User Topic: 8 months out and now a miscarriage
New Member
Member # 38746
Default  Posted: 1:19 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

its been 8 months since dday and yesterday we found out our baby has died . waiting for the miscarriage to happen.......what did i do to deserve this much pain in such a little time frame? i could fill an ocean with the amount of tears i have cried these past eight months......i needed this baby so much but now it is gone..... i feel like a shell of the person i once much pain can one person handle?

Posts: 29 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 1:30 AM, August 4th (Sunday)



Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 1:31 AM, August 4th (Sunday)


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4003 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 2:11 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I am so sad to read this post.

Honestly, I have difficulty dealing with the hurt from my pretty textbook I certainly don't have the words to comfort you other then to say I am praying for you and that peace will find its way to you tonight.

I am sure more intelligent people will post to you...but I see it is 2 am where I am at and didn't think many people are on at this hour...and I felt compelled to try to comfort you...try and help you for a few moments anyway. Do you have a counselor working with you guys? a pastor you can call? There are prayer hotlines that are free.

I talk a lot when I am anxious...thus the longish post with not much content.

God be with you.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 2:16 AM, August 4th (Sunday)]

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4003 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 2:16 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I'm so, so sorry Tear {hugs}

BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1022 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:34 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

(((HUGS))) I am so sorry. There are no words to convey how much.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 40125
Default  Posted: 2:38 AM, August 4th (Sunday)


I have no words to describe how sorry I am. If I could take any of your pain on me I would. Just know that there are people thinking about you right now and sending you love.

I know absolutely nothing about you but if you need someone to talk to, PM me, I am at work until 5:30 am est with absolutely nothing to do.


Me: BS 40
Her: WS 32
Kids: 3,6
A1 - Summer 2009 PA, 2009-2011 Incomplete or False R
A2 - 2012-2013 EA
Status: NC AP, MC & R

Posts: 57 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:01 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I'm so very sorry for your loss Tear.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5134 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
brainless twit
Member # 12085
Default  Posted: 3:08 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

Praying that you receive comfort... I can't imagine and I am so, so sorry.


"Sometimes I guess there just aren't enough rocks." --Forrest Gump

D-Day 8/7/06
Divorced 12/14/09
R Began 5/21/11
D-Day #2 7/9/13 (OW #2 is OW #1's first cousin)
Limbo? I don't even know if that's what this is.

Posts: 1541 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Kentucky
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I am so sorry.

I know it is so hard but try and take care of yourself, one day at time.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1361 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 39891
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet baby. I have have lost a child. I understand the pain so I will share in your grief. I remember it hurting so bad that my heart felt like it was going to break open. I have since learned that death is indiscriminate. Time will heal and you will get through this prayers to you....

Posts: 108 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 6:29 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I am so sorry.

Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 955 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers for you.

ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, August 4th (Sunday)


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 38059 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, August 4th (Sunday)


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3124 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Member # 40102
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I am so sorry for you. Truly. I hope you have found a good therapist. These set backs are the heavy lifting in life so don't try and cope alone, or only with a partner you may still have trust issues with. Surround yourself with as much support as you can get. Your OB/Gyn doctor may be able to recommend a good loss counselor. Hugs from afar.

Posts: 57 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Midwest
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

condolences and prayers.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2993 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

Hugs and Prayers (((Tear))). I am so very sorry.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4134 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, August 4th (Sunday)


I am so sorry.

Posts: 35915 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, August 4th (Sunday)


I am so sorry. Please keep posting.

Their are several of us on this site who have Angel Babies. There is nothing worse than feeling you are alone in dealing with this. We are here for you.



I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5279 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

So Sorry Tear, wish I had the right words for you. (((Hugs))).

Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
New Member
Member # 39841
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I am so sorry dear. I just want you to remind something that most probably your doctor had already told "If there is a miscarriage, it is usually because the baby is not healthy" and although it hurts like hell, maybe this is better. I always believe that even when things look so bad, so unjust, there is something good in them that we just don't know. I believe in God and I cannot imagine God's trying to hurt us just for fun. Instead God is protecting us from the worse. Most of us must accept that our marriages suck and although we survive somehow our children are the ones who pay the biggest price for that so maybe God wants to save another poor child from growing up in an unhappy home.

DD: Mid April 2013
Married for 9 years
Have twins aged 3,5

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, August 4th (Sunday)


FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7694 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I'm so sorry, Tear.

