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User Topic: I know the AP
ArableSands
Member
Member # 39830
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

(I hate "Affair Partner" -- too damned romantic sounding. Maybe "Colluding Asshole. Yeah. I'll go with CA instead of AP.)

I know the CA. The CA befriended me. Drank my beer. Sat in my house. Watched TV with my wife and I. Hung around my kids.

I know where he works and roughly where he lives. I can find him at his workplace very easily. He teaches at a post-secondary institution. I could call his faculty Dean and tell him that one of his lecturers nearly destroyed a marriage with two little kids because he couldn't keep his hands off a married woman. Alternatively, I could just wait until one of his classes empties out and walk in and take care of business. There is a part of me that would happily do jail time for a chance to give him a reason to get dental surgery done and also enjoy the feeling of having multiple casts applied. I've been in fights before and still remember how to win, and add to that the fact that I'm bigger, stronger, younger and much, much angrier I don't doubt I would wipe the floor with his face.

It's probably a good thing that I'm suppressing so much anger right now. Neither my wife nor I are ready to cope with it, and it wouldn't be productive.


Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vancouver, Canada
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I know AP also, but I prefer to call her "The Troll." She also has been to my home on a few occasions, knows my children, babysat them . I went to her wedding, bought shower and baby gifts for her, sent her recipes she asked for after smelling WH's leftovers at work. We've exchanged FB PMs in the past. It makes me sick to my stomach, and because I knew her I want an apology. I'm not a no-name nobody to her, I've known her for 4 years, I deserve an apology.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
ArableSands
Member
Member # 39830
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

OC, you deserve an apology. A long, intricate, heartfelt one with lots of sobbing and grovelling.

I don't want apology from the CA. Just a whole lot of his blood on a cement floor.

But that's just my angry talking.


Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vancouver, Canada
LadyQ
Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I hear ya, Arable! I found proof of 4, and I knew 3 of them. Yeah, all three of those spent time in my home or in my presence. Just shows how sick those people really are.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Wink  Posted: 5:15 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

The AP's are just as big liars and cheats as the WS.

It is easier to hate them because we have so much more vested in our WS. They weren't ever supposed to lie to us or hurt us, right?

I am all for contacting the AP/CA if you need to do so for your peace of mind.

But I wouldn't expect a sincere apology and even if you did get one would it mean anything?

They knowingly went into a relationship head on with your spouse. They are only sorry their fantasy bubble was popped. Their apology is meaningless. It's not like they accidentally stepped on your toe. They messed around knowingly with your spouse.

And Arable...I think we all have fantasies about the best revenge possible...
But they aren't worth jail time. They've taken enough from you. Don't give them the satisfaction of a restraining order.

If they are married, best to tell their spouse.

Either way, karma is a bitch. They'll get theirs in due time. That I have no doubt.

Good luck and focus on you, you are so much better.

[This message edited by 1Faith at 5:16 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)]


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1143 | Registered: Apr 2013
musiclovingmom
Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I knew two of my H's 5 OW. I knew them well (both for 20 years). I'm a teacher, so we talked about their kids' struggles in school. One of them dated my ex husband (while she was sleeping with my current). One of them moved back home partly because we talked her into it. We took her out with us, introduced her to our friends, met for lunch, took day trips to a neighboring city together, she babysat my baby before he was even 6 months old (and also, while she was sleeping with my H). It's maddening. It's sickening. I used to dream of revenge in vivid colors often, now, not so much. I used to want an apology, but now I don't. I know enough about them both to know it would be phony and intended only to relieve their own guilt. I don't want to give them that satisfaction. Almost a year in. The anger still comes and goes, but it isn't as drastic or often. As for actually hurting them, it's not just jail time, but involving the legal system would tie me to them for years in ways that I don't have to be now. I certainly don't want to have to answer questions to a potential employer in years about why I have a criminal record. By then, they will be distant memories that I will never have to drudge up if I don't want to.

