User Topic: Blah!
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

First day back at work after the summer off. Walked in to my office and saw the Valentine's day flowers my STBXWH sent me this year.
Into the trash they went. Also took his photo out of one of the frames and replaced it with one of the boys.
Trying hard to do NC because he's still talking to OW, but I texted him and told him how much he'd hurt me and that he was a cruel man.
He is remorseful, I get that-and he wanted to R. Or at least half-ass wanted to, then broke NC when I said I was going to file for D.
I am just sick of him always turning the conversation back to him. "I destroyed my life too."
Yeah, I don't really care about that right now, honestly.
Every time he says that it shows me I made the right decision in filing for D.

Anyway, he came over to get DS guitar for the weekend and mentioned talking for a few minutes. I told him if he's still talking to OW we have nothing to talk about and gently shut the door on him.

Sorry, venting. Just frustrated.

[This message edited by myperfectlife at 8:44 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]

I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, August 1st (Thursday)

I told him if he's still talking to OW we have nothing to talk about and gently shut the door on him.

Exactly what you should say..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2333 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, August 1st (Thursday)



Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 52680 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, August 1st (Thursday)


Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 2:06 AM, August 2nd (Friday)

You handled it perfectly!!

Posts: 716 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 2:12 AM, August 2nd (Friday)

He's not remorseful if he's continuing contact with his OW.

Carry on with the NC....

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8086 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
sinsof thefather
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 3:08 AM, August 2nd (Friday)


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1882 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I've tried to be as NC as possible considering the 3 boys are ready to start school/sports/etc.
Today he texted me a few things and I finally asked him to stop because it was making me panicky. He apologized and said he would stop.
Then he came to drop off some sports equipment and talked to me for a few minutes.
He said he just wanted to tell me where he was...he's going to totally break off all contact, friendship etc with OW. He's actively working on himself, he's going to schedule more IC.
He misses me, loves me, wants me, doesn't want to lose me.
The anguish was evident and he seemed like he was about to have a break down. He was crying, borderline sobbing.
I just tried to nod a few times. I told him I didn't know what to say, and that I do still love him, and that was really all I could give him when he asked for a sliver of hope.
I know, NC=no new hurts. It's only been a week since I filed. I know he has put some changes into action but it's a long road to convincing me that he is who I should be with for the rest of my life, given what he has put me through.
I am still trying to concentrate on myself. I bought a crockpot today and went grocery shopping and am trying to cook more for the boys, which is a big deal.
I am still getting used to my ADs and started back at work, and it's about to get real busy with the boy's school and my college courses.
I am a little stressed about all of that. And I don't need to worry about him and what/how he's doing right now.
Anyway, that's my update for now.
It seems today that me filing for D may have truly hit him.

I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Stay strong. Sending you strength.

BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 387 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:15 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I admire you..handled perfectly.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5134 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 10