Just Found Out
User Topic: How can he sleep??!!
Member # 40051
Default  Posted: 2:46 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Why is it I'M the one awake worrying all the time yet he (WS) sleeps great??!!!

This sucks

Me-BS 31
Him-FWH 37
PA sex 3-4times over three months during the EA

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:05 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Hey :)

I hear ya.

My husband used to pass out cold. I think he was so depressed he could have slept standing up.

I was so sick I couldn't sleep at all....

No answers for that one...just (((hugs)))

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3850 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 3:13 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

((Completelybroken))...what has you so worried? Are you seeing a counsellor? Sometimes it helps to talk to someone unrelated to the situation, impartial and educated....
You have come to the right place here...SI is full of people that understand how you are feeling, and what you are going through because they are either there with you or have been there....come often, post lots, read, read, read...the wisdom here is amazing....hang in there...HUGS

You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4845 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 3:26 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

((Completelybroken)) Hugs. I'm up crying in the middle of the night too. At least I had the satisfaction of waking him up to yell at him. I couldn't resist the temptation. If I'm gonna have the Mean Reds, he's gonna have them too.

Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.

Posts: 1878 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Member # 40051
Default  Posted: 3:28 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

I am worried about what the answers to my questions will be. I am worried ive been an idiot for 5 years. I am worried about how this affects my children.
Yep im in counseling and started AD yesterday.

Me-BS 31
Him-FWH 37
PA sex 3-4times over three months during the EA

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 36267
Default  Posted: 6:23 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)


You are not alone. I didn't sleep more than a half hour or eat anything for at least 6 weeks after d-day.

WH, meanwhile, was sleeping 15 hours a day. He took a nap less than an hour after OW showed up at our house to inform me about the A. I think its just a form of escape for them. When they are passed out, they don't have to look at the train wreck they caused.

Don't come around here no more
-Tom Petty

Posts: 661 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Canada
Member # 39605
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

(((hugs))) I think I may have posted this exact same thing back in June. I'm so sorry...I made damn sure he was up if I was up! :) I couldn't sleep for about a month either - after posting on here with these amazing people and getting some counseling - I'm sleeping much better - give yourself time and take short naps during the day if you can. Your whole world has just been blown apart, be kind to yourself.....and wake him up if it makes you feel better!

BW - UMBL "Unhappily Married But Looking". His most recent Yahoo chat group
Blended Family - 2nd Marriage
DDay #1 - Jan 2009
DDay #2 - June 2013

Posts: 58 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Alabama
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

I hear you. I didn't sleep much when I first found out either. Whenever I would notice her nodding off, I would shake her awake and say, "Don't you DARE sleep."

And felt totally justified. You should too. He caused this, so you shouldn't have to be miserable alone.

Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous

Posts: 2142 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

In my FWH's case, he could sleep because he had the burden lifted off of him--he had been lying and covering up and once the OW came by to disclose his secret, he was actually relieved! It took him a while to realize the extent of the damage he had done to me, but he didn't loose much sleep over it.

Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1342 | Registered: Aug 2010
New Member
Member # 39776
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

The thing I get the angriest about is that WH has been relieved of all of the burden while I now have the last 11+ years on my plate to sort through!

Sometimes I wake him up and then pretend to sleep. Petty, I know, but it makes me feel better :)

BW (me) - 40
WH (him) - 42
Children - 1 DS(9), 2 DD (6,2)
OW - married with DD (7)
DD - 7/6/13

Posts: 42 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

This used to make me so angry as well. I remember laying there, seething. I would think to myself that it must be nice. I'd also yell that obviously he didn't care that our life was now a mess.

It really does get better eventually and it is part of the process.


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."

Posts: 1566 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

This used to piss me off too! How can you make this shit sandwhich and then just doze off on the couch. Of course now I realize it's because she was drinking heavily (for her... she was drinking two drinks a night compared to now when she drinks probably two drinks a month). When she got out of the fog and stopped drinking she got to have insomnia too!

Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2261 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Yeah, I used to cry all night and (day) while he slept like a baby. What did he have to cry about he knew what he was doing all along it didn't keep him from sleeping. Why would he sleep any less because I knew? I husband was a basically selfish person and still is in many ways when it comes to this A.

Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 40210
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)


I haven't been able to sleep or eat since I found everything out on Monday. Yet it seemingly hasn't impacted H's sleep at all. I spent all last night crying while he was sleeping away. I don't get it.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Me: BS
Him: WS
Go your way,
I'll take the long way 'round,
I'll find my own way down,
As I should.

Posts: 79 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Grr Argh
Member # 40210
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Also, upon returning home in the early morning hours on Tuesday, I became so enraged at seeing H sleeping away, that I *might* have dumped a cup of ice water on his head. It *possibly* felt fantastic.

Me: BS
Him: WS
Go your way,
I'll take the long way 'round,
I'll find my own way down,
As I should.

Posts: 79 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Grr Argh
Member # 36178
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Yes. Went through that too. There seems to be one question that never gets answered to BS satisfaction...WHY? We all (most of us) seem to be left in an eternal state of "I just don't get it".

Me - BH 54 years
Her - WS 46 years
DD - 6/13/11 (2 total that i know of)
DD - 14
DD - 11
In R...The long and Winding Road

Posts: 254 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Ohio
Member # 40051
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Glad its not just me! I may steal your idea cocototo and wake him up and pretend to be asleep.... :-)

Me-BS 31
Him-FWH 37
PA sex 3-4times over three months during the EA

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 38975
Angry  Posted: 11:58 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

I wanted to bludgeon my FWH in his sleep. I couldn't eat or sleep but he slept like the dead.

Just pissed me off more.

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1219 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 40222
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

I felt the same way. I would see her take naps and sleep 10hrs at night, while I could barely close my eyes.

I feel cheating is the ultimate selfish act. The betrayed are left with nothing but pain, anxiety, depression, anger and paranoia while the cheaters are left with the fond memories of the affair.

Posts: 70 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 40075
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Same story here. Mine would drop off in a few minutes, and be out like a light for 8 hours. It probably helps them (the WS)that they have no souls or Consciousness'.
I didn't start sleeping normally again until mine hit the road for good.

Me: 47; WW: 48
2 DS: 9, 14
DDay: Jan/13
Divorced and Done!--7/13

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: KS
Topic Posts: 20