User Topic: It's not adding up
Member # 40131
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, August 2nd (Friday)

So, the OW says her husband caught on to and confronted her about the affair on the 19th, so why do the phone records show texting between her and my H on the 20th and 21st? She said the last she heard from him was on the 21st when her husband tried to friend request me to tell me everything. I didn't know the person and don't accept requests from people I don't actually know, especially men, so I asked my H if he knew who this person was. of course he said no, but promptly texted his AP to ask why her H was friend requesting me. She said she never responded.

Posts: 80 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, August 2nd (Friday)

You're really going to believe the OW???

Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Member # 34782
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, August 2nd (Friday)

Unfortunately even when caught they will still try to lie. My guess is the texting the days after OBS found out is because WS and OW were making sure their stories were in synch. Of course your WS is going to tell you he doesn't know who is friend requesting you. He doesn't want you to talk to the OBS.

The likely truth is OBS found out on the 19th and they continued to text and on the 21st OW found her BH tried to contact you. Now they are scrambling because they don't want you talking to OBS.

Me BW - 46
Him WH - 53
Together 23 yrs, Married 18
DDay August 2011
2 kids - 13 and 15

Gotta love the life that we livin'

Posts: 376 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 34695
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, August 2nd (Friday)

OWH found out about 2 days before he told me everything, and in those two days OW started applying the pressure with my H. I suspect she knew OWH was going to tell me and she was hoping to have my H ready to come running to her. Also, in the hours after OWH told me, they spoke and texted more than they had in the previous two days because my H was trying to find out what I knew, what OW told her H, and was trying to manage the situation.

All this to say, it's not out of the realm of possibility that there was communication after her H found out.

Me - 39
Him - 38
Married 15 years
2 DS
Day my world crashed down: 12/22/11
In R. Most days.

Posts: 789 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: AZ
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, August 2nd (Friday)

My guess is the texting the days after OBS found out is because WS and OW were making sure their stories were in synch. 

^^^^This, in a nutshell.

Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Member # 29126
Default  Posted: 1:43 AM, August 3rd (Saturday)

Damage Control!

If I want recovery, then I must allow for it to actually happen.
Is it possible that I actually do have all the truth now?

me - husband A46
her - wife A42
Married 17 years
D-Day August 2, 2009
3 kids 11, 13, and 15

Posts: 277 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 4:53 AM, August 3rd (Saturday)

Yes, getting stories straight. I confronted one and by the time I got to the next, they had matching stories. Ow lied to me, this one will lie to you. Your not in her best interest, she's concerned with herself and your husband period.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5172 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 34782
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

Nicnac - Have your read Not Just Friends? It explains why WS and AP keep in contact - basically it is the lies that keep them in contact. The lies to keep the stories straight are what they share together and the truth they don't want to share with BS.

When I did finally contact the OW to ask questions it was amazing how she said some of the same things and same terminology. Couldn't remember dates and other details just like my WH.

Me BW - 46
Him WH - 53
Together 23 yrs, Married 18
DDay August 2011
2 kids - 13 and 15

Gotta love the life that we livin'

Posts: 376 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

OW would not have any reason to tell the truth here and would likely be looking out for herself. WS at some points seem to be the same, for the ones I've known of continued to lie for a time, prior to giving up.

We, the BS, often become the enemy, because we question and poke holes in the reality of the bubble created by an A.

Just because people are found out, doesn't mean it will end.

I'm really sorry, Nicnac.

Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2306 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

Very few affairs end immediately upon discovery.

DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid

Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 1:41 AM, August 5th (Monday)

My husband called the OW and asked her to cover for him and lie to me so he could save his marriage. He had her tell me it was twice when it was really 4 times. She did exactly what he wanted and then he even did a false apology to us both right after that at the same time. I don't know how either one of them sat there with a atraight face. Be careful believing anything either one of them says.

Posts: 727 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 20396
Default  Posted: 4:33 AM, August 5th (Monday)

I had a similar experience after I confronted with my suspicions but before I confirmed them. Basically I asked directly if what I thought might be going on was going on. Then they put a lot of effort into getting their stories straight. Then he left his IM open while out on an errand, and that is how I confirmed.

I agree, they are likely synching their stories and attempting damage control.

Posts: 118 | Registered: Jul 2008
Topic Posts: 12