My FWH and I have made amazing progress and are actively R. (I have decided that, for me at least, R is an on-going process, not a destination). We don't talk about the A much anymore, but from time to time things come up, I still ask some questions. This weekend, I had a small trigger and in the discussion that ensued, FWH told me that he always told OW that he loved me, never denied it when she asked (which she apparently did often). I wondered who puts up with that kind of treatment?
The answer is, probably me, before I went through all of this. I have realized that I have come out of this mess a lot stronger. Before this process, if my FWH had come home one day and told me that he was in love with another woman and he was unsure about his feelings for me, I think I would have equivocated. I relied on him too much in the past. I would have given him some time to figure himself out, to discover what he really wanted. I would have been afraid to live my life without him. I would have been timid and would have waited around, hoping for him to choose me. I would have tried to love him back to the M.
Today? Ha! I truly believe that if he were to show up at home tonight and say something like that, I would not hesitate to show him the door. I know now that I am strong and could live my life on my own. I am confident. If he does not want me, he is the loser. I would not waste one minute trying to change his mind about his feelings for me. I would be sad, yes, but not totally destroyed. I would know what to do and how to get through it.
I have learned so much through IC, MC and SI! Thank you to everybody who has participated in making SI such a fabulous place--educational and supportive. I hope I never need to use the knowledge that I have gained, but if I do, I am ready. I feel so much better about myself than I did before, despite the time I spent asking myself what was wrong with me that my H had to go out and have an A. (The answer, of course, is nothing! I am great--he was the one with the problem.)
To those of you who are struggling, please know that you can come out on the other side stronger. From reading from time to time in S/D, I think you can come out stronger whether you R or not. Hugs to everybody traveling this difficult path and thank you for traveling it with me.