Just Found Out
User Topic: six weeks later after dday
New Member
Member # 39797
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Well i am just so pissed right now. I have started divorce precedings. he moved into an apartment on August 1. I hacked into his phone bill (as we have seperated those now ) and low and behold he started talking to his 21 year old again the day before he moved out. i knew it would happen just the confirmation of it was like his betrayal hitting me all over again. Thank god for my family and friends to keep me occupied. i am doing the 180 for myself and also IC. i just dont understand what the fuck has happened to the last ten years of my life and the man who is SOOOOOO not the man i am about to divorce....

Posts: 16 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, August 5th (Monday)

At least you know a few things for certain now.

You know you tried, you gave it your best. You know that he can't be trusted, and that you won't be wasting any more of your love, support, and time on him. You know that when all is said and done, that you will come out stronger, and more awesome than before all of this.

I know D is just as rough as R, but there is a light at the end of your tunnel now.

((((and strength))))

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8717 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I'm sorry, Hasslesmom.

Endlessly I've thought the same things.

The thing is, at least now you know, right? No more will you be anyone's fool and from this moment on, you can begin to start your life over...on fresh terms and you can have it be whatever you want.

FWIW, one thing that really helped me is whittling down the contact I had with nearly Exh so that I couldn't know what he's doing anymore. It took a long time and a lot of agony, but I find it helps. I don't want to know where he lives, who is in his life, what he does when he's not working, what his phone bill is though I could...I deleted facebook and other SN's (social networks) and it really, really helps. I found the connections helped a kind of OCD I had going on where I would almost manically look for things he was doing and was sometimes hearing from people what he was doing or where he was-I can't stand to know, now.

There's no doubt anymore, you just know. I hope 180 goes well and slowly but surely, you can move on.

If there's a way to get yourself to stop checking records, it really does takes time to let go of doing, but is worth it.

Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2289 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, August 5th (Monday)


The thing is, at least now you know, right? No more will you be anyone's fool and from this moment on, you can begin to start your life over...on fresh terms and you can have it be whatever you want.

I find I am in a place where I don't even care what he's doing or who he is with...I know right now he is suffering because he finally "gets" that he is losing me.
Maybe someday your WS will be at that place too.
Until then, forward march and one foot in front of the other.

I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 40347
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

I think your last sentence is what hits us all like bricks. These are not the spouses we once knew. Something inside them changed, and caused/enabled them to cheat. I don't think on our wedding day, they thought about it, so somehow over time, they changed into someone we don't know, and really don't want to know. I don't want to hang out with a cheater. I don't approve of the behavior, and it is destructive and yes, I do look down on them for what they engage in. How to get past it, is the real miracle. I am still working on this, and hope to forgive, probably never forget what he did. I wish the same for you, hugs and happiness.

The grass isn't greener on the other side, it is greener where you water it.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 5