Posts: 1076 | Registered: Jan 2013
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I know who the AP is and would LOVE to let her know what a c*ntbag I think she is, how her actions and selfishness have contributed to instability in my family, and a host of other stuff I'd love to express. But I don't want her for a second to think she has any power over me or this situation. I'm the one with the power now - the power to walk away from this when I want.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 895 | Registered: Jun 2013
EasyDoesIt
Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I really like "Colluding Asshole." Just sayin


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3692 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I remember feeling blood-on-cement angry for along time.

What kept me sane was looking at sweet DD's face and committing to bring good energy to her life to combat all the crap.

Hugs to all. Keep it in the fantasy realm - they are not worth your time or energy.

(((Us)))


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17328 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
ArableSands
Member
Member # 39830
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Given the CA is in a teaching position at a post-secondary institution, do any of you think it's appropriate that I notify his employer?

Because seeing his old treacherous ass fired at the age of 61 would crack me the hell up. No one would hire him at that age.


Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vancouver, Canada
Sal1995
Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

(I hate "Affair Partner" -- too damned romantic sounding. Maybe "Colluding Asshole. Yeah. I'll go with CA instead of AP.)

Works for me. Accurately describes the piece of human debris who dedicated almost a month of his life into sweet-talking my wife into an affair that almost destroyed her marriage and our intact family. I guess the opportunity for responsibility-free sex with a woman that some other guy has to support was just too good to pass up.

Given the CA is in a teaching position at a post-secondary institution, do any of you think it's appropriate that I notify his employer?

I seriously doubt that he would get fired over this. My experience is that no one really cares that much what someone does in their personal life, as long as it doesn't affect them directly. However, if your goal is to embarrass this guy a little by making him have to address this issue with his superior, why not. But I wouldn't get my hopes up about a firing, unless the affair violated some school policy. If it did, hell yes go for it.


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1387 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
TxsT
Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Arable....

Stop and first ask yourself these two questions

1) Am I feeling this way only to get revenge or do I think it will really make a difference in my journey.

2) Will calling the employer and exposing the A really help you on your journey? I know getting even will feel good, but is this who you really are? I believe you will feel good for about 15 minutes and then feel like a complete shit.

I too have been where you are today. I even took a plane to a different country, hired a car and almost walked into the OW office to have it out with her. I had to turn around about 4 blocks from my destination because I had a panic attack and threw up. I couldn't stop shaking I was angry and I knew there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to let her see what she had done and gloat or revel in it. I went to lunch with an old friend instead who knew what my plan had been and tried to stop me. She was relieved that I changed my mind.

I do hold the trump card of calling my husbands old employer and divulging the A. The OW would loose her job immediately because I have proof she used her traveling and expense account inappropriately to continue the A. I have not yet pulled that plug. I have however told my husband that if at any time we stop moving forward I will follow through with this. For now though I use the trump card to give me power to work hard at my R.

Please just think about what it is you want to accomplish here.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
TxsT
Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

oh and I call my the narcassistic, delusional bitch :o)


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Feel the rage. Really. Feel it all the way. Don't suppress it. Don't ACT on it. Like, duh, right?

While I am big proponent of exposing, I don't know that exposing to the CA employer would be relevant to them. Unless your wife is a student or a coworker of his? Otherwise, I don't think it will have the impact you are looking for.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6442 | Registered: Jan 2011
LadyQ
Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Whether CA gets fired or not largely depends on if he broke any sort of contract he has. Most times, unless he works for a religious entity and there is a morality clause or it's a case of fraternization (she's also an employee) there isn't any reason for them to fire him. Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
Jospehine85
Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Out him to his employer. WHy not?

If I had found out any of my employees were dishonest enough to have an affair, I would have looked for the first opportunity to replace them. If they can be dishonest on that level, they are definitely dishonest enough to steal postage, office supplies, forge time cards, cheat on travel expenses, etc.

If they can't show respect or loyalty to the institution of marriage, they certainly aren't going to be capable of loyalty to an employer.

You may not get immediate gratification ArableSands, but his employer and coworkers will definitely see him in a different light. They won't trust him, rightfully so, and will be in a better position to protect themselves from any more of his deceitful ways.

