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User Topic: Do you ever wish?
shatteredheart7
Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

That you had never found out or they had never confessed if like in my case you had no idea?
There are so many times I find myself wishing that he would have just kept this to himself! That he would have carried this around with him until the day he died, his own private hell if you will, and had let me go on living my happy peaceful life!

Sometimes I find myself thinking how unfair it is. First he disrespects me by cheating on me with a skank then when I think we are doing well and back to being the happy couple that we use to be he springs it on me about the A. I have asked why he told me the truth. He swears it was because he felt I deserved to know. However, I know part of the reason is because he felt so guilty about what he had done. No one will ever convince me otherwise.

Is it so wrong to just want to be able to bury your head in the sand and pretend it didn't happen? At least for a little while!


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
Lonelygirl10
Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

I feel like this sometimes. I want to be with him, but knowing makes it so hard to be with him.

But then I think about how I now feel dumb for all the nice things I did for him while he was having the A, and I don't want to be that dumb person.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1017 | Registered: Jul 2013
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

Is it so wrong to just want to be able to bury your head in the sand and pretend it didn't happen?
I understand your heartache, and wish to remain innocent to the evil in the world, but unfortunately we need to know the truth in order to protect ourselves. Our cheating partners have put us in danger. If your H would never have told you, you would not know to be tested for STD's. We have a former member whose H gave her HIV. Ignorance is not bliss, it is deadly.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7021 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

I am glad I know the truth about who my WH has been and is capable of being. Of course I wish he was never this man to begin with.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 5:01 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
shatteredheart7
Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

I know all of this, in my head. It's my heart that can't handle it.

Yeah, I wish he had never done it! But like my grandfather use to say...

"Wish in one hand, shit in the other... see which one fills up faster."


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
TxsT
Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

Shatter..I used to fell this way all the time. That old adage about what you don't know won't kill you.

Well, the problem with that idea in this situation is that the way you used to be is part of the reason why you are where you are now.

Both I and my RWH both feel we never want to go back to our old life. It was broken, we see that now and we want so much more then that out of our marriage now.

Yes, as one other post mentioned, I would give anything for a fast forward button but no, I have stopped wanting to go back. I will be so much happier in the future.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
shatteredheart7
Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

Maybe it's partially because my situation is so different, or at least it feels like it is. I had no idea about the A. I knew we weren't happy, which is why I moved out, but I didn't know why. He did most of the hard work on himself, broke it off with her, started IC and got tested before we started "dating" again. We were happy, had been for quite a few months before he confessed to me. By the time he told me he hadn't seen her in 7 months, hadn't even wanted to see her.

Like I said, my head knows that I needed to know. But my heart asks why did he have to break me after he was "fixed"

Just part of my rollercoaster ride. I love him and I think that a big part of why I never thought about leaving after he told me was all the work he had done up to that point. Part of me wonders if he was just being selfish when he told me and I can't help wondering what he would have done if I would have left.


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
plainpain
Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

I sometimes wish I had walked in on them. I know that's dumb and some kind of weird torture I want to put myself through. I don't understand it. Maybe I feel like I would not have been able to forgive him then, and deep down I hate that I can forgive him. Probably something like that.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2013
RidingHealingRd
Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

What I wish is that I listened to my mother and never married him.

Do I wish that I never found our about his affair? Absolutely not. I wish I had learned earlier. Knowing is the ONLY thing that made my WH change. He hit rock bottom and has become a far better person because of it.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 60 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2082 | Registered: Nov 2011
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

I'm glad I know.
I'm not glad that's the person he is or has become.
I am determined to work on this part of me that seeks out broken men.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
scared&stronger
Member
Member # 15942
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

No I never wished I didnt' know. I wish he had told me instead of me finding out and he denying it with every breath he had until her husband confronted them.

I do wish that I had caught them in the act. I would have been violent and I know it. I would have beat her ass first then his. That one day...that one day when we missed each other by minutes. Had I got here and her van was still in the garage on my side. She would have had have that van towed. I would have slashed every tire, busted every window and put sugar in that gas tank.


WS 45
BS 43

Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.

d-day 4-3-07

Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.


Posts: 3954 | Registered: Aug 2007
shatteredheart7
Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

Plainpain, I don't think it is dumb at all! I know for a fact that I drove by her house at least once (probably more) while he was there in her bed. I often wish I would have drove around the block and seen his truck. I imagine what I would have done. Everything from slashing his tires, walking up to her door and finding the door unlocked and walking in then beating the hell out of both of them, to going back home packing his shit and taking it back and spreading it all over her front yard then writing all over his truck windows before moving his truck into her driveway then sitting outside her house with my camera and calling him to tell him he really needed to come look outside.

But, I didn't know...


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 12