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User Topic: today would have been 18 years
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Around this time of year I get really cranky and have a kind of blowout with either my kids or friends, and I did, but resolved it.

I never realize that the date is coming up and until I then see "oh".

Anyway, its a thing of the past, but the day will always stick in my head.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, August 5th (Monday)

Do you think at this point, when you are 8 years out from the divorce, thank god I didn't waste 8 more years with him? Or are you still nostalgic and missing him?

I'm 5 years out and I have a few 'missing-him' moments, but I am starting to realize the miracle of divorce. Who would have ever thought I would equate that Armageddon of the dissolution of our marriage with 'miracle'. But it occurred to me that I've been saved from what could have been an even longer marriage to a man that was emotionally stunted.

Whatever way it is, hugs to you:
((((C4It))))


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5872 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, August 5th (Monday)

I never had one of those marriages where it was horrible. It wasn't like the 5 year relationship I had later on that I can say 'oh thank god I am out of that now'. So, its not that. And its not missing him anymore. Its just me thinking it really COULD have been 18 years if he didn't decide to make the choice he made when he met his now wife. Would it have been happy still? Who knows. After the affair, thing may have NEVER been the same because he's very anti-counseling and I don't think he or I would have moved passed it.

There is always a bitterness in my heart about what could have been and how much better my boys lives could have been.

But now is now and I've done the best that I can do as a single parent.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, August 5th (Monday)

(((click)))

Posts: 36046 | Registered: Mar 2011
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

ty jo....you are always so sweet.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

duplicate reply

[This message edited by click4it at 12:47 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)]


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

My 18th is in a few weeks...because I'm still not divorced yet (filing in a few weeks...thought about filing ON my anniversary!)

So, I feel ya. It makes me more...sad...than grumpy. I will probably always remember the date because we purposefully chose it to be close to my birthday.

I'm assuming one day I will forget.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4187 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

(((clicks)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17906 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

(((((CME))))))

I didn't file for a divorce for 2 years I believe and we weren't divorced until 4 years after d-day. Its a hard step to take. I feel for you, especially since its close to your birthday as well.

You will never forget the day, but as time goes on you won't even notice the day is coming around the corner until maybe a day before or on the day of and then you'll say "oh today is THAT day", but it will just be a memory and that's it.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

ty Jrazz.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I am not divorced yet, but next time our anniversary rolls around it will be 25 years/26 knowing him.

I am feeling the grief now, going thru the emotions of letting it go and yet sometimes I still think if I am making the right choice because he wants to R right now.

Anyway, this was about YOU! So....take good care. Here is hoping you pass the day by next time with no thoughts.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

((((torn))))

It really does take an enormous amount of time...especially when the divorce has not been final yet and there is a possibility of an R. I can understand the torn feelings you are experiencing. Just remember to think about what YOU want, not only what he wants.

We are here for you.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Griefstricken25
Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 2:08 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

My "would have been" 14th will be next week. And I just realized it would have been the 14th on the 14th. That would have been cool.

I'm SO glad he is not in my life, and I feel like God rescued me from a lifetime of misery with that man, but I feel generally sad about it, knowing most people in my life are IN happy marriages, getting to celebrate year after year of anniversaries, and feeling the sadness for what my kids will never have.

I'll never forget the day, either.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

(((((GRIEF))))))


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Mommato4
Member
Member # 15906
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

((((click))))

My would be 18th is coming up in a few weeks. My dad and stepmom have the same anniversary day (married a year after me) so it's kind of there reminding me. It's weird.

It's been 5 years since the D which was finalized 5 days after my b-day so it's somewhat of a reminder around my b-day. I'm getting better at forgetting though.


Updated 2014:
BS-me 41
XH-doesn't matter
4 kids
Divorced-7/25/08

SO-5 years together-he decided to end it by cheating too


Posts: 1379 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PNW country
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

It's amazing how strong seasonal triggers can be. Maybe next year plan a fabulous trip and start making more positive associations to replace the bad.

(((click)))


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3472 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, August 8th (Thursday)

(((momma)))

It does totally get easier...I think it just stay in the back of the mind somehow. Because I honestly don't notice the day is coming and I get really really in a bad mood and then I see what day it is.

Cres - I do plan vacations around that day and have for a few years - and again I think I have done that without realizing it.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, August 8th (Thursday)

I just "had" my 25th and I know what you mean. I don't miss ex-asshat at all but I guess I miss what could have been. 25 is a pretty big milestone and I'm at an age where I probably won't get that with anyone else.

Big smooches to you, girl.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15420 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

ty wild.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Topic Posts: 19