I do believe in shaming the unremorseful waywards in to behaving.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 852 | Registered: Jun 2012
HurtButHopeful?
Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

Given the CA is in a teaching position at a post-secondary institution, do any of you think it's appropriate that I notify his employer?

There was a day when a university or college cared about such things. Now, they don't care. CA has probably done it many times, and so have many of them. Morality isn't something that is relevant in institutions of higher education, it is actually frowned upon as "antiquated."

Please don't do anything that would put yourself in jeopardy. Do you have a punching bag you could work some of that anger on? Imagine you are catching him in a dark alley alone, then take it out on the punching bag.

eta: If CA is tenured, the dean will most certainly look the other way. He may be making a lot of money for the university, in which case, he is looked at like a god. Plus, they are all adults. It is not like your WW was a teenager, and he was her high school teacher.

Sorry your WW cheated, and sorry there was a schmuck around to help her out.

[This message edited by HurtButHopeful? at 6:39 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)]


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Whatdoido333
Member
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I know the AP too. She's been to my house, babysat or my daughter, we've been out to dinner together and she still calls, texts and accepts calls from my WH. She told me he wanted to be more than a friend to her. Apparently he keeps or kept asking if they could have a relationship. She kept saying you are married. Yet, that didn't stop her from calling texting and accepting his calls. I just don't get it....I give up

Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2012
Snowy
Member
Member # 14028
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I don't want apology from the CA. Just a whole lot of his blood on a cement floor.

I can understand this, but if you do this you will just make a bad situation worst. Can I suggest you go to the gym and belt the crap out of a punching bag.

Given the CA is in a teaching position at a post-secondary institution, do any of you think it's appropriate that I notify his employer?

I seen comments of this type plenty of times on this forum. In my opinion, this is a total waste of time and doesn't achieve anything.

As a BS, we are looking at seeking some sort of revenge on the AP. This is a normal response.

I believe the reality is, unless some one is doing something illegal or it is affecting their work performance, employers will not get involved in an employees private life.

Marriages are entered into voluntarily. One person doesn't own the other person. Unfortunately marriages do fold. It is a part of life. No one can not make someone stay married to some one. Is this also what you trying to do by telling the employer?


Posts: 157 | Registered: Mar 2007
Snowy
Member
Member # 14028
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I don't want apology from the CA. Just a whole lot of his blood on a cement floor.

I can understand this, but if you do this you will just make a bad situation worst. Can I suggest you go to the gym and belt the crap out of a punching bag.

Given the CA is in a teaching position at a post-secondary institution, do any of you think it's appropriate that I notify his employer?

I seen comments of this type plenty of times on this forum. In my opinion, this is a total waste of time and doesn't achieve anything.

As a BS, we are looking at seeking some sort of revenge on the AP. This is a normal response.

I believe the reality is, unless some one is doing something illegal or it is affecting their work performance, employers will not get involved in an employees private life.

Marriages are entered into voluntarily. One person doesn't own the other person. Unfortunately marriages do fold. It is a part of life. No one can not make someone stay married to some one. Is this also what you trying to do by telling the employer?


Posts: 157 | Registered: Mar 2007
Painfuljourney
Member
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)

I don't know the OW but have stalked her online. I found a H.S. picture of her. I printed it off and sent it to her with a note telling her why I thought she was ugly, her small beady eyes, her long potato face, her big nose... If I saw her in person I would probably go to jail for assault. I don't trust myself. I wrote her another note detailing the sex acts she did with my husband. He gave me details, said she giggled during sex and was loud and it was annoying, had small boobs and was very squishy (no muscle tone), a weird butt... Yes, I did. I wanted to creep her out. I went through the entire affair to her on paper according to him. No reply as of yet. I doubt she will, the coward.


BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
2married2quit
Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

I too know the AP (OM). We were friends for years. Now I can put 2&2 together and see how he always liked my W. But he was married with kids and we were too. In fact, I can look back now in hindsight and see he was jealous. Yet we were friends and had great conversations about mutual interests.

Friends do not disrespect each other's marriage! Friends do NOT take advantage of each other at their weakest! Friends don't take a friend's wife! Friends do NOT give themselves freedom to do sexual things with your WIFE! So the friendship is OVER.

