So many come here searching for an answer. I find myself sitting here sometime just thinking why. The question why doesn't come from why did I do this to him anymore. That may seem insensitive to some and perhaps it is on some level but the more he does to push me away the more I realized that I need to answer why for myself as well. Why was I not enough? Why was my integrity for sale? Why didn't I value the person I was and thought myself to be more then an instant of validation or some ego kibbles? There are times I look in the mirror and the person that's looking back at me has so much value. That woman is worth more than any instant validation then any selfish want that will make her less than not only in the eyes of society but in her eyes looking back at her from that mirror. So many say that they need to find their why because they want their BS to forgive them and that is absolutely a good starting point to figure out why you did what you did. The thing is that you will never find your true answers until you figure out your why for yourself. Until you can look yourself in the mirror and answer the question why was that person not enough?
[This message edited by Unagie at 6:01 PM, August 2nd (Friday)]
Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild
No longer together
"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."
Posts: 2755 | Registered: Oct 2012
SurprisinglyOkay Member Member # 36684
Posted: 8:10 PM, August 2nd (Friday)
I think of this often. A lot of my work in my 12 step fellowship is looking at my past actions.
I had zero self worth. I can't believe some of the things I did to myself, and others.
This also goes for so many people that I know, and love. It makes me so sad.
[This message edited by broevil at 8:10 PM, August 2nd (Friday)]
FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years