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User Topic: clever blameshift
Spelljean
Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

WH said the other night "I should never have started seeing that other woman and made such a mess of everything. What I should have done was ask you what the hell was wrong with you instead of going outside the marriage."

He was referring to my "issues" that apparently involved pushing him away, not giving him enough sex, etc over the years.

So, he is accepting blame...not! He says if he just would have asked me what was wrong with me, all would have been well.

A year later and still blaming me.

Actually its not all that clever, and its almost comical. "Yes, honey. You should have come to me and demanded to know what the eff was wrong with me and why I was such a frigid, boring, bitchy wife. Its your fault for not taking that initiative"

This is insanity.

[This message edited by Spelljean at 7:10 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)]


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

What I should have done was ask you what the hell was wrong with you
Is he still breathing?


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25696 | Registered: Aug 2011
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

There's this great "Best of Craigslist" article called "Married Means Married You Moron". He should probably read it.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Loyalty2Liberty
Member
Member # 36714
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

This particular flavor of blameshift move was, and unfortunately still is, one of stbx's staples.

He's gotten sneakier about it over time. Whenever I have to talk to him about divorce stuff, he usually either tries to suck me into conversation, slip in some sneaky attempt at a mindfuck, or just outright show his delusional, entitled arse.

The longer it would take to clearly explain how the blameshift is happening to someone who doesn't already understand, the better. Easier for me to hear myself trying to put my finger on it and wonder if I really am the crazy one here. Doesn't work anymore, thankfully.


me:BW
him:stbxWh


Posts: 236 | Registered: Sep 2012
Spelljean
Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Haha, nowiknow...if i wasnt sitting there with an open mouth i might have broken something!

Loyalty, i hear you. I no longer think i am crazy. Actually had that revelation about a week after dday.

Love that craigslist article...


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 5