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User Topic: I have come out on the other side stronger
hopingforhappy
Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

My FWH and I have made amazing progress and are actively R. (I have decided that, for me at least, R is an on-going process, not a destination). We don't talk about the A much anymore, but from time to time things come up, I still ask some questions. This weekend, I had a small trigger and in the discussion that ensued, FWH told me that he always told OW that he loved me, never denied it when she asked (which she apparently did often). I wondered who puts up with that kind of treatment?

The answer is, probably me, before I went through all of this. I have realized that I have come out of this mess a lot stronger. Before this process, if my FWH had come home one day and told me that he was in love with another woman and he was unsure about his feelings for me, I think I would have equivocated. I relied on him too much in the past. I would have given him some time to figure himself out, to discover what he really wanted. I would have been afraid to live my life without him. I would have been timid and would have waited around, hoping for him to choose me. I would have tried to love him back to the M.

Today? Ha! I truly believe that if he were to show up at home tonight and say something like that, I would not hesitate to show him the door. I know now that I am strong and could live my life on my own. I am confident. If he does not want me, he is the loser. I would not waste one minute trying to change his mind about his feelings for me. I would be sad, yes, but not totally destroyed. I would know what to do and how to get through it.

I have learned so much through IC, MC and SI! Thank you to everybody who has participated in making SI such a fabulous place--educational and supportive. I hope I never need to use the knowledge that I have gained, but if I do, I am ready. I feel so much better about myself than I did before, despite the time I spent asking myself what was wrong with me that my H had to go out and have an A. (The answer, of course, is nothing! I am great--he was the one with the problem.)

To those of you who are struggling, please know that you can come out on the other side stronger. From reading from time to time in S/D, I think you can come out stronger whether you R or not. Hugs to everybody traveling this difficult path and thank you for traveling it with me.


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1264 | Registered: Aug 2010
justdoit
Member
Member # 25898
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Bravo! Well said - I feel the same way


Me - 60
WH - 67
Married 35 years
DDay - 5/14/09
He's reconciled, I'm in limbo.
"Stuck in the middle with you"

Posts: 155 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Rocky Mountains
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Well so far this situation has made me nothing but stronger. I feel like I have lived through the worst abuse and humiliation of my life and I made a comeback

I hope to continue to get stronger and healthier with or without WH!


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Lonelygirl10
Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Happy for you!

How in the world did you reach this point though? The person you describe is who I want to be. I just don't know how to get there.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Jul 2013
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

How in the world did you reach this point though? The person you describe is who I want to be. I just don't know how to get there.

Never give up on your goal

You don't realize it, but you are getting stronger everyday whether you realize it or not.

The easiest way I got here was to focus solely on myself and what I needed to be happy (and none of this included WH )


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Thank you!!!


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 6