However, revenge is not a good thing. His wife knows now and all hell has come over him. He has to live with the fact that he violated another home and his own. His name is spit on here (even though my W's name is spat at over there but that's okay with me).

Deleting him from our lives has been therapeutic for us. He lost 2 friends that will never have any respect for him EVER again! If I see him I'd call him a dumb ass bitch! Can't even control yourself with your friend's wife. Wow...freak'n JERK!

But I regress cause wrong for wrong will not solve anything.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1335 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Revenge  Posted: 12:21 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Given the CA is in a teaching position at a post-secondary institution, do any of you think it's appropriate that I notify his employer?

I don't know the guidelines of the school but most only prohibit co-workers/staff or students. If you wife was neither I doubt it would be grounds for dismissal.

The school's code of conduct may be on their website.

Just a thought. Is he married?


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1143 | Registered: Apr 2013
ArableSands
Member
Member # 39830
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Thanks everyone.

I did in fact sort of take up the suggestions to work out some anger and the revenge fantasy. I did military pull-ups until my collarbone felt like it was going to crack. Then jumped rope for 35 minutes. Then BEAT THE LIVING FUCK out of the old speed bag the gym has in the corner. No body bag to punch. My knuckles are badly bruised today, but strangely, I don't much care.


Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vancouver, Canada
roses303
Member
Member # 40161
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Knowing the AP is its own little circle of hell. The OW in our case was a friend for 25 years, one who roomed with me in college, set me up with my WH, was the MOH at our wedding and then when she wasn't getting what she needed from her husband, decided to go after mine. Not once but twice during the course of my marriage all the while keeping up our friendship so she could find things to use against me with him.

I went through the I want to cut the bitch phase, and the I want an apology phase, now all I want is pain and loneliness for her (although my stalking thus far has only shown that she's as happy as ever planning a 2nd honeymoon with her BS.)

She did send an apology which said basically, "I'm sorry, there is no excuse for what I did but when my marriage was hurting I turned to your husband because you never really loved him. If you had loved him you would have never treated him so badly. I hope that you someday see what a wonderful man he is and can give him what he needs. And I hope that we can once again be friends. My family misses yours." Fuck that. You don't know my life, you don't know my husband, you are not my friend and will never be again.

Feels good to vent that. It is nice to have a place like SI where I can. It is hard to tell those in real life the true extent of the pain infidelity causes.


Me: BW - 46
Him: WH - 49
MOW: my BFF from college and good friend for 25 yrs
Married 14 years, 2 Tweens
DD: 5/20/13 2 year long EA/PAs (one 7 yrs ago and one this past year)
Status: day by day, in MC, working on R

Posts: 141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: roses303
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)


The only thing that got me thru the first few months after Dday, was fantasizing about various revenge plots on OW.
One of my favorite revenge fantasies is paying for a billboard , right near the entrance of where WH & OW work, with a photo of OW on it & the following: “Loves to spread her legs for married men.”

her actions and selfishness have contributed to instability in my family.

Yes, I get angry enough when I think about what she did to me, but I really lose it when I think about what she did to my kids. And, although she had never met me, she HAD met my kids, & she didn't care what it would do to them.

Either way, karma is a bitch. They'll get theirs in due time. That I have no doubt.

I so hope this is true.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1390 | Registered: Dec 2012
ILINIA
Member
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Ahh, it is so good to hear what others are saying!

Yes, I have had many ideas, but realize none may come to fruition. The OW is 23 and she caught her dad online having A with other women and hasn't spoken to him in 5 years. I have thoughts about contacting her mom, since she is a BS, and let her know that her daughter is now an OW.

The mature person in me, says the OW is a messed up kid with father issues, but on the flip side when my husband showed an interest her within 48 hours, she invited him over to her apartment, she had him sign up for a google account so they could chat at night, picked out a theme song for them, called herself his mistress and sent him a picture that had a caption that "I am away from home and I miss my mistress more than I miss my wife." All within 48 hours - I think I would have been a little hesitent as it really was an affair that lasted 5 days total from the first contact to the PA. My idiot husband didn't see ANY red flags and just thought she was really into him. She completely greased the runway.

