Off Topic
User Topic: Kidless activities
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

My H has actually had a few days off and has offered to watch the kids for a little while so I can go do something alone. We have 3 young kids (g-5yrs, b-22mos, b-4mos). I really REALLY need a break. I never envisioned myself as a SAHM and most days wonder if I'm doing more harm than good to my children. The problem is, I've become so entrenched in this 'you must enjoy every minute with your child' mentality that leaving to do something just for me - even if it's only and hour or two - makes me feel so guilty that I can't come up with anything I think I would enjoy. Any ideas?

[This message edited by musiclovingmom at 11:04 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)]

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

Wander through a museum alone. Take your time on the exhibits. Go into the gift shop afterwards & get something for yourself. Has to be for yourself, has to be a present for YOU.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9810 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)

Do something that you would never think of taking a child to do--a day spa; a meal at a fancy restaurant; a movie you've been wanting to see--anything that would be made uncomfortable with kids along.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20272 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 2:05 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I agree with the museum, or even a wine bar or something that the kids wouldn't enjoy, and you could never enjoy with the kids.

Then, all guilt is alleviated.

I do sympathize. Our wedding 5 year wedding anniversary is coming up. Our daughter is 4, and she has celebrated every wedding anniversary with us. We want to go to the coast for a night, but it's her favorite place in the world, so we feel too guilty going without her.

BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014


Posts: 2309 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

To shopping! Or to a spa! Or sit in a book store with a big cup of coffee and lose yourself in a book that is way over your kids' reading level. Or call some girlfriends and get together to gossip about things that have nothing to do with children. Or go hiking. Or go sit in a fancy restaurant and order wine and appreciate that you only have to cut your own steak.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13784 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

If you are talking overnight I would visit an old college friend or someone who means a lot to you.

If a few hours each day- leisurely meal with a glass of wine, museum, reading at a coffee shop, spa, touring a garden, a movie, inviting friends out to see live music, yoga, shopping and actually trying on clothes

Enjoy the time! I believe that children will benefit as well

Posts: 1002 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, August 4th (Sunday)

Fireproof - I wish I was talking anywhere near that amount of time. I'm talking maybe 3 hours (an hour of which will be spent driving to and from town) one time. Lol.
We only have one museum in town and I've seen it - lots. My only gf who won't be at work is down with a bum knee. My massage therapist is on maternity leave (and I'm picky about who does that). Since I'm nursing, drinks are out (not that we have a wine bar here anyway). I hate shopping (I'm a larger person and the ill fitting clothes available here only reinforce my negative self-concept). The bookstore sounds nice. My favorite one recently closed (a local job with a built in coffee bar). That leaves Hastings as my only choice, but I can't even remember the last time I actually got to just leisurely peruse the books. And if it isn't a children's book (or not just friends), I haven't even been able to think about reading it in months.

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 27186
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, August 4th (Sunday)

I'd go to dinner or lunch and a movie! When I first divorced, my absolute favorite thing to do was grab some White Castle and watch Avatar. Then I'd have a drink, and was ready for my kids to come home, lol. Of course I had the rest of the weekend alone with nothing to do. Have fun and enjoy your break!

BS-34; WXH-32; DS8; DS3; OC3
DDay: SEPT 2008
Divorced: JUNE 2010

Posts: 318 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Indy
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, August 4th (Sunday)

How about shopping for things around the house? Decorations, kitchen gadgets, plates, a fluffy comforter, things like that.

An adult movie, especially one that you enjoy but your spouse does not, would be a good use of time. But you would need at least 2 hours in town for that.

I always enjoy browsing thru the stacks in the library, plus it is free.

A mani/pedi is a nice indulgence. Bring a magazine and flip thru that while they are working on your nails.

And if you spend most of your time stuck in the house with the kids, then even a nice drive would be relaxing (but not if you have to fight traffic a lot or spend a good portion of your day playing chauffeur). Or if you have a state park nearby you could go for a hike or a leisurely nature walk.

I know you can find something that allow you to relax and unwind a little. Enjoy!

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17674 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, August 4th (Sunday)


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 12:53 AM, August 5th (Monday)

Casino, wine , mani - pedi, more wine, massage and um...some wine?

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3844 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, August 5th (Monday)

Mani/Pedi, Spa treatment of a facial? Those are always at the top of my list, along with a massage, but I see that's out.

One of the other things that I LOVE to do is go to the shooting range, yes the shooting range. I practice shooting my 9mm mostly. But it's something that takes concentration, see myself getting better, and definitely not a kid activity. Or going to the driving range, and hitting a bucket of balls, then going to grab a bite to eat at a nice restaraunt.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Tush - See, I'd take my daughter to the shooting range. She got a hot pink .22 for her second birthday. It's a family activity here so that our kids learn gun safety (if I'm gonna have them in the house, I want my kids to understand their proper use and real dangers).
We ended up going to the county fair as a family (including inlaws). My H got a call this afternoon to go out of state tomorrow for 'several days', so my alone time will have to wait. Only 11 more days until we leave for our anniversary weekend - minus kids as a couple overnight for the first time in a year.

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I could use someone to do my yard work.

I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.

Posts: 576 | Registered: Jun 2011
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Um, I know this will sound weird coming from a doctor but have you heard of the concept called "pump and dump?" It's what we tell new mothers to do when they want to have a little wine. Or don't dump if you want a kid to sleep well!

Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2238 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

We take our kids to the shooting range too, and often that ends up being about them, and I don't really get a chance to to shoot my 9mm's. That's why I like to go alone!! If H is with me, he is always telling me how to get better, which I find highly annoying.

I hope you have a great A trip. Time alone with each other is invaluable.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I'm a junk shopper. I love to visit "antique" stores looking for treasures I can screw around with. Because then it gives me alone time to sand and strip and paint and be creative. I've been hunting for the perfect little dresser for months. The hunt is half the fun - and can take up a lot of time! And free to look.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6542 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 17