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Wayward Side
User Topic: I screwed up again.
JMSSC
New Member
Member # 35691
Stop  Posted: 7:15 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Been a while since i have posted on here. Been doing great. Up untill this morning. For some unanswerable reason i goton my wifes facebook and posted something to one of her freinds. I can honestly say i cant remember everything i said except that i can cook. I can home this morning. Took my sleep meds then got on the computer. Thats all i remember. I have no intrest for anyone except the women i am married to. Ahe is my wife and i only have feelings for her. Just need to find out why i did this. Please help.


Me, 38 yo recovering WH
Her, 45 yo BW (HFSSC)
Bailing water, not blowing any more holes in the boat

Posts: 37 | Registered: May 2012 | From: SC
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

I don't know, JM. I read your W's post and it baffled me. I know Ambien does some screwy things to your brain and after I read her follow up post I was like, oooohhhh, he took Ambien.

But part of me says that doesn't cut it.

I'm glad you posted. Have you dealt with all your issues? I know things have been really good in R but I'm wondering if you're covering up anything that's going on with you to keep things running smoothly. (I don't mean cheating, I mean feelings, etc.)

Keep digging.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38002 | Registered: Sep 2007
JMSSC
New Member
Member # 35691
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

I have no wrong feelings. I feel and love her so deeply. I walk with god leading me and my family. Have no issues or troubles on my mind. Just cant get this. She is the world to me and gods gift.


Me, 38 yo recovering WH
Her, 45 yo BW (HFSSC)
Bailing water, not blowing any more holes in the boat

Posts: 37 | Registered: May 2012 | From: SC
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Feelings aren't necessarily wrong or right, they just are.

Keep talking to her and keep praying, if that's what helps you.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38002 | Registered: Sep 2007
JMSSC
New Member
Member # 35691
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Thanks so much AUTH. Will do. Will continue to bale water.


Me, 38 yo recovering WH
Her, 45 yo BW (HFSSC)
Bailing water, not blowing any more holes in the boat

Posts: 37 | Registered: May 2012 | From: SC
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

JMSSC...

We've added the stop sign to your thread so that you only get WS replies. Your wife is getting a lot of support on General and we want you to get the same fair and honest replies without having repeated posts brought in here from BS's.

I'm really proud of you for posting and asking for help...I know its hard to do, but this is a big step in helping your wife and you understand just what went wrong and why you reacted the way you did.

Keep posting and reaching out


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198255 | Registered: May 2002
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

JM,


I can't see that a person has no concerns, no worries or no feelings. I get that you are not understanding why you did this, however if you sit there and keep telling yourself that you just have love for your wife so you just don't get why you did this, it will keep you from doing the digging to figure out why you DID. The thing here is, you did do this, and there is a reason, do you want to know that reason?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5060 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
JMSSC
New Member
Member # 35691
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Tired girl. Yes i want to find out why I, me, myself did this. Any help will be much welcomed.


Me, 38 yo recovering WH
Her, 45 yo BW (HFSSC)
Bailing water, not blowing any more holes in the boat

Posts: 37 | Registered: May 2012 | From: SC
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

First there is the question of the Ambien, how much do you remember of what happened?

Also, how are things going for you in your life? Not married life, your life.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5060 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
longroadhome
Member
Member # 32428
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Do you absolutely NEED the Ambien? If there's any chance that its bringing out these bouts of strange behavior, could you take something else for help sleeping? I know working nights is tough, I've been there so I get that the occasional sleep aid is a blessing, but at what cost. There must be another option. At least it will rule out side effects as a cause of bringing more worry to your W.

Is there any reason you chose to communicate with someone that resembles the ow? I know it will be hard to recall with the Ambien, but try. Is there any possibility that you needed a "validation boost?"


Me: WH
Her: BW, and the most amazing, beautiful person I've ever known

It is counterintuitive really... the less we defend our well-being, the more well we feel. ~ Nancy Colier


Posts: 547 | Registered: Jun 2011
JMSSC
New Member
Member # 35691
Default  Posted: 3:58 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

Tired girl and longroadhome. My life is so great now. I have finally grown up and doing what a man is supposed to do. I can only recall taking my meds and sitting down at the computer. I have no issues or needs to think about the ow. And i havent. All night tonight i kept coming back to the meds. There will be NO more sleep meds. Thats not me or where my heart is.

[This message edited by JMSSC at 4:37 AM, August 1st (Thursday)]


Me, 38 yo recovering WH
Her, 45 yo BW (HFSSC)
Bailing water, not blowing any more holes in the boat

Posts: 37 | Registered: May 2012 | From: SC
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

Do you have a history of doing weird stuff on Ambien or is this an isolated incident?

Think this thru in its entirety. Dig in. Make absolutely sure there is nothing going on internally JM.

[This message edited by Aubrie84 at 7:56 AM, August 1st (Thursday)]


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6291 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
longroadhome
Member
Member # 32428
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, August 1st (Thursday)


Think this thru in its entirety. Dig in. Make absolutely sure there is nothing going on internally JM.

I agree with this. I think removing the meds from the equation will help. Nothing clouding the process. There may be something below the surface to examine that's surfaces when your state of mind is altered. That doesn't mean you're not working hard and doing great things to heal yourself and your M, just that the mind is a quirky and unpredictable thing sometimes.

I'm glad to hear that things are generally going well, JM.


Me: WH
Her: BW, and the most amazing, beautiful person I've ever known

It is counterintuitive really... the less we defend our well-being, the more well we feel. ~ Nancy Colier


Posts: 547 | Registered: Jun 2011
Topic Posts: 13