It takes a few sessions of MC for it to start taking on a direction. In our first session our MC made my husband give a full account of the affair. Although what came out was a very minuscule version of what was the total affair, it did give us a direction to progress from.
I did not hold back in MC. As the BS of a 4+ year A, I had a lot to say. Our MC combined H's need to come clean with my need for understanding.
Our MC was also very instrumental in making sure, not just telling and hoping it sunk in, but really making sure my H knew exactly what damage his A had done to me and what I was now going through because of HIS emotional failings. At no time did II ever feel our MC was backing my H. He made it clear that no matter what was weak in our marriage or missing, NOTHING I did or didn't do was responsible for the A and my hubby's inappropriate actions.
I am blessed with a wonderful MC. Interestingly enough it was my hubby who chose who our MC was going to be. Best decision I made in the early foggy days.
I handled IC as a way of bringing the issues that arose in MC into focus for me personally. I dealt with my depression that had been present long before the A. I was able to see how our marriage had been struggling even if it looked healthily and strong from the outside. I was able to get my head around what I and what my hubby had not been doing to nurture our M.
Don't go into this thinking there needs to be a direction. And don't expect the MC/IC to give you the all important answers. They should be guiding you through this hell based on your situation and yours alone.
TMe: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!