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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: WS keeps trying to mess with my mind
tennispro
New Member
Member # 39728
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

All I asked for was a D since he still has his A in the country he frequents for work. WS just messes with my mind -- says he and I could never work out, our marriage was bad before his A (he's right, it was -- but I believe we could have worked on it if he wasn't afraid of MC and confrontation). Anyway, then there are days like today when I tell him we HAVE to move on with our lives b/c he has someone and I deserve to meet someone too. I deserve NOT to be lonely and the kids deserve to live in reality and not this fake world of a pseudo happy family. Now all the sudden WH is like "love you", "I don't text her", etc. Seriously asshole, I want out!!
I was advised not to be the one to pull the trigger and I am abiding by the advice I was given.
I'll take that advice for another 6 weeks and then will consult with my attorney about moving forward.
Thanks for being here for me.
Best to all!


Me: BS 44yo
Him: WS 42yo
Married 11yrs; together 16yr
Kids: 8yo and 3yo
Dday: June 26, 2013
Dday #2: July 22, 2013 - found out same woman and been going on since Dec 2012.
Starting the divorce process. Listing our home. Scared but hopeful.

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jul 2013
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Why were you advised not to pull the trigger first? If you are going to file for fault you NEED to file first. If you are going for no fault, it usually doesn't matter who files first so why put yourself through more emotional pain by waiting if you are ready to get out?


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1090 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)

Yeah, my WH tried to keep me on a seesaw too. I was advised not to pull the trigger - for financial reasons.

It isn't an easy way to go emotionally! In my case we were S, so it was tolerable.

The only saving grace in my scenario was a friend who constantly reminded me that the pain wouldn't stop just because I filed, or on the day of the D, and that I had to - not only herd the ducks - but first I had to find some ducks to herd!

Keep in mind that the back and forth - is not evidence of R. It is likely evidence of trouble in lala land, or a WS who only wants what they can't have. Neither is an appealing situation. It is likely he isn't trying to mess with your mind - but evidence as to how messed up his mind is.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:01 AM, August 1st (Thursday)

Filing first had major strategic advantages in my case. I'm glad I did it.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9650 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 4