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The Book Club
User Topic: The Love Dare
Jennifer99
Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 1:22 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Has anyone here used it? Tried it? I do not know if my marriage is salvageable but I thought I would try it to grow unconditional love regardless of the marriage outcome. Almost like a 180 but for others. There is also one for parents. That might be more worth the money but I started with the marriage one. Gets here Thursday.

Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I had completely forgton about this book until you mentioned it. Yes I did do it for about.. 3 days? Wasn't helpful for me at all sorry.

I found books like 'the art of marriage' to be more interesting and engaging which made me enact those changes.

Hope this helps


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Jennifer99
Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Thank you Lauren. I will look for it.

Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
tigrislilium
Member
Member # 39893
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

This book sounded like such a good idea. It goes with a movie (Christian-based starring Kirk Cameron) called "Fireproof". The movie was quite moving for a woman like me - it was given to me to watch by a neighbor who swore by it.

Just like the movie, the book is based on giving up YOUR OWN expectations of how your SO should treat you, and makes you focus instead on how YOU should treat THEM - and in so doing, it will make them WANT to treat YOU better. It indeed is a powerful reminder to be the best YOU that you can be.

BUT

If you are the BS, a lot of times there's nothing you are going to do to "woo" your WS into giving up their affair partners. By the time there's a third party involved in your marriage, the measures outlined in this book would most likely just seem like cheap tricks to get your WS to pick you over the AP.

I didn't know my WH was cheating at the time my neighbor gave me the book, but as I flipped through it and after having watched the movie, I realized there was NO WAY I could treat my husband (didn't know he was cheating at the time) the way the book outlined. It gives you a 40 day plan (just like Jesus 40 days in the wilderness fasting and "battling" the devil, I guess...) - a different thing to do every day to both treat your spouse better/with higher respect or esteem, and to get YOU to see things in yourself that you could change to affect positive changes in your marriage. My marriage was so messed up at that point that I knew I couldn't GIVE my all to that book - it would have meant showing my husband respect, which I very much didn't feel at that time.

Fast forward less than a year: I find out the neighbor who gave that book to me is one of the women having an affair with my husband...

People never cease to amaze me in their denial - myself included...

Good for you for trying it out - it's worth looking at, but don't beat yourself up if it's not something you can complete.


Me: BS, early 40s/ Him: WS, mid 40s
Married 2004
DD7
His affairs: 3 LTAs over at least 5 years, all of them overlapping at the time I found out
DDay: December 2011
Separated ~1 yr, recently reunited
attempting R

Posts: 57 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: East coast
Topic Posts: 4