New Beginnings
User Topic: blowing up phone after date, thoughts?
Member # 9772
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

I went on a first date with a guy from OLD. Had a good time, we agreed to hang out again sometime.

He texted me later that night, I replied. Then he texted again but I didn't reply because it was late and I was in bed.

Come today he texts me and we go back and forth for a while. Then I'm busy for a couple hours and don't reply and he asks if he's offended me somehow. I explain I was busy. Then after he sends another text I don't reply within an hour and he's asking if I want him to drop dead or stop bothering me.

Now I've been guilty of being in his position before, so I'm sympathetic. Although I try to refrain from sending the "WHY didn't you respond?!" text.

I told him it was too much too soon. But now I feel a bit turned off.

Thoughts? Give him a chance? Or is it a sign of bad things to come? Is it too early to really tell?

"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers

Posts: 872 | Registered: Feb 2006
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

Walk, if not run, away from this one. Way too much wwaayy too soon.

Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

This would drive me insane. I've had to next a few men after they pulled this type of stunt.

However, I must say I find it absolutely rude for somebody to just disappear while we are texting. If I get busy, I just send them a text stating I have to go and will talk to them later. I don't believe it's too much to expect the same from them.

Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13806 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

Yikes, sounds like a clinger!

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13797 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

Stage 6. Code Red. Run!

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17488 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

I don't know what it says about the guy - not really knowing him or you or the situation. I don't know if this would count as "blowing up your phone," he's interested so he's texting.

What I can say is... it sounds like you're not really into him. For that reason alone, "It's not a match."

[This message edited by hurtbs at 7:30 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)]

DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid

Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

Run. He's creepy and clingy.

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2839 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

I can kinda see if he says, "Are you too busy to chat right now?"...I may be OK with that type of response. I also indicate that I'm busy and will respond later.


Then after he sends another text I don't reply within an hour and he's asking if I want him to drop dead or stop bothering me.

smacks of passive aggressive.

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4182 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 9772
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

Lessons learned here.

I'm not a huge fan of texting. And I'm kind of used to people dropping in and out of conversations when we're texting, but I should be more thoughtful if I'm going to be away for a while. Although it wasn't like it was mid stream in conversation.

Regardless, this wasn't the only flag. It's kind of a continuation of some mild flags while we were out.

"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers

Posts: 872 | Registered: Feb 2006
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

He sounds like doesn't have the emotional stability to date. How assumptive of him to think he can demand your attention via texting for half an afternoon. And how exhausting for you. I'd probably decline the second date after all.

BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5856 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I suppose some people view texting like a phone conversation. You wouldn't just put down the phone for an hour in the middle of a conversation, and to be in a texting conversation and to stop might feel odd to some people. Which is why I think texting is not a good way to have a conversation. It's good for, "I'll be there in 15 minutes."

It's interesting to me how many problems people post about that are related to texting, but everyone wants to believe that texting is a great way to communicate.

Heck, email isn't a great way to communicate.

We've lost sight of what "to communicate" really means. Then we wonder why everything is so screwed up after all of these half-baked, misunderstood transactions.

In this scenario, I think you both view texting etiquette differently. He thinks you are having a conversation and that you rudely left him hanging. You view it a bit looser, that you can respond at your convenience. If you liked him otherwise, you might want to get on the same page about texting and see if it works. But he sounds kind of clingy to me.

Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12

Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, August 4th (Sunday)

I told him it was too much too soon.
How has he responded to that message? I think I would probably "next" him. I've been guilty of it too, worrying about what not texting meant, wanting to ask why someone stopped in the middle of a communication etc...but that was earlier on in the process of dating for me, and I'm not sure I would have wanted to date me back then...I'm so much "maturer" now!

And, literally as I was typing that above message, I got this text from a OLD guy I've been text communicating with "Sorry about the delayed replies. Been pretty busy" to which I replied "No worries! That's what texting is like..respond when you can" (slight t/j And yet, this guy is calling me "Sweetheart" and we haven't yet met, so there may be other difficulties-but maybe he's just forgotten my name?! We'll have to see what we shall see )

[This message edited by better4me at 12:37 PM, August 4th (Sunday)]

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3207 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, August 4th (Sunday)

We've lost sight of what "to communicate" really means. Then we wonder why everything is so screwed up after all of these half-baked, misunderstood transactions.

I think we've just not adjusted what it means today. I mean back in the day communication was written letter by horseback and addressing your spouse as Mr. and Mrs.

Txting is fine, to me, but it can resemble the "poke, poke, poke". I would be turned off by that too.

If you think about it, pretty "all about me" feeling. Hey, if I'm not hearing from you it best be because you're bleeding out. Otherwise you hate me.

I probably would have responded after the "drop dead or bothering" those are the only two options I get? With a ":D" attached. Then I'd tell him, unless he wants me to think it's all about him trust me to reach out to you when I am able to focus on you and not drop my phone in this toilet I'm cleaning. Otherwise, my choice is "b". I'm a humanitarian and all.

Long drawn out overdone responses can actually be quite effective and light rather than short "piss off" ones unless you want him dead and bleeding.

Sounds a little too "easy attached" to me but maybe just a bit of shuffling is needed rather than ceasing completely.

Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth

Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
Topic Posts: 13