The other dilemma is that when I randomly asked about her, one of the coworkers told me that she has her "hooks" into a manager (not my WH)....what the hell. I want to "out" the affair, but I don't know if I am emotionally ready. Sorry, I have many tangents here...

[This message edited by ILINIA at 8:43 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 465 | Registered: Jul 2013
StrongerOne
Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

My revenge fantasy involves outing the MCOW to her horrible cold hearted mother who will crush the MCOW in her own special way should she ever learn the truth. I have it all planned out...

And if MCOW ever pops back into our lives, I will follow through.


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 863 | Registered: Sep 2012
AML04
Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

OW is a co-worker of WH. They were "friends". We helped her out with her "photography" business by having her take our sons newborn photos and 6 mos family photos.
I have revenge fantasies as well. I would love to post all the "photography" I found in my H's iPhone backup on her FB photography page. Wonder how many likes she'd get for those??

Oh and just an aside if your WS has an iPhone, it's very possible all those deleted SMS attachments are really still on the phone. It's a bug that they only recently fixed but it doesn't get rid of the old stuff. I wish I could bleach my eyes to get rid of those images.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
whattheh
Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

I had revenge fantasies and wrote a letter to a school superintendent (she was school employee) which I never sent. I wanted him to know of her stalking and sending videos of herself working with school kids to a man she met on Craigslist.

I've never known such deep hate until OW. She came into my home, stalked me, left me things to find and made it personal.

I took the high road partially because she was too mentally unstable to antagonize without risking my family's safety. Bunny boiler she was.

I also drew pictures which were satirical (I didn't even mind when my fWH laughed at them.) And I used our fridge and dry erase marker to vent on. No kids in house and windex removes. I nearly went insane the first few months.

[This message edited by whattheh at 8:27 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 545 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
TxsT
Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, August 9th (Friday)

I have actually had a long texting session with my OW. Even though she felt she had done nothing wrong and was horribly upset that "I was taking away her very best friend in the whole wide world" I was able to just pound her on every issue and speak my mind 100% to her. Even if she didn't get it at the time, maybe now she has re-read what I wrote and some of it has sunk in.

I also stay in touch with her husband from time to time. We have a pact together that if our marriage fell apart we would contact the other to warn them. I no longer feel this will happen to my own marriage but I doubt he will ever feel safe. She was the one who aggressively went after my hubby, she offered herself up. Yes my hubby finally fell but she was the initiator of the line crossing suggestion.

I know this woman thinks of me often and it finally puts a smile on my face to know she can't have what she wants anymore!


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
RichieBlue46
New Member
Member # 38588
Default  Posted: 4:35 AM, August 9th (Friday)

Arable,

I know exactly how you feel.
I felt the same way when I discovered my wife was seeing a guy that we had met 2 months before.
Unfortunately, her guy, even though we're both 44, is 6'3", a firefighter, ex-military and as my wife pointed out when I went ballistic on D-Day and threatened to go and 'see him' about it:
"by all means go and confront him...he's not a violent guy and he might let you take the first swing, but he'd put you out with one punch"

That kind of stops you dead in your tracks...and you have to think about how to try and end the affair / reconcilliate in other ways.

8 months on, I'm still trying.


Posts: 15 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: UK
NeverAgain2013
Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, August 9th (Friday)

Arable, I see absolutely nothing wrong in letting his employer what a dirty old letch he is. Why keep his secret for him?

There are consequences for bad behavior, we all know this.

This would simply be one of the bad consequences he'd have to deal with. Too bad, suck it up, old man. Maybe it would teach him to think TWICE before acting like such a selfish pig again in the future.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1753 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
bionicgal
Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, August 9th (Friday)

Roses 303 -
We have similar stories, although OW and I were only friends for about 5 years, but our families were very close. Looking back I see signs that I should have seen before, but she "confessed" to fWH that she had been attracted to him for basically our whole friendship. She had a list of "dozens" of things she had noticed about him and his wonderfulness.

Bitch.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1957 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 34