SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Just Found Out
User Topic: Sex Drive?
MsRukia
Member
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

So strange question. I have been more sexually aroused since I found out. I am so upset with him and not understanding why on earth I want sex. I havn't done it with him since before DDay. Nor do I want to cheat. I thought I read somewhere briefly that this happens to some people. Does anyone have experience with this? It's very strang to me.


BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.

Posts: 172 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
isadora
Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

What you are feeling is normal. I went through this too.

[This message edited by isadora at 8:04 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 12 yrs
2 DDs and DSs all under 10
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4509 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
Tired05
Member
Member # 39609
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

I felt the same, now I want nothing to do with sex. Not even just with my WH, I get angered at watching a movie or tv show with others having sex. Hopefully this is a phase also.


Together 6 yrs. M 4 yrs. DD born 3/1/2013.
Me: BS -- Him: 1 EA/PA (6mos), PA (MW), and 6 ONS...Been at it for almost 5 yrs. *Still slave to TT* 1st DDay- 11/24/2012,
.....OC due in August.....

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
kickboxer
Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

You're not alone, my friend.

Try googling "hysterical bonding"...you might find that this behavior is actually very normal (though not everyone experiences it) in the wake of infidelity.

I'm about 4 weeks from DD. In the beginning HB was crazy...when it ended, the sadness/depression seemed to get worse. At the moment, I find myself bouncing back and forth between wanting to be close and intimate with my husband all the time and just wanting to sit alone, crying my heart out.

Enjoy the HB...there's a good chance a gray cloud may show up one day soon, and life is too short not to bask in the sunshine while you can.


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Probably due to a big drop in your serotonin levels. That makes you hyper sexual. Had same thing ... Definitely neede Rx for AD after 2 months.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
MsRukia
Member
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

Well I asked more questions and got more answers about the affair. Blah I am going to continue abstaining. I just keep picturing him with OW.
Hmm might have to employ a toy this evening.


BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.

Posts: 172 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
TS68
Member
Member # 40211
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

I also just want sex. In my mind my H is straying bc I have not provided enough. In my case my WH is having an EA, which he denies. But I suspect it could be a PA, but have no proof. So instinctually I 'suck him dry' so to speak, so I prevent a PA.

Lame, I know. Defense mechanism. Plus, I have made the sex all about me for once. About time. At least you are not going out and F#%*!ing some other dude.


Married 20 years

Posts: 230 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
Orbiter
New Member
Member # 40226
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)

I have been feeling the same thing. I think it is more pronounced since I recently came out to my WG about a kink I have.

I guess HB combined with a desire to explore this is making me nuts. I thought I was crazy, good to see I am not alone :)


Posts: 3 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
brainless twit
Member
Member # 12085
Default  Posted: 2:31 AM, August 8th (Thursday)

I went through it the first time and I think this time around it's worse. He's not interested in sex at all - I guess I'm not as skilled/exciting as the much younger OW - so I ordered a ton of "implements" and I'm good to go.


"Sometimes I guess there just aren't enough rocks." --Forrest Gump

D-Day 8/7/06
Divorced 12/14/09
R Began 5/21/11
D-Day #2 7/9/13 (OW #2 is OW #1's first cousin)
Limbo? I don't even know if that's what this is.


Posts: 1541 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Kentucky
bionicgal
Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, August 8th (Thursday)

Nearly 2 months out, and I am still there. It has actually been very helpful for me/us, and healing as well. It does make for some crazy-making feelings, but for us it has been a godsend.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2065 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Painfuljourney
Member
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, August 8th (Thursday)

We had sex daily for the past month about 4 days after me finding out everything. I just felt the need to have sex with him. To reconnect. I also felt like this was a need that I had that he NEVER met with me for our 24 year marriage. He was in the habit of masturbation rather than being with me. We maybe had sex a few times a year before DD. I also find I've been looking at porn and masturbating a ton. I just can't get enough sex. He knows it. I told him. I think it's also a distraction from the sadness.


BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
bionicgal
Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

PS Having been somewhat of a low-drive person, I'll also say why not enjoy it while it lasts?

I think it is a distraction, but at least it is a positive relief. (Sorry about the pun.)


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2065 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
MsRukia
Member
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

To answer previous poster.... I don't love him now in that way. I don't want to regret my actions and doing that I think I may. I have had a lot of sexual trauma and abuse going up. When I sleep with him I need it to mean something. I don't want to have sex just to have it.


BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.

Posts: 172 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
Topic Posts: 13