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8085 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I lost my angel baby in February. I know exactly how you feel. We have already lost so much because of the affair. Why do we have to lose this, too? It feels like not only are humans against you (ie your WH) but also God. It's just not fair. My advice isto grieve. Don't stuff it. R was not going well for me before I got pregnant or after the miscarriage. I was emotionally abused and not allowed to grieve. I cried myself to sleep last night screaming I want my baby. Don't ever let anyone tell you to be thankful for what you do have and then make you feel bad because you are still sad. We aren't idiots. Yes, we know that we are lucky to have a roof over our head, food to eat, and even other children. But that doesn't make our angels any less important. It doesn't mean that our angels didn't matter.

Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1727 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, August 4th (Sunday)


My heart goes out to you.

Sending prayers and strength.

Me: BS
Him: WH

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. Please get some IC to help you get thru this time

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
solus sto
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

(((Tear))) I'm so sorry. The loss of a pregnancy, and the waiting, is so difficult.

Be gentle with yourself.

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8848 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 39709
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, August 4th (Sunday)

I am so sorry! I am crying for you right now. There really couldn't be worse timing for the loss of a baby then in the middle of dealing with the after math of an affair. Please allow yourself all the time you need to grief. I have lost a baby too. If you need to talk please pm me.

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, August 4th (Sunday)

I am so sorry. I had a missed miscarriage as well and it was a very dark time for me. Please be gentle with yourself. I am so very sorry for your loss. (((((hugs)))))

We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Member # 24261
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, August 4th (Sunday)


I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby.

There are many here who have lost a precious angel baby and our hearts and thoughts are with you now.

Now is the time to take the greatest care of yourself. Time will heal this awful painful loss but you will never forget him or her.

Hugs, peace and strength to you.

DDay - April 2008
Me - 54 and doing great. Found myself again and loving life
Him - who??

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone (Johnny Nash)

Those who stir the shit soup get to lick the spoon!

Posts: 4965 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, August 4th (Sunday)

I am so sorry. There are no words adequate to ease the pain. Just know that we are here to support you. God is with you and will be with you. Lightchaser was right, a miscarriage usually means something is wrong with the baby. This was not your fault in any way. IC could help you through grief counseling.

Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1652 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, August 4th (Sunday)


D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, August 5th (Monday)

(((hugs))) I''m so sorry. A miscarriage is such a hidious loss of hope and potential all wrapped up together.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4943 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, August 5th (Monday)


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4003 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, August 5th (Monday)

(((((tear))))))) (((((angelbaby))))))

I am so very sorry.

Talk to your angel baby...he or she hears you and will envelop you in love.

Sending strength, prayers, and huge hugs...


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,22 mo.& 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5079 | Registered: May 2007
Member # 26493
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, August 5th (Monday)


FWS: Him (38)/BS: Me (35)
DD, 9 & DS, 3
D-Day: 3.22.09 EA admitted
OW:a very sad, pathetic excuse for a woman.
Status: Forgiven
"Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy."

Posts: 118 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Oh Tear...I am so sorry and my heart breaks for you. Sending you love and prayers.

I hope you find some comfort in the following.

(((many hugs)))

God bless.

A Mother's Prayer

In this time of loss I call upon my spirit within to guide me to my strength so that I may find peace and completion.

I will use this strength to demand of myself and others my need to grieve completely, for this will be my first step to healing.

During my time of grief I will seek guidance not only from my inner spirit but from loving persons who may offer wisdom and comfort.

I need to understand that the soul as well as the physical body needs healing and to pay attentio to this. I will learn to accept that the soul may never heal completely.

I will learn to live not in fear and once again see beauty in my world and purpose in my existence.

In spite of my new knowledge that things happen that cannot be controlled, I must call upon the places within me that tell me I do have control over much of my life and use this control to aid my healing.

Let me recognize the gift in my ability to conceive and carry life however briefly.

Let me take joy in my ability to love so deeply and desire to nurture a soul unbeknownst to me.

Let me find healing in the belief that this soul knew my love for it and that that love helped it to pass to another place.

Let me honor this short life not only with my love but in finding meaning in its existence.

Let me recognize this meaning in not only my ability to survive, but in my fullest appreciation of all the moments motherhood will bring me, along with my deeper compassion and sisterhood to other women who've experienced loss.

Let a part of this soul be reflected in the spirit of my future children, born or adopted, so that I may know it through them.

I will listen to and trust the place in my deepest heart that tells me I will once again be reunited with this soul and will fulfill the need to hold it in my arms.

I will help myself to feel comfort in the knowledge that there is a star in heaven that belongs to me.

[This message edited by 1Faith at 5:54 PM, August 5th (Monday)]

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1206 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage shortly before exwh started his A. It still makes me sad but you will get through it. Allow yourself time to grieve. I got pregnant the next month after the miscarriage and I realize now that I never thoroughly healed. Give yourself time to completely heal.


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.

Posts: 651 | Registered: Jan 2012
Topic Posts: 39