Just Found Out
User Topic: The "Escape" Mentality
Member # 39830
Question  Posted: 12:22 AM, August 8th (Thursday)

I dug around the Healing Library but couldn't find much on the "Escape" mentality. Note that it might simply be that I am rubbish at finding information.

What I mean by the "Escape" mentality is the kind of thinking that cheaters use to...I guess "build" a safe bubble for themselves to escape the problems of a marriage, problems that might mean an impending divorce that they do not want. So within the bubble they can find some of what they need, which includes what they get from cheating.

Anyone have any links or info? Thanks in advance.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vancouver, Canada
Member # 40211
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, August 8th (Thursday)

Sure. They are escaping the reality of the poor choices. In my book, character is based on your actions, not words or beliefs. If they are "escaping" due to stress in the marital relationship or whatever, it is a poor excuse for choices. It is about time people start taking responsibility for there own mistakes. What is wrong with people these days??? Next you know we will be bombarded with studies that 'poor-character addiction' is a true illness, and we should sympathize and treat and support. F that, I say! Sorry for the rant

Married 20 years

Posts: 229 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
Member # 25395
Default  Posted: 5:35 AM, August 8th (Thursday)

Try looking up compartmentalization.

Look at WS fact number 7 and see if it helps.

[This message edited by lost_in_toronto at 5:36 AM, August 8th (Thursday)]

Me: BS/39
Him: WS/37
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 14 years.

Posts: 1678 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, August 8th (Thursday)

I think my WH is a pro at compartmentalization but it doesn't make it any easier. I believe that he didn't let himself think if me but he should've been. We were under tremendous stress and just kept our heads down and tried to push through. We never talked about it. Little did I know he had found his escape.
I just can't believe this is my life. I was so stupid to trust that he would never do this to me.

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Topic Posts: 4