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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Trying to move on
sunsetslost
Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, August 4th (Sunday)

My WW gave me the greatest gift she could have by announcing she has no intention of breaking off her affair. In fact she's with him right now. I can't speak for her but I believe she didn't have the courage to work on our marriage. She has been unhappy for a while but there is no excuse for what she's putting me through. I can focus my attention on myself and my future.

I have done everything imaginable to make things cordial and easy on her these three weeks. I began to look into separating the assets and I told her what she owes to "the cause" and what's left over. She didn't like that very much but we agreed to a settlement that meant I would do all the work and give her money every week for day to day. Then this morning I saw a 100 dollar withdrawal in the joint checking account. It was from a Western Union. She is sending this ass money. I handed her a 100 dollar bill, wrote her a check for half of the checking account and demanded her ATM and credit cards. She was FURIOUS. I told her I have no intention of financing half of her affair. I think since I did nothing wrong and have been pretty civil about the whole thing she chose to take my actions as an attack to justify her actions.

We've emailed since and she says she will not screw me in the mortgage, but is negotiating about utility bills and cable. So selfish. She's lucky I'm being this nice. But she has no access to any of "our" money now.

As soon as we sell this house I'm moving to the beach. She wants out and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It's for the best. It'll be hard for a while but I can almost smell the salt air.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 749 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
devistatedmom
Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, August 4th (Sunday)

I wouldn't say you are trying to move on, it sounds like you are moving on. Good for you for keeping business separate from your emotions. Yep, money is now separated. Get that house on the market, and get everything done with the finances.

When I sep the finances, my xh thought yippee! He had his own cash! Then he figured out how much things costs. All of a sudden, I was a bitch out to ruin him. Um, nope. That's reality.

Keep going sunsetlost. That beach is right around the corner.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5485 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, August 5th (Monday)

We've emailed since and she says she will not screw me in the mortgage, but is negotiating about utility bills and cable. So selfish. She's lucky I'm being this nice. But she has no access to any of "our" money now.
I wouldn't count on her holding to her word. Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

((((sunsetslost))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25343 | Registered: Aug 2011
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, August 18th (Sunday)

I'm learning to be weary-to the extreme-of things Nearly Exh says about money. He's done the "crazy making" thing for such a long time that I'm getting used to it, but money is kind of a black and white thing. Even if it's hidden, it can be uncovered, over time.

A hard lesson to learn has been that he will say one thing to me, no matter what the mode of transport for the words, all the while another -the action itself-thing is going on and he thinks not only is this ok, but he thinks I'm na´ve and won't catch it.

You're some steps ahead of me, as there have been too many changes for me to process, but kudos for separating what you can already.

It does sound like you're moving on, and I'm glad you're questioning her and hopefully not just accepting the words anymore.

FWIW for empathy, I've seen some of the spending reports and am sick to my stomach thinking that Nearly ExH spent money on Floozy and the A while we not only suffered, but have been close to financially losing the house.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 4