You're a year into this. That's still pretty early. Shoot, I'm almost 2 years out and my husband has found an anger streak in the past couple months. It's scary stuff to be sure, but I know it's all part of it.
Losfer made a good point. Let go of the outcome. It's haaaard to do that. It took me a while to let go. To accept that my crappy actions have consequences. And it just might come down to separating/divorce. Who knows. But I can't hold onto the outcome. If we stay together, I will be supremely happy. If he walks out the door tomorrow, I know that it's because of my actions. It will devastate me to be sure. But I know that because of the work that I've done, I will be ok. I am healthier, stronger, and better than I was yesterday.
Anyway, know that you've been heard. Me - FWW
Him - QuietStand
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway."
"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."