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User Topic: Why does this bother me?
fireproof
Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I have a friend I have known close to 20 years. I stood by her when everyone lost touch of her. She stopped calling people. Fast forward 7 years and I no matter what always call her because she has a rough time of things and I care. We check in etc. She is very bright but quits every job she has and doesn't see what will happen if she doesn't have a job- now granted her jobs are stressful.

The thing is I care about her but 6 months ago I called her and she never responded and I card again assuming she was not feeling well and worried. She wrote back that she can't talk due to her life and she would be in touch. Ok so I left it but last month hadn't heard and I am one of her only friends and she doesn't respond - just told her if she needed anything etc. There have been a lot of changes on my end and I have an off feeling about her end.

I don't know why I feel this way but as much as I have been there which she has stated I understand her needing time but what if I did and I don't really need her support. Is she actually a good friend?

Most of the others think she is self absorbed but I know she isn't in her heart. She just can't handle life.

Do I just let it go and stop checking in with her? Is that being a good friend on my part? I guess I would be hurt because when things are better or she needs me she will write and she would have missed major times in my life.

I don't know maybe it is just feeling hurt.


Posts: 985 | Registered: Jul 2012
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

I've had the same thing happen to me. My very best friend from the time I was 14 and I lost touch. She was in a car accident in college, has some major FOO issues, and started dropping off the radar post college. She would "poof" for a few months, then it would be 6 months, then come back strong because she "felt better", then poof again for 6 or 9 months.

She was there for me when my father passed away several years ago...hopped on a plane and stood by me. But then poofed again.

She didn't return any phone call, never returned any letter or Christmas card...nothing. Nothing for several years now.

I felt bad "giving up", but there is something mentally off on her end that I can't fix. I still miss her and think about her, but I can't fix her.

I had to let go...


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4153 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
hurtinky
Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, August 4th (Sunday)

Let it go.

If she shows back up, be careful.

Who needs this???


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
fireproof
Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, August 4th (Sunday)

Thanks- I just didn't want to feel like I abandon her but good friends keep in touch no matter the situation good or bad.

I am going to let it go. Thank you!


Posts: 985 | Registered: Jul 2012
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, August 4th (Sunday)

People have different ways of coping, or maybe not coping, in this situation. Isolating herself may be her way, I've done it sometimes since DDay but never to that extreme.

I agree - you go with your life. You've let her know you're there - that's all you can do. You're a good friend fireproof - but there's only so much you can do.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4560 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
CluelessGuy
Member
Member # 28491
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, August 5th (Monday)

That's not much of a friend on her end, fireproof. Let it go.


BH - early 40s
XWW - early 40s
Two kids

D-Day - Easter 2010
D-Day 2 - July 18, 2010

Divorced - Nov. 26, 2012


Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2010
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, August 5th (Monday)

I don't think you're abandoning her. I think she already abandoned her.

If she comes back, it's okay to be there, but for now, I think you need to let it go.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13753 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 7