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User Topic: Marriage Contract
n0tm3
Member
Member # 37884
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Has anyone ever drawn up a marriage contract after the A? I am considering doing it. I realize I will never have the marriage I want. I still love him and want to be married. I am not willing to put myself emotionally at risk again. I just can't. The reasons he has given me for why he did it does not convince me that he will not cross the line again if he finds himself in the same emotional place. Next option is what are the minimal things I need from him as a husband. I never one to marry anyone else. I am hoping that this will help give me some peace and less disappointment
in my marriage.


Me: BS 45
Him: WH 45
DDay #1: 12/17/12; OW 47 married 23
years
DDay #2 2/1/13 EA 6 years ago for 2 weeks with a married college friend through FB
Married 18 years, together 21 years
3 kids; 7,13,16
R trying IC and MC

Posts: 246 | Registered: Dec 2012
datura222
New Member
Member # 39766
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)

I am thinking of doing this as well. My husband is a SA though....I need to feel safe in order to try and heal, and with his addiction that is very difficult for me.


In R
Dday: Father's Day 2013
We are madhatters.
Husband took a polygraph due to the risky nature of his infidelity.
Polygraphs: 1 fail, disclosure, passed 2

Posts: 44 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Bay Area CA
n0tm3
Member
Member # 37884
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, August 9th (Friday)

I have looked into in some. My husband thinks it is a great idea. He doesn't seem to understand that this is my way of distancing myself from him. I just want him to do his part of the child rearing and home maintenance. I will do my part. We can have sex once a week if he is home at the appointed time otherwise he is out of luck. I need a way to survive each day with out my thoughts wrapped around him and his affair. I am tired of thinking of him and tired of waiting for him to wake up in away that I can trust him again.


Me: BS 45
Him: WH 45
DDay #1: 12/17/12; OW 47 married 23
years
DDay #2 2/1/13 EA 6 years ago for 2 weeks with a married college friend through FB
Married 18 years, together 21 years
3 kids; 7,13,16
R trying IC and MC

Posts: 246 | Registered: Dec 2012
3Xthefool
Member
Member # 40113
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

nOtm3,

It seems that you have decided to remain in the marriage with the idea that WH will continue with his affair and the contract is simply setting some groundrules & providing you with some protective measures should he decide to leave. Almost sounds like a marriage of convenience in which you are cohabitating for the sake of the children.

Do I understand you correctly?

I would speak to a lawyer about it. It sounds like what you want is a Post-Nuptial Agreement. A lawyer should be able to tell you if that is an option in the state in which you reside.

Good luck.


Posts: 59 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New York City
SecondHelping
Member
Member # 36796
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I did not do a Post-Nup, but I drew up a 'Marriage Contract' right after DDay and I decided to R.

We reviewed it, made some changes and fWW didn't like the contract word, so we changed it to "Marriage Pledge". It talked about boundaries, consequences of broken promises, handling conflict, date nights, etc.

At least it put the items on the table and we agreed upon them. She has broken some of them since (mostly lying)and I have to remind her of the pledge, and then she gets it.

I don't think it's a legal document but it helped me/us.


D-Day 1: Feb 1990 (2 yrs into M, kissing and a hickey)
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/3 week PA)
BS 49- Me, fWW 43- Her (Amibroken)
OP- Deputy Chief of Police from the town next to us! (Age 37)
Married 25 Years, Together 28
3 Kids (17, 14, 11)

Posts: 487 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Delmarva
Topic Posts: 5