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LostandGuilty
Member
Member # 30493
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, August 3rd (Saturday)

I am laying in bed listening to my dog snore a little. Tonight is my last night ever sleeping next to him. I have to put him to sleep in the morning. For the past month, he has been suffering from anemia. The vets do not know what is causing it, but it has cost $1,200 to keep him alive this past month. He has had two blood transfusions and requires seven pills a day. The steroids that he has been given have made him diabetic. He now receives two insulin shots a day. None of it has worked, as he is still not producing his own red blood cells. His body is giving out on him.

Two weeks after I found out about the A, I moved out. My XWW showed no regret and never looked back. I had no bedroom furniture for the first three months, so me and my Jack Russell slept on my only couch every night. Him on top of me.

When I would come home from work, he would be there to greet me everyday. When I would sit up at night crying because I missed my wife and my kids, he would lick me. He was worried about me. He let me lean on him, cry, and complain. He listened to every word.

I am going to miss him. My kids are going to miss him. He is such an amazing family member. I feel guilty, but I can not do any more for him.


"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on" - Robert Frost

BH (35)
DS (15)
DD (13)


Posts: 224 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: FL
heartbroken_kk
Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, August 3rd (Saturday)

(((((LostandGuilty)))))
(((((BestFriend)))))

it is one of the greatest kindnesses you can do for your friend, to let him go gently.

Peace to you both


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1094 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
icantakeit
New Member
Member # 40096
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, August 3rd (Saturday)

Lostandguilty,
Do not feel guilty, you have done all you can.
I just went through the same thing July 15th. She was my comfort, always knew when I was feeling down. She would nuzzle me try cheer me. She was the only one I talked with about my WH. It is soooo hard without her, but it had to be done. Remember the happy times and know you are doing what is best for him.. Ever heard of Rainbow Bridge?? check it out it is comforting...Remember he knows how much you love him and will wait until you meet again!! It is so hard to lose a special companion. Condolences to you and your children.

[This message edited by icantakeit at 12:42 AM, August 3rd (Saturday)]


Posts: 3 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New England
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, August 3rd (Saturday)

That is one of the toughest and most selfless things we can do as pet owners.

I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved friend.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36696 | Registered: Sep 2007
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, August 3rd (Saturday)

I'm very sorry. I know how difficult it can be, but this is truly a loving thing you are doing for your best friend.

((((hugs))))


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13648 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
million pieces
Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, August 3rd (Saturday)

I've just gone through this twice in the past 4 months. First time I waited until it was too late and I felt so bad. The next time I almost feel like I did it too early because I was just sooooo afraid of her suffering when I wasn't around like her sister did. They were both at least 15yrs a HUGE part of my life. Like yours, they helped me through all the craziness and gave me a reason to function when my kids were not with me. They kept me going. Now I come home for the first time in 15 yrs to a empty house. Actually, the first time ever.

Dog Heaven was a wonderfully sweet book that I read w both of my kids. And I still cry.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1232 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
SoVerySadNow
Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, August 3rd (Saturday)

Oh this is heartbreaking. Hug your friend close.
I'm sorry.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1283 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
movingforward777
Member
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, August 3rd (Saturday)

I am so sorry that you have to go through this...but as others have said part of being a good pet owner is knowing when it is time to let them go peacefully and not suffer any more.....
Maybe in time you will be ready to have another dog....in the meantime remember all the good times and do what is right for your dog....he's crossing the "rainbow bridge" to run and play with other dogs, free of pain and suffering.....HUGS


You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4830 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, August 3rd (Saturday)

(((Lost & Doggie)))

I am so sorry.


Posts: 33982 | Registered: Mar 2011
Mommato4
Member
Member # 15906
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

((((Lost))))

I'm so sorry for the loss of your fur baby. I had a Jack too. They are wonderful dogs.

I went through something similar with mine last year and we couldn't pinpoint what it was for 8 months. When we finally figured it out, I learned it was a fatal disease. I had to make the hard decision. He was just shy of 6 years old and he was the dog I went through the divorce mess with. I understand that pain.

I had him cremated and he sits on my mantle with his ceramic paw print of that day so he's here with me always.

[This message edited by Mommato4 at 12:13 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)]


Updated 2014:
BS-me 41
XH-doesn't matter
4 kids
Divorced-7/25/08

SO-5 years together-he decided to end it by cheating too


Posts: 1376 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PNW country
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

I'm so sorry for you and your furbaby

((((Lost & kids & Best Friend))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2538 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

I'm so sorry. ((Lost and pup))


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7440 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
jrc1963
Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

I am so sorry for the loss of your best buddy...

Please take comfort in the fact that you did everything you could for him and are doing what is best for him now.

(((Lost)))


Me: BSO - 45
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24365 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

I'm so sorry LandG But you've done all you can do, and not letting your best friend suffer is the right choice. ((LandG))


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4380 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
purplejacket4
Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

So very sorry. Hugs!


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2082 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

I'm so sorry LandG.

