides, putting myself out there, talking to people everywhere I go, joining all sorts of groups/classes/clubs and faking interest (or, hey, even being genuinely interested!) hasn't done a dang bit of good. I'm up for magic at this point.

[This message edited by ISPIFFD at 9:28 AM, August 1st (Thursday)]


Me: BW (55)
Him: WH (62)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1857 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
Survivor3512
Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

Add me to the list! Dating sucks!

Evenkeel- lol!! You killed me with the dirty socks...


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

I never was a dater. I was a hippie chick. Back then we just bumped into people and fell into bed. None of this elaborate courtship shit....

Totally me! I was like this too when I was young. I wasn't going to do this in my 40s-50s so had to 'study' courtship. What the hell did you do if you didn't fall in bed right away and create an instant sexual bond that you later regretted???????

I had the best courtship this time around and it's still part of our dating 3 years. Getting in tune with the dance steps of dating with the right guy is what has made this relationship so much fun and enjoyable. We have really good relaxing pleasurable times when we are together.

So I feel really positive about dating now.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5834 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

Its just easier when they know what you like, you know what they like. Plus there that thing about being serious or not.

I have to say that you hippies had it good. I watched a movie, can't remember the name but that's exactly what they talked about. You would just meet someone have some drinks, a little grass and then go to bed together. Easy. (Without the STDs ofcourse).

Don't get me started on STDs and the unknown. Even if they tell you what they did or didn't do; there is still doubt.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

Don't get me started on STDs and the unknown. Even if they tell you what they did or didn't do; there is still doubt.

You mean, unlike what we all experienced in our marriages?

I trust no one's sexual history. I only know if I"m monogamous.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

There was a reunion of older-than-me hippies last weekend and looking at the FB pics I found myself thinking:

"The only thing I had in common with them was the clap..."

I was a latecomer but got some of the goodies....

Also had a couple of terrific long-term relationships with gorgeous boys who knew how to court a woman.

Ah, the good old days.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17413 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Griefstricken25
Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

Me too!

I haven't dated since WXH. I don't have time or opportunity. But I didn't date when I was young, either. I "went out" with one guy before I met WXH. WXH and I were friends, who became "more". That can happen easily in your 20s, when most people aren't married yet.

Now, nearing 40, this scenario doesn't happen as readily. And especially not when I need childcare every single time I leave the house alone. *sigh*

I have no answer, but I don't want to date a bunch of people. I just don't. It's not my style. But I do want a relationship/marriage again someday.

For now, I just focus on me and the kids.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2521 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Topic Posts: 21