Prayers and hugs.


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1394 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Want2help
Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

(((((LostandGuilty)))))
(((((BestFriend)))))

I am so, so sorry.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
7 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 2162 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
notmeanymore
Member
Member # 9772
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

((Lost & His Best Friend))

You shouldn't feel guilty, but I know it's easier said than done.


"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers

Posts: 863 | Registered: Feb 2006
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

What you are doing is an act of love, and he knows that you love him. (((((LostandGuilty)))))


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19817 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
sullymeishadomi
Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, August 4th (Sunday)

((Lost)). Youre truly blessed to have such a good friend. ((Doggie))


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8210 | Registered: Sep 2007
Pentup
Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, August 5th (Monday)

Thinking of you today.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6445 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
LostandGuilty
Member
Member # 30493
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Thank you, everyone. I am still completely devastated. I called in to work today. I have fallen far behind this month due to the dog and my sister (who is a drug addict) and I do not know if I can catch up. I was at the vet clinic six times in the past month. I do not know what to do.

His last breath totally broke me. He always had to have me hold him at the vetís office. This time was no different. The vein that they tried to put the injection in exploded and it hurt him. He yelped. The second vein that they tried worked. He died in my arms. I laid him down and his head ironically was lying on his favorite toy; a nasty, chewed up squeaky bone that stopped squeaking years ago (I tried replacing it many times, but he never played with any of the replacements). In fact, whenever I put his toys away in a corner, he would bring them all back in to the middle of the floor and leave them, just to be a pain in the ass.

I cried like I havenít in awhile. The only two times that I can recall crying like that were due to my dadís death and due to the A and the subsequent D. My kids were so sad. All I could do was apologize to them. I feel really guilty. His blood numbers were not as bad as I thought they would be, but he was still not producing any of his own blood. Plus, his diabetes was out of control. We would have to up his insulin amount. The vet told me that he would have been critical again in two weeks no matter what we did and would need another blood transfusion. I kind of decided to do it that day to get it over with. That thought makes me cry even now. I miss him so much already. I keep thinking that I should have tried harder or done more. I am hoping that the feeling goes away. My house is so quiet without him. The kids are at their momís house for half of the week. I hate this.


"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on" - Robert Frost

BH (35)
DS (15)
DD (13)


Posts: 224 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: FL
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, August 5th (Monday)

((Lost))

Another hug for you.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7440 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Pentup
Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, August 5th (Monday)

No matter if his numbers were worse, it still sucks. BTDT.

No words to help, just a (((LaG)))


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6445 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 11:30 PM, August 5th (Monday)

First off, (((hugs)))

I keep thinking that I should have tried harder or done more.

Just stop. Stop right there. You did enough. You did a good job. You gave your friend love, and caring, and devotion. Just as he did for you. The two of you gave each other support and the gift of togetherness.

The deal we make with our fur kids is that we will take care of them, show them love, tend to their health, and when itís time, we will end their suffering. In return, they teach us what unconditional love is and offer that love to us each and every day. That is the great joy that they give to us. The sad equation is that, they never live long enough. Their life spans are shorter than ours, so at some point, we loving owners are faced with the same decision that you were. And that is where we have to do whatís right for our friends. Make the really hard decisions to honor the love that they have so lavishly given to us.

Yes. You may have kept him breathing for one or two more weeks. Itís possible. With him fading each day until that next transfusion, which may or may not have worked, and the sure knowledge that his body would have gone through another critical phase. And then faced the same decision again, with a dog that was less healthy than he had been. Possibly hurting. Definitely not getting better.

Instead you picked the day and time. You gave him a good day with love and treats, no doubt. A last night of being cuddled next to you. And then with kindness, holding him to comfort him in a situation that you knew he didnít like, you ended his suffering.

Thatís the bargain that we make with them, when we love them, if we truly love them. That at some point, we will set them free from their failing bodies and end their suffering. We let them go with regrets and tears, yes, but also with love.

(((hugs))) Iím sitting here bawling for you. It never gets easier, but if the alternative is to never experience such love, then Iíll take the pain.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4588 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I'm just heartbroken for you reading this. Losing a beloved pet is like losing a family member. Please do not blame yourself for not doing more. You did what you could for him and chose to not let him suffer any longer. What you did was completely selfless.

We had to put our beloved dog to sleep very unexpectedly right before DDay. I was still reeling from it when I found out about the A. I miss him so much and think about him every day. I'm glad that he didn't have to feel the tension in our home after DDay, but I know he would have let me cuddle him while I sobbed.

Lots of love going out to you and your doggy tonight.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 824 | Registered: Mar 2013
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

((((L&G))))
It hurts so bad when we loose a family member. Quit making yourself feel guilty. He was not enjoying life the way he should, you made a good decision.

He is now able to run and play, and be himself. Make sure that you allow yourself the time to grieve his loss. It's ok.

They become such a big part of our lives. Remember the fun silly things, and not the last few weeks.

((((and peace))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